I'm in a similar situation but our group has developed much more recently. My first friend's husband died last March. Bill died in July. My second friend's husband died just before Christmas. We have supported each other along the way and a strong bond has developed. It is indeed amazing how life draws people together. This friendship has been one of the silver linings of dementia. The other is the support received in this forum.
Going on alone
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I'm in a similar situation but our group has developed much more recently. My first friend's husband died last March. Bill died in July. My second friend's husband died just before Christmas. We have supported each other along the way and a strong bond has developed. It is indeed amazing how life draws people together. This friendship has been one of the silver linings of dementia. The other is the support received in this forum.
Years come and go
Thank you, Izzy, I am well. Being kept busy with my lovely family, but retirement in August has highlighted that there is always something/someone missing. I am on a mission to put some TLC back into my house which has been neglected for far too long, and I do a fair bit of volunteering/befriending for the Society.
Best wishes, Carmen
Thank you, Izzy, I am well. Being kept busy with my lovely family, but retirement in August has highlighted that there is always something/someone missing. I am on a mission to put some TLC back into my house which has been neglected for far too long, and I do a fair bit of volunteering/befriending for the Society.
Best wishes, Carmen
I am wondering if you are the 'Nan' I remember from when I joined TP in early May 2010.... If so it is really good to hear form you as you often come into my mind. If not, sorry. Although also good to see a long standing TP member here, and to hear you are doing well, all things considered....
Loo x
A special group Sue, and I am sure you will go on together. Yes it is amazing how life draws people together. I am one of a group of friends drawn together when we were in our twenties, with very young children, and from all over the UK. When women were mainly stay-at-home Mums and few outlets for them, or for young children. How things have changed! We write monthly (that is the way we started), email, phone, have met many times and have been together now for 53 years come April this year! Keep on going! 
Good to hear from you and I hope you had a good festive season, and spent some time with your family? My grand-daughter, husband and the wee lad now 18 months old are not long back from two weeks ‘up north’ (from Melbourne) and spending some time at Byron Bay. She was texting en route from Pambula Beach, NSW, where they were over Christmas and we Skyped when they were there. (They had hired a large super looking campervan) Still hot back in Melbourne, about 36/7C. Lovely to see and talk with them.
Thoughts and love
Loo xx
Good to hear from you and I hope you had a good festive season, and spent some time with your family? My grand-daughter, husband and the wee lad now 18 months old are not long back from two weeks ‘up north’ (from Melbourne) and spending some time at Byron Bay. She was texting en route from Pambula Beach, NSW, where they were over Christmas and we Skyped when they were there. (They had hired a large super looking campervan) Still hot back in Melbourne, about 36/7C. Lovely to see and talk with them.
Thoughts and love
Loo xx
Dear Loo,
I am not sure whether that was me, but you are so right that TalkingPoint brings people together, sometimes for a while, but I suspect more often for a very long time. It was a vital lifeline for me while I was caring for my husband, I rarely missed a day without logging on, even when I was totally exhausted. I am not quite so involved now, but still dip in and out. Living with Alzheimer's (as a carer) has made me who I am today, and the support and connection I found on this site are definitely the silver lining of a path I would not have chosen.
Carmen
I am not sure whether that was me, but you are so right that TalkingPoint brings people together, sometimes for a while, but I suspect more often for a very long time. It was a vital lifeline for me while I was caring for my husband, I rarely missed a day without logging on, even when I was totally exhausted. I am not quite so involved now, but still dip in and out. Living with Alzheimer's (as a carer) has made me who I am today, and the support and connection I found on this site are definitely the silver lining of a path I would not have chosen.
Carmen
Loo, I had my younger son here over Christmas and we all gathered at my daughter's place on the afternoon of Christmas Day, we took Trevor's little girl Alice who is 4 and a half up with us, it was nice to see the little and large cousins interacting, my oldest grandson is 16 and 6'4". After lunch I do tend to sit back quietly for a while, I miss Ray more and more as it was always so right when there were two sets of grandparents and now it is just the two grandmothers. My son-in-law's mother is also a widow and she looked sad as well so I guess she was thinking the same thing. But we have to make the best of things don't we?
I went back with Trevor to Broken Hill on the 31st, 14 hours drive on a fairly warm day. Broken Hill is semi-desert country and was very hot but not as humid as we have it here on the Coast. It was quiet there after the Christmas rush and we had a few days alone so I read books (always have some with me)and played with Alice a lot on the days she came for access visits. We all went to the YMCA pool too and I enjoyed that, she is some little diver and thinks she can swim but it is mostly wiggles not arm movement as yet. Second series of swimming lessons coming up for her at the end of the month.
It is heading to being a scorcher of a summer, several days of well above average temps already and more to come it seems. I had the funeral to go to on Friday and unusual for me I actually used the air conditioning in the car on the way there and back! It is hard to keep cool on the days that are both hot and humid but I still love our summer.
Sue.
I went back with Trevor to Broken Hill on the 31st, 14 hours drive on a fairly warm day. Broken Hill is semi-desert country and was very hot but not as humid as we have it here on the Coast. It was quiet there after the Christmas rush and we had a few days alone so I read books (always have some with me)and played with Alice a lot on the days she came for access visits. We all went to the YMCA pool too and I enjoyed that, she is some little diver and thinks she can swim but it is mostly wiggles not arm movement as yet. Second series of swimming lessons coming up for her at the end of the month.
It is heading to being a scorcher of a summer, several days of well above average temps already and more to come it seems. I had the funeral to go to on Friday and unusual for me I actually used the air conditioning in the car on the way there and back! It is hard to keep cool on the days that are both hot and humid but I still love our summer.
Sue.
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Another month gone. I spent six days the first week of February in Hawaii, Waikiki actually. I went there to meet up with a friend from Strokenet and we did have a lot of fun. She is still dealing with the work entailed from her husband's stroke damage, a rally heavy workload and is exhausted, so she spent a lot of the time resting while I walked the beach and explored the neighbourhood. Amazingly beautiful area really.
Since coming home I am trying to make some life changes again. I know I need to broaden my range of activities as I want to keep dementia at bay as it runs in Mum's family. So trying to find a couple of new things to do to make a difference to my routine.It is so easy to just do the same things over and over but I need to challenge my brain a bit more too.
Apart from that I have survived a hot summer, one of the hottest on record. We on the Central Coast, have had a few days of rain with more predicted and I personally have hit the meeting season so my calendar is full of places I have to be at a certain time. I complain some times about the busy life I lead but I did ask to be busy and life seems to trend that way at present. As a widow I do wonder about the purpose of life but I guess you don't find that out till the end of the story do you?.
Since coming home I am trying to make some life changes again. I know I need to broaden my range of activities as I want to keep dementia at bay as it runs in Mum's family. So trying to find a couple of new things to do to make a difference to my routine.It is so easy to just do the same things over and over but I need to challenge my brain a bit more too.
Apart from that I have survived a hot summer, one of the hottest on record. We on the Central Coast, have had a few days of rain with more predicted and I personally have hit the meeting season so my calendar is full of places I have to be at a certain time. I complain some times about the busy life I lead but I did ask to be busy and life seems to trend that way at present. As a widow I do wonder about the purpose of life but I guess you don't find that out till the end of the story do you?.
We are about to go off of Daylight saving, the mornings will still be bright but the afternoons will be short and it will be dark by about 5.30pm. I do have trouble filling in time in the long evenings once that happens, I am a six hour sleeper so rarely go to bed before midnight. I have plenty of hand work to do and books to read, old movies to watch but it is the companionship I lack.
I have been a widow for four and a half years now. I keep thinking that I will get more accustomed to being on my own but that doesn't seem to be happening. I am more comfortable being alone than when I was first widowed but sometimes life seems simply a case filling in my time or simply allowing time to pass. Time that is unproductive has always worried me, I am not a workaholic but I do like my time filled with worthwhile projects.
It is raining again, we had a week of rain, a couple of fine days and now is predicted to rain for another week. The work my handyman is doing to my house has to be postponed as there is an element of going outside involved. I have only found this nice little man recently so was hopeful of getting some of my minor jobs done, now everything is on hold until the weather fines up again. It seems it is always one step forward and two steps back for me. Seems mean to complain about a little rain with the floods in northern Queensland dominating the news.
When the weather fines up again I will probably feel differently about life. I seem to suffer from "rain depression" which disappears when the sun shines again. It makes me more introspective, less cheerful, less able to see a bright future ahead. I know it gives me too much time to think and so I over analyse my life. Having the rain pouring down outside also gives me a feeling of being cut off and isolated. But when the sun comes out I will cheer up again.
I have been a widow for four and a half years now. I keep thinking that I will get more accustomed to being on my own but that doesn't seem to be happening. I am more comfortable being alone than when I was first widowed but sometimes life seems simply a case filling in my time or simply allowing time to pass. Time that is unproductive has always worried me, I am not a workaholic but I do like my time filled with worthwhile projects.
It is raining again, we had a week of rain, a couple of fine days and now is predicted to rain for another week. The work my handyman is doing to my house has to be postponed as there is an element of going outside involved. I have only found this nice little man recently so was hopeful of getting some of my minor jobs done, now everything is on hold until the weather fines up again. It seems it is always one step forward and two steps back for me. Seems mean to complain about a little rain with the floods in northern Queensland dominating the news.
When the weather fines up again I will probably feel differently about life. I seem to suffer from "rain depression" which disappears when the sun shines again. It makes me more introspective, less cheerful, less able to see a bright future ahead. I know it gives me too much time to think and so I over analyse my life. Having the rain pouring down outside also gives me a feeling of being cut off and isolated. But when the sun comes out I will cheer up again.
Easter was another reminder to me that I am alone. When Ray was alive our kids mostly lived close by and holidays were a time when we had a get together. Since he has died the kids and grandkids have moved further away. Now on holidays like the four day Easter break I am alone. The main remark I got from friends this week was: "I suppose you got to see your grandchildren over the weekend." I think that is based on the tradition that the families got together for Easter, now that doesn't seem to happen as much, everyone lives "their own life" now.
I am not complaining just explaining the difference between how life is now and how it used to be. I am slowly getting used to the idea of being alone, on my own, and having to be content with that. I think my children just think "Mum will cope, she always has". I always give that impression. But often I am alone and lonely. I do have friends and pleasant acquaintances but when the front door closes there is only me here.
I am not complaining just explaining the difference between how life is now and how it used to be. I am slowly getting used to the idea of being alone, on my own, and having to be content with that. I think my children just think "Mum will cope, she always has". I always give that impression. But often I am alone and lonely. I do have friends and pleasant acquaintances but when the front door closes there is only me here.
Hi Sue.
I'm a relative newcomer to this site but have just come across your posts. So I'm sorry that I don't know your "back story". I am now going to catch up!
Alone and lonely are two different things aren't they. I do hope that you're not lonely too often. There is always Talking Point x
I'm a relative newcomer to this site but have just come across your posts. So I'm sorry that I don't know your "back story". I am now going to catch up!
Alone and lonely are two different things aren't they. I do hope that you're not lonely too often. There is always Talking Point x
Hi Sue
I hope the rain has stopped now and the sun is starting to come out and your handyman has been able to do some work for you.
And I sincerely hope someone kind, thoughtful and good company comes into your life soon, you deserve a bit of companionship again xx
I hope the rain has stopped now and the sun is starting to come out and your handyman has been able to do some work for you.
And I sincerely hope someone kind, thoughtful and good company comes into your life soon, you deserve a bit of companionship again xx
The rain eventually stopped. Now it is getting colder and the days getting shorter but the sun is welcome any time of the day. Always find plenty to do and so I keep myself out of mischief. Still have my blue days but we all do. I will be 70 next month so I have decided that having fun and being silly and NOT acting my age is to be a part of my coming year. I still use the word for the year "enjoy" and intend to do so until year's end.
My handyman went to Georgia USA to visit his older son and family so all jobs are on hold until he is settled back into routine again. I have hopes of a few more little jobs being done though. I am considering new carpet at least for the lounge room to brighten it up a bit, I would like to do more but will see how the price works out.
Grouse, I have some doubts about the companion coming along anytime soon, being alone is not ideal but it is the situation right now. I have plenty of people who say they are my friend but no sweetheart. The house and garden and other activities fill my days, keep me busy and from getting too bored with life.
My handyman went to Georgia USA to visit his older son and family so all jobs are on hold until he is settled back into routine again. I have hopes of a few more little jobs being done though. I am considering new carpet at least for the lounge room to brighten it up a bit, I would like to do more but will see how the price works out.
Grouse, I have some doubts about the companion coming along anytime soon, being alone is not ideal but it is the situation right now. I have plenty of people who say they are my friend but no sweetheart. The house and garden and other activities fill my days, keep me busy and from getting too bored with life.
Mid winter so it is cold by our standards. I have just spent a three day weekend with my daughter and her family. I have done that on the first weekend of the month for the last three months. It is good to spend some time with them as we had those years when they were not close and because I cared for Ray 24/7 I missed out on those two grandkids growing up. We are making up for that now with the weekends. They live about an hour and a half away so about the distance I like to travel. I should see the grandchildren from Adelaide some time in the next few weeks.
The short dull days are not conducive to going out a lot but I am making an effort to still have a social life. Luckily I have friends who meet at one of the local shopping areas who like to have a coffee together and of course the usual things to do like church work, Lions Club etc. Sometimes I hate the cold of winter and the isolation that comes with it but I seem to cope with it better as the years pass. I guess I just take it as being part of my life now.
As a widow I do still envy the couples who seem to spend so much time travelling both within the country as Grey Nomads and travelling around the world, something I always saw as what Ray and I would do in retirement. So I'm trying to think of my life as just different to theirs, not better or worse just different. And that seems to keep me emotionally on an even keel. And Spring is only about eight weeks away and will bring with it longer days so this cold weather is not forever. I just have to be patient.
The short dull days are not conducive to going out a lot but I am making an effort to still have a social life. Luckily I have friends who meet at one of the local shopping areas who like to have a coffee together and of course the usual things to do like church work, Lions Club etc. Sometimes I hate the cold of winter and the isolation that comes with it but I seem to cope with it better as the years pass. I guess I just take it as being part of my life now.
As a widow I do still envy the couples who seem to spend so much time travelling both within the country as Grey Nomads and travelling around the world, something I always saw as what Ray and I would do in retirement. So I'm trying to think of my life as just different to theirs, not better or worse just different. And that seems to keep me emotionally on an even keel. And Spring is only about eight weeks away and will bring with it longer days so this cold weather is not forever. I just have to be patient.
Just went to the doctor's a couple of days ago for a minor health check and suddenly there are a few things that need investigating, one of which I need to attend to right away. As usual there will be no-one to care for me so have to make sure I have everything in place. I know I will be out of action for a few days. I know it isn't true but sometimes it feels as if no-one gives a damn. Even my kids. I know they have busy lives but sometimes I would like them to be closer and more regularly in contact
I've just got home after a week in a Sydney hospital getting a melanoma cut out of my left leg behind the knee and doing bed rest while the new graft settled down. Once more I was reminded that it is a mixed blessing to be a widow and not a carer, to have no-one to look after and yet no-one to look after me. My daughter was a tremendous help to me and my sons kept in touch throughout my hospitalization. Maybe it takes a health crisis to remind us that we are family albeit without Ray. One more Fathers Day without him last Sunday but I know he was in our thoughts if no longer in our lives.
