We finally know...

[Moglie]

Dad has just been told by the consultant that he has early stages of dementia - most likely Alzheimers. I am sat here having had a good cry, trying to work out what this all means to my dad and our family. He has heart failure too, which I guess might eventually take him rather than the dementia - who thought heart failure could be a blessing!

I feel utterly numb, though I have been preparing myself for this day for many months now.

 

[Chuggalug]

Dad has just been told by the consultant that he has early stages of dementia - most likely Alzheimers. I am sat here having had a good cry, trying to work out what this all means to my dad and our family. He has heart failure too, which I guess might eventually take him rather than the dementia - who thought heart failure could be a blessing!

I feel utterly numb, though I have been preparing myself for this day for many months now.

I'm so sorry, Moglie. It's always horrid to get a diagnosis like this. My heart goes out to you and your Dad.

Do you have any support at all?

 

[MaNaAk]

Dear Chuggalug,

I felt like this as well after dad's diagnosis and after a couple of days dad said he felt depressed but almost eighteen months later after his third memory test where his score was 15 (he had a broken hearing aid at the time). We have found that life goes on! Yes! I feel like I am going through the grieving process at times and yes! dad's not going to get better but the cuddles, the laughter and the fact that you are doing the best you can for your dad will help you along with the support from talking point and the alzheimers society!

MaNaAk

 

[chris53]

Hi Moglie, so good in a way you are having a good cry,maybe this will be the first and only time you are able to do so, can only say enjoy the good days,or good hours or even minutes,my thoughts go out to you.
sending a hug x

 

[Moglie]

I'm so sorry, Moglie. It's always horrid to get a diagnosis like this. My heart goes out to you and your Dad.

Do you have any support at all?

I have a wonderful husband, who is always very pragmatic about life in general. I also have mum and my older brother, so I'm not alone. We are all in shock a bit - I guess that is normal and we will find our new normal soon.

 

[Rosnpton]

Hi
Sorry for the news but now you do know,and can make plans and arrangements to try and keep dads life as easy and calm as you can for as long as you can. Having a good cry was probably a much needed release.
Thinking of you
Ros

I have a wonderful husband, who is always very pragmatic about life in general. I also have mum and my older brother, so I'm not alone. We are all in shock a bit - I guess that is normal and we will find our new normal soon.

 

[LadyA]

I am sorry Moglie. It's not something anyone wants to hear. Big hugs to you. (((.)))
But you know, essentially, nothing is going to change overnight. Things might actually go very slowly. There's a line in a poem that's often quoted at funerals (!) - but I think this particular line is something your dad and your family need to cling on to:

"I am I, and you are you. Whatever we were to each other, that we still are."

Also, I'd recommend you have a read of some of the threads of our members who are living with dementia. Particularly people like Danonwheels, Norrms and others who so graciously allow us all into their lives and struggles, and show what "Living Well With Dementia" looks like in real life. xx

 

[Lawson58]

Hi Moglie,

My OH also suffers with heart failure (defibrillator implanted after a cardiac arrest) and was diagnosed with atypical Alzheimers three years ago.

When the consultant told him that he had early Alzheimers, OH immediately turned it around so that in his mind he had a little bit of Alzheimer's and has been in denial ever since. Occasionally there is a brief discussion about his illness but he still thinks he could get better.

OH uses rivastigmine patches which helped for a long time but he is slipping slowly. GP is convinced that OH has mixed dementia and someone from the memory clinic is coming for a chat this morning.

Three years down the track and OH is mobile, continent and still showers himself etc. He is still playing bridge regularly. So don't panic, take things as they come and make sure you get whatever help you need.

I wish you well.

 

[Moglie]

I am sorry Moglie. It's not something anyone wants to hear. Big hugs to you. (((.)))
But you know, essentially, nothing is going to change overnight. Things might actually go very slowly. There's a line in a poem that's often quoted at funerals (!) - but I think this particular line is something your dad and your family need to cling on to:

"I am I, and you are you. Whatever we were to each other, that we still are."

Also, I'd recommend you have a read of some of the threads of our members who are living with dementia. Particularly people like Danonwheels, Norrms and others who so graciously allow us all into their lives and struggles, and show what "Living Well With Dementia" looks like in real life. xx

Thank you LadyA - I am starting to find my way around the forum, which is already bringing great comfort in reading.

 

[Moglie]

Hi Moglie,

My OH also suffers with heart failure (defibrillator implanted after a cardiac arrest) and was diagnosed with atypical Alzheimers three years ago.

When the consultant told him that he had early Alzheimers, OH immediately turned it around so that in his mind he had a little bit of Alzheimer's and has been in denial ever since. Occasionally there is a brief discussion about his illness but he still thinks he could get better.

OH uses rivastigmine patches which helped for a long time but he is slipping slowly. GP is convinced that OH has mixed dementia and someone from the memory clinic is coming for a chat this morning.

Three years down the track and OH is mobile, continent and still showers himself etc. He is still playing bridge regularly. So don't panic, take things as they come and make sure you get whatever help you need.

I wish you well.

Thank you Lawson. It is certainly an added complication - like your husband my dad was fittted with a ICD a year ago for heart failure and to help pace his heart. Its ironic that this little bit of kit in his chest is keeping his heart going, but his brain is letting him down. I guess one day in the future, the family will have to discuss whether they switch off the ICD, but hopefully that is a conversation for very much in the future.

 

[Moglie]

Hi
Sorry for the news but now you do know,and can make plans and arrangements to try and keep dads life as easy and calm as you can for as long as you can. Having a good cry was probably a much needed release.
Thinking of you
Ros

Thank you Ros - better to know and like you say make plans. We all need to be strong for dad.

 

[Lawson58]

Thank you Lawson. It is certainly an added complication - like your husband my dad was fittted with a ICD a year ago for heart failure and to help pace his heart. Its ironic that this little bit of kit in his chest is keeping his heart going, but his brain is letting him down. I guess one day in the future, the family will have to discuss whether they switch off the ICD, but hopefully that is a conversation for very much in the future.

And it's not a decision that anyone wants to make!

 

[Moglie]

And it's not a decision that anyone wants to make!

No, indeed - as you are very much aware. Hard times

 

[MaNaAk]

Dad has just been told by the consultant that he has early stages of dementia - most likely Alzheimers. I am sat here having had a good cry, trying to work out what this all means to my dad and our family. He has heart failure too, which I guess might eventually take him rather than the dementia - who thought heart failure could be a blessing!

I feel utterly numb, though I have been preparing myself for this day for many months now.

Dear Moglie,

I'm sorry I made a mistake my email should have been addressed to you not Chuggalug! Anyway I hope you are starting to come to terms with the diagnosis as I had to eighteen months ago.

MaNaAk

 

[LadyA]

Moglie, on a practical note, now is the time to put things in place for your dad's protection later. Making a Will, and doing a Power of Attorney - in fact, these are things we ALL should do, not leave until they are needed! When my husband died a couple of years ago, I made a new Will and a Power of Attorney, although I'm only 56 now and in excellent health. Better have it and never need it though!

 

[Moglie]

Moglie, on a practical note, now is the time to put things in place for your dad's protection later. Making a Will, and doing a Power of Attorney - in fact, these are things we ALL should do, not leave until they are needed! When my husband died a couple of years ago, I made a new Will and a Power of Attorney, although I'm only 56 now and in excellent health. Better have it and never need it though!

Thankfully all done in the recent couple of months, so that is one thing we can tick off the to-do list.