Activities for dementia sufferer

[Pigeon11]

Hello All

I help to care for my mum-in-law who has been having problems for some time. We think she is in the early/mid-stages of dementia - we have an appointment at the memory clinic later this week where we hope we will finally know what's wrong and what we can expect in the future.

She 85 years old, lives alone and is quite frail and is well taken care of in most respects - we visit twice daily and she has carers four times per day. However, between times, she doesn't get much stimulation and I worry that she is isolated and a little depressed.

Although she was never a sociable person and didn't have any hobbies or interests, she was very sharp and used to enjoy keeping up with current affairs, reading the papers, listening to music and watching TV. Now she has lost all interest in these things. I don't think she can concentrate on things the way she used to and there are practicalities like remembering how to turn things on and off. We leave instructions for the carers to leave the TV or radio on but she seems disinterested and seems to prefer sitting quietly staring into space.

I have asked if she would like me to get her magazines or puzzle books, thinking they may be easier for her to dip in and out of but she doesn't seem really bothered. When we visit, I try to get her into conversations about family or the old days and get the photos out to have a look through, but though she's happy to converse for a little while, she soon tires of it and tunes-out.

I have asked her if she is bored and what I can do to help, but says she has too much to think about. I think what she means by this is that she is confused and trying to understand and remember things occupies her mind most of the time.

She remarked the other day that it was "time she wasn't here" - which was really upsetting - but it showed that she really isn't happy. I worry that her quality of life is very poor and would like to do something to help improve things, but have no idea what.

Has anyone any idea of activities we can do together or something to keep her stimulated between visits? Grateful for any help.

 

[Pigeon11]

Thanks CardiffLady

She's very reluctant to leave the house so I doubt I would be able to persuade her to attend anything that you've suggested below. I can understand this to a certain extent - partly because it's a bit of an ordeal due to her frailty but also as she's never been very sociable. However, we haven't even been able to convince her to try a short car-trip into the countryside with us

I was thinking more things she can do at home - either with us or when she's on her own. f she's having a good day, I can usually get her involved in a bit of a natter, but she doesn't seem interested in doing anything else and I have no imagination to think up what kind of activities she might take an interest in.

Perhaps I am looking at it from the wrong point of view and imagine she is under- stimulated, when in fact she can only cope with what she has now. It feels wrong not to try something though.

Thanks again

 

[Raggety]

We have tried all sorts with my mum but she just isn't interested. My mum is happy to socialise with an old friend and family but will not entertain going to a day centre, lunch club or any other social event. It's not something she would have done when she was well, so I suppose to expect it of her now is a step too far.

Conversations are non-existent as words are long forgotten. She takes a daily newspaper but often it's left unread. Colouring books are gathering dust. I thought she may remember how to crochet - hoping it was one of those 'riding a bike' skills and once she got the hook and wool in her hands then she would remember how to do. We have now run completely out of ideas and visits are painfully quiet.

 

[sunshine82]

Have you tried making things and doing simple child activities?
My gran is the complete same and we worry that she is bored. We have started baking with her or let her make her own pizza toppings.
We also have downloaded apps for her to do simple jigsaws.
It's hard as sometimes we have good and bad days.


Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point

 

[Tin]

Is there any evidence that during her alone hours, she is doing something, maybe she is 'tidying her wardrobe or drawers. I have had some success with dominoes and counting the white dots. playing cards she looks at and tries to put in order. All kept in drawer of kitchen table, mum usually sits there and empties it, then puts it all back, quite a few times or just spreads all this around the house. In her own way she likes to fold the clean laundry. She also likes looking at recipe books, ones with big, colour photos of the dishes, I have bought quite a lot of these from our local charity shops. Also bought a musical jewellery box and filled it with very cheap pieces, mainly bead necklaces, some nights when I am in bed I can hear that she is playing with this box - this one I do sometimes have to hide away, again can be very repetitive with it, and hearing the music every few minutes through the night is a little annoying, but it pleases her and hiding it away every now and then makes it look like a new thing.

 

[Wheresmygin]

There was a recent thread on here about how to keep the conversation going/entertain with someone in a care home, and that had some good ideas (sorry I can't find the thread but it was earlier this week I think).

I took a couple of good ideas from that thread. One was not to expect the PWD to do the reading, but to read articles to them out of magazines. And perhaps ask them questions about what you are reading.

The other point that was well made in that thread was that it doesn't hurt to have silences.

It sounds like your MiL is still processing her disease, so maybe she needs some time to do that?

One other thing that occurred to me about attending drop in centres or some such - would she be willing to go for a coffee and a cake "up town"? If that coffee and cake happens to be served at a drop in centre, is that the end of the world? Dunno whether my MiL would take it, but think she might.

Good luck and you are doing a wonderful job
Wheresmygin x

 

[SnowWhite]

My mum is in a care home and I have got her back into knitting. She was a great knitter and crocheter all her life but stopped about a year before her Alzheimer's was diagnosed as she was stressed and anxious.

I have discovered she cant follow a pattern any more so I cast on sufficient stitches and Away she goes! She carries on until we decide it's a reasonable size and then we decide what we will turn it in to. Last project was a blanket for her great granddaughters big dolls pram. Then we did a matching pillow. Now we are doing the same but with crochet. Again she can't follow a pattern so we just do one stitch. It's looking good though.


I got her a special dementia jigsaw for Xmas but she's barely touched it mind you she wasn't really a jigsaw person before.

I have been thinking of getting her a word search book.

 

[caqqufa]

Hello All

I help to care for my mum-in-law who has been having problems for some time. We think she is in the early/mid-stages of dementia - we have an appointment at the memory clinic later this week where we hope we will finally know what's wrong and what we can expect in the future.

She 85 years old, lives alone and is quite frail and is well taken care of in most respects - we visit twice daily and she has carers four times per day. However, between times, she doesn't get much stimulation and I worry that she is isolated and a little depressed.

Although she was never a sociable person and didn't have any hobbies or interests, she was very sharp and used to enjoy keeping up with current affairs, reading the papers, listening to music and watching TV. Now she has lost all interest in these things. I don't think she can concentrate on things the way she used to and there are practicalities like remembering how to turn things on and off. We leave instructions for the carers to leave the TV or radio on but she seems disinterested and seems to prefer sitting quietly staring into space.

I have asked if she would like me to get her magazines or puzzle books, thinking they may be easier for her to dip in and out of but she doesn't seem really bothered. When we visit, I try to get her into conversations about family or the old days and get the photos out to have a look through, but though she's happy to converse for a little while, she soon tires of it and tunes-out.

I have asked her if she is bored and what I can do to help, but says she has too much to think about. I think what she means by this is that she is confused and trying to understand and remember things occupies her mind most of the time.

She remarked the other day that it was "time she wasn't here" - which was really upsetting - but it showed that she really isn't happy. I worry that her quality of life is very poor and would like to do something to help improve things, but have no idea what.

Has anyone any idea of activities we can do together or something to keep her stimulated between visits? Grateful for any help.

Don't get too stressed about it. I did for a while initially as, similarly, my husband was an avid reader, did all the crossword puzzles, sudokus etc, did rope work, played golf, followed current affairs, what a normal healthy active person would do, but the time came when he lost all interest in everything. It was frustrating for him if I suggested anything, so I left stuff lying around for him to fidget with when he felt like it. He still wanted the paper but he would just turn the pages and doubt if he ever read anything. It was a much calmer atmosphere once I realised and accepted that's all he wanted to do. He never lost interest in walking though and we did that together for as long as he could. Is there maybe a one thing she might enjoy, which would be enough to keep her occupied? But if she is happy to sit with her thoughts, so be it. xx

 

[Pigeon11]

Thanks for all your ideas - and for the kind comments too.

There are few things I think we could give a try - after all there's nothing to lose - but I think the most helpful thing was the acknowledgement that we can just let her be and not be so worried about keeping her occupied if she doesn't want to do anything. I was starting to feel quite guilty that we should be doing more to 'entertain' her, but this is difficult as we both work full time and have other family commitments too and though one of us visits daily, we are struggling to spend long periods of time during the week.

Yesterday we got confirmation that she does have Alzheimer's (mid stage) and though sad, it's quite a relief too. At least we know what we're dealing with now after seven months of wondering if it was due to other health issues and would improve if treated.

Thanks again - for your kindness.

 

[Pear trees]

I also used to worry about my mum just sitting or lying and staring at nothing, not even seeing the TV which is on constantly. She was never interested in magazines puzzles or crafts even before dementia. Her only interest was food at a lunchclub, ignoring all activities. She hated cooking and never did any housework for years!
I realised she was doing what she used to do most of the time before dementia and she seems happy.

 

[jknight]

My mum won't have the TV on in the day. She doesn't have the radio on (she will tell me she does)
She does jigsaws but her ability to do them is declining, how am I going to keep her occupied?

 

[jugglingmum]

My mum used to do a lot of jigsaws, but can't now. I buy puzzle books such as word search and simple crosswords for her.

I think sometimes she sleeps a lot, but other times she must look out the window as she was telling me where she sees the aeroplanes across a corner (she is a few miles from an airport runway). She does work her way through the puzzle books.

 

[caqqufa]

My mum won't have the TV on in the day. She doesn't have the radio on (she will tell me she does)
She does jigsaws but her ability to do them is declining, how am I going to keep her occupied?[/Q

Please don't fret about it. Maybe she doesn't want to be occupied. I mentioned in an earlier post that my husband gradually lost interest in everything, TV was never on as he feared that those people were in the room and the radio was too noisy! I had asked the same question as initially I tried to follow the suggestions recommended but since the concentration wanes and the memory fades, the efforts were more frustrating than beneficial. Just keep stuff around she might be interested in (they cannot cope with new activities) that might trigger some level of curiosity and go along with that but don't force it. As the mind shrinks so do their interests. I just let him do his own thing and kept light conversation, whatever it was he wanted to talk about. It is sad but true. Take care xxxx

 

[Witzend]

My mother 'couldn't be bothered' with anything I suggested or,provided. She would just sit in front of the TV all day. I couldn't get her out of the house , either - if I ever managed it she would be fretting so badly half a mile down the road about gas left on, doors and windows unlocked, etc., that I'd have to take her back. This despite my having made a checklist that we'd gone through together - two ticks for everything - which sat on her lap in the car! The things you do in the vain hope that they might just work....

In the end I accepted that her brain probably couldn't cope with anything more demanding than the TV. So I did get irritated with one of those smugly know-it-all 'once in a blue moon' visitors who told me I should be providing 'stimulating' activities, and 'making' her do this or that. B*gger off!!!

Even once she was in her care home, where they did provide interesting activities, she was never really bothered, but then she'd never been a very sociable type anyway. I once arrived to find her at a rather noisy 'music' session, and since she'd always hated anything noisy I asked whether she was enjoying it.
'No I hate it!'
'So why did you come?'
'I didn't like to say no.'
This was in the relatively early CH days when she was still able to hold some sort of conversation, though her dementia was already pretty bad.

 

[Witzend]

Should have added, that I've heard of simple things like folding laundry, or sorting a load of 1 and 2 p pieces into separate jars, have been helpful for some people. Or a 'fiddle box' with e.g. lots of reels of cotton and other sewing paraphernalia, or perhaps nuts, bolts and screws for anyone who's been into DIY.

 

[Daisy Duck]

If you MIL enjoys current affairs, why don't you read the paper out loud to her, explaining the stories as you go? She probably can't follow if she does this alone, hence the loss of interest.

 

[jknight]

My mum won't have the TV on in the day. She doesn't have the radio on (she will tell me she does)
She does jigsaws but her ability to do them is declining, how am I going to keep her occupied?[/Q

Please don't fret about it. Maybe she doesn't want to be occupied. I mentioned in an earlier post that my husband gradually lost interest in everything, TV was never on as he feared that those people were in the room and the radio was too noisy! I had asked the same question as initially I tried to follow the suggestions recommended but since the concentration wanes and the memory fades, the efforts were more frustrating than beneficial. Just keep stuff around she might be interested in (they cannot cope with new activities) that might trigger some level of curiosity and go along with that but don't force it. As the mind shrinks so do their interests. I just let him do his own thing and kept light conversation, whatever it was he wanted to talk about. It is sad but true. Take care xxxx

Thank you!

 

[Novice]

Hello All

I help to care for my mum-in-law who has been having problems for some time. We think she is in the early/mid-stages of dementia - we have an appointment at the memory clinic later this week where we hope we will finally know what's wrong and what we can expect in the future.

She 85 years old, lives alone and is quite frail and is well taken care of in most respects - we visit twice daily and she has carers four times per day. However, between times, she doesn't get much stimulation and I worry that she is isolated and a little depressed.

Although she was never a sociable person and didn't have any hobbies or interests, she was very sharp and used to enjoy keeping up with current affairs, reading the papers, listening to music and watching TV. Now she has lost all interest in these things. I don't think she can concentrate on things the way she used to and there are practicalities like remembering how to turn things on and off. We leave instructions for the carers to leave the TV or radio on but she seems disinterested and seems to prefer sitting quietly staring into space.

I have asked if she would like me to get her magazines or puzzle books, thinking they may be easier for her to dip in and out of but she doesn't seem really bothered. When we visit, I try to get her into conversations about family or the old days and get the photos out to have a look through, but though she's happy to converse for a little while, she soon tires of it and tunes-out.

I have asked her if she is bored and what I can do to help, but says she has too much to think about. I think what she means by this is that she is confused and trying to understand and remember things occupies her mind most of the time.

She remarked the other day that it was "time she wasn't here" - which was really upsetting - but it showed that she really isn't happy. I worry that her quality of life is very poor and would like to do something to help improve things, but have no idea what.

Has anyone any idea of activities we can do together or something to keep her stimulated between visits? Grateful for any help.

I have been thinking about what activities have worked for Mum. We are lucky and Mum does have limited times of engagement. As someone else observed, our Mum has never one to socialise outside the family, and since the Alzheimer’s diagnosis she will only go anywhere if I or my brother take her and stay. Mum and I have recently attended a course ‘Sing Healthy; Play Happy’. Mum has enjoyed the mornings and we have discovered she has a real sense of rhythm. She concentrates for 10 minutes or more when she is given an instrument to play; we bought her some instruments for Christmas presents and she enjoys ‘playing’ them at home. As a teacher, I was aware of the positive effect of ‘Brain Gym’ on children’s learning and I have found that when Mum is a bit ‘sluggish’ a session of throw and catch helps her to engage. She is usually seated and we use a tennis ball and a Velcro catcher. She has also started painting – simple water colours on pre- drawn pictures – but she engages for an hour or so however she can not get the hang of using colouring pencils! When I go to work I leave her with some word searches or knitting and she may or may not do them. More recently she would rather doze! As someone else said the kmittimg patterns have had to be adapted to only use rows of plain and purl – I have to do the ribbing and be prepared on my return from work to undo things when she drops a stitch!!! Initially I used to get frustrated that when completing the word searches Mum did not follow the convention of finding the letters in straight diagonal, vertical or horizontal lines. I have now come to see that if she is engaged in looking for the letters to spell a word it doesnot matter how they are arranged. We also play scrabble – at least Mum’s version, but if it gets her thinking does it matter!! I have a box of activities we can do together cards, puzzle books, music, painting, reading (I have introduced Mum to children’s books by Arlberg and she loves reading me the stories and looking at the 1940 ish pictures) and we also get the photo albums down to reminisce. Mum used to be able to do jigsaws, but now can not ‘see’ how the pieces fit together. I was interested to read from another contributor that she found a dementia friendly jigsaw, I wonder where from? As the Alzheimer’s has progressed Mum has lost the ability to initiate activities and I worry that she just sleeps or watches TV while I am at work. However, I now see this as her rest time, because once I return from work, she helps as she is able, to get lunch, wash-up, make a cake, do the ironing, prepare vegetables or help in the garden. I realise we are lucky and although Mum is 89 and has had her diagnosis for 2 years she can still do things. I feel it is important that, for as long is possible, she is actively involved in all that goes on and is not a passive observer. Of an evening I give her the paper to read (annoyingly aloud to us) although I am sure she retains little. Reading this through it sounds like I am always on Mum’s case! There is only time and stamina for one activity a day if that!! We try and mix and match. She also likes to be taken out in the car, where she loves to see how many aeroplanes, or vapour trails, she can spot! The thing I try and keep foremost in my thinking is people with Alzheimer’s may not remember what they did yesterday, but they will remember the feelings and emotions that resulted from what they did. I do hope you can find that one thing that will engage your MiL and that you can enjoy doing together. Happy hunting.

 

[RogerC]

"I have introduced mum to children’s books by Arlberg and she loves reading me the stories and looking at the 1940 ish pictures"

Thanks to 'Novice' for the interesting & informative post. I liked the tip on children's books, so looked up the author and hit a problem. Unfortunately you had a one-letter typo in his surname, and 'Arlberg' turns out to be a ski resort in Austria, so the internet was fixated on ski-ing and guide books. After a bit of digging I found that Allan AHLBERG is published by Penguin books. As a relative newcomer to this website I'm not allowed to put 'external links' in a post, so can not provide others with a hyperlink to his author's page on the Penguin website, but hope the following helps.
www dot penguin dot co dot uk/authors/allan-ahlberg/23863/

 

[mancmum]

She may change over time

Father would not go to an coffee morning for dementia people when first diagnosed, but now he enjoys doing this.

Counting coins
Knitting,
Threading large beads on shoelaces
Polishing silver (if you have any)
Polishing wood.

Receiving postcards. If she does something for like polishing something leaver her a card saying 'Thankyou' or use it as a message to trigger a memory. Picture of dog....do you remember when Fido ate the Sunday lunch etc etc.