Constant phone calls from mum.

[netsy22]

Any ideas of how to cope with constant phone calls - up to 10 a day on trivialities; losing things, checking visits, appointments, items for shopping, tablets, "reminding" me about things, etc.etc.
I see her every day, have it all in hand and write everything down for her but she still frets and forgets. I try to pre-empt her worries but her memory is so bad she does not retain anything for long.

 

[chris53]

Good afternoon netsy,hoping and fingers crossed that this is just a phrase which so many of us have been through, it may be an idea just to have phone on answer machine and change your message to a reassuring message to your mum, on the lines of hi mum,everything done for you speak to you later..sort of thing, sadly these phone calls can be so stressful ,but mum has probably forgotten she has already called you, a simple problem can sometimes turn into a drama in the "land of confusion" it's so hard to switch off mentally but as long as you feel she is safe please do try to ignore most of these calls.

 

[lemonjuice]

Any ideas of how to cope with constant phone calls - up to 10 a day on trivialities; losing things, checking visits, appointments, items for shopping, tablets, "reminding" me about things, etc.etc.
I see her every day, have it all in hand and write everything down for her but she still frets and forgets. I try to pre-empt her worries but her memory is so bad she does not retain anything for long.

Unfortunately there is little one can do. My mother's obsession was, like so many of her generation, always to do with money. Probably harking back to the early years of marriage / her childhood when money was tight.
I remember the constant phone calls sometimes 4 or 5 within a half hour asking the same information. I had a husband and son who could help me field the calls when it all got too much for me.

All you can do is reassure them everything is in hand/ in order and try not to stress yourself too much. It is probably helping them feel in some sort of control when they must feel everything is going out of control.

The time will come when they stop stressing and stop contacting you and then you can worry even more.

There really are no 'easy phases' to this disease.

 

[Witzend]

What some people do is have a dedicated mobile for such calls, and have a message on it say, e.g., 'Sorry I can't talk just now, Mum, but I'll speak to you very soon,', and keep it switched off except at certain times of day.

Otherwise all you can really do is turn your phone off for much of the day, and only answer or phone back at set times, or it can drive you mad. At one point my mother was ringing my brother up to 30 times in one HOUR, and it really did affect him.

One thing to remember is that if someone's memory is so poor that they can't remember phoning you X times already, they are probably unlikely to remember getting a message several times in a row before you either answer or ring back.

 

[Gnasher]

Sorry no idea, my mum's calls started at 10/20 per day built up to 150 per day this was on top of seeing her for 5 hours per day. When we checked the statement - two weeks 12 1/2 hours of calls to me day/night 2am/2pm/11am/11pm £241 on top of her 600 free talk minutes. I had no rest whatsoever. If I didn't respond, she became anxious and things escalated to the point she'd almost destroy her home looking for something that was right in front of her. My mother would barely let me get into the car to leave her and the phone would ring (mum, I haven't got in the car yet - give me a chance to get home). I think with my mother it was because she was lonely and of course cannot retain any information for longer than a few seconds. However many times I wrote things down it didn't help. So by phoning me she was really just reaching out to talk to someone.

I know the above doesn't help but you might consider - is she just wanting someone to talk to?

This is just a thought but some years ago my daughter lived in the Middle East. Phone calls were really expensive. So we used Skype. Just left it on and got on with whatever we were doing. Then maybe we would call out " having a coffe - are you there? And then chat for 15 mins". It was like having her there in the house and as either of us passed our computers we would call out. It certainly helped me at the time. Not quite sure if a PWD would be able to use it I. The same way but worth a thought for those lonely parents out there.


Sent from my iPad using Talking Point

 

[netsy22]

Thanks for the advice

Thanks for all the suggestions. Mum cannot use a computer or a mobile at all so thats out. I think she does sometimes just want someone to talk to, but she does see me every day now. I think I may get a "new phone which goes straight to answer phone" so she can leave me messages and I can filter what is important before I ring her back at a time which is more convenient to me.