McPhee, you are a real gem and deserve lots of extra hugs. My path as a caregiver/carer is different is very different from that of many others on this forum, but in other ways it's the same horrible journey.
My husband has FTD (frontal temporal dementia), and I live in the Northern Rockies in Montana. I first noticed what was going on about ten years ago when some old car batteries that had been sitting in front of the garage for two years were gone. My husband decided they had been stolen and went out immediately to replace them. Two days later he said he had found them in the garage and must have forgotten.
He was angry all the time, and I understand walking on eggshells. He was never sorry, always had an excuse, made all kind of accusations. It didn't make any sense. I was pushing for evaluation and help from his doctor, and the only thing that happened was a notation on his chart that said mild memory loss and an assurance that it wasn't AD. It took four years and a change in doctors to get the evaluations and a diagnosis. It still doesn't change what he does, but it helps me to understand. He can still pass the simple screening test in the doctor's office.
The new doctor told me that there are three types of dementia patients: angry, laughing, and sobbing. That must be in the earlier stages! AD (as well as the others) is a long and horrible journey, devouring patients and families in its destructive path.
He went for an driving evaluation after I told the new doctor I would no longer ride in the car if he were driving. Doctors in Montana can't make that determination, but I was afraid he was going to kill someone. Going through red lights and stop signs is not okay. Fortunately, he wasn't driving most of the time. He got lost twice in white out blizzard conditions, once at night when he was picking me up from the ER. He hasn't driven for three years, and his license lapsed
There still is no such thing as a rational discussion with my husband. He now depends on me for decisions, anything involving memory. I still get the blame. I don't like it, but that's a part of his demented world. His short term memory is gone, but his long term memory is quite good. He doesn't remember having seen television programs multiple times. It's a bizarre lifestyle. He didn't learn much from the speech therapist, but I did! He is lacking executive functions such as cause and effect, organization, planning logic. His disposition is better.
It wasn't me, just as it isn't you. It's them and these inhumane diseases. I came very close to extricating myself from what was a very destructive relationship. I too was worried about who would care for him. I do take medication and probably couldn't cope if I didn't. He still thinks he'll get his license back and wants to do all kinds of things he physically can't do. I guess hope is good for him. I nod and say that's a good idea, but by the next morning he doesn't remember, and it's a clean slate.
Please take care of yourself.
