That's what is worrying me most , that CH is in dad's best interests but mum wants us to put her interests first not his.
Taking dad home , right or wrong?
- Thread starter KatieRich
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That's what is worrying me most , that CH is in dad's best interests but mum wants us to put her interests first not his.
Your best strategy, then, may be to show your mother that a small & caring care home is actually in her best interests as well - she doesn't need to worry, and she can go and see him often as a companion and wife & a carer too, but in a different way.
I do sympathise. It is horrible to make a 'best choice' decision & then have somebody question or criticise it all the time. I've had that too, with a sibling, who like your mother, seems to think of everything as it affects him/her, not the person who needs care.
Good luck!
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Had a call earlier from social services. They have asked dad's care home about all his needs & to do a 48 hour detailed report. From what the care home has told the social worker she says it unlikely he would be able to go home as his needs are too great.
I've told mum all this in the kindest way possible and it did not go down well to say the least! 42 minutes on the phone of her telling me how awful it is for her , how she feels,how she has nobody, how us kids all talking to eachother is wrong, we don't know how she feels , it's hard getting the bus, we are all making her poorly,....etc etc etc
Deep breath & red wine is much needed!
I've told mum all this in the kindest way possible and it did not go down well to say the least! 42 minutes on the phone of her telling me how awful it is for her , how she feels,how she has nobody, how us kids all talking to eachother is wrong, we don't know how she feels , it's hard getting the bus, we are all making her poorly,....etc etc etc
Deep breath & red wine is much needed!
Maybe let the care home, and the social workers, be the ones to talk to your mum, instead of you? It won't change the situation but it might spare you some grief.
One thing I learned in a workshop about dealing with older relatives was to consider not only the message, but also the messenger. Usually an adult child is the WORST choice of messenger for news the person doesn't want to hear. Authority figures or officials (like staff members, social workers, doctors, nurses, etc) are a better choice.
I hear that your mother is distressed, and it's understandable, but she is sure taking it all out on you, very unfairly. I hope you have some support? It must all be very difficult to deal with.
One thing I learned in a workshop about dealing with older relatives was to consider not only the message, but also the messenger. Usually an adult child is the WORST choice of messenger for news the person doesn't want to hear. Authority figures or officials (like staff members, social workers, doctors, nurses, etc) are a better choice.
I hear that your mother is distressed, and it's understandable, but she is sure taking it all out on you, very unfairly. I hope you have some support? It must all be very difficult to deal with.
A postscript: next time the phone rings, check the caller ID, and if it's your mother, don't answer! But drink the wine anyway!!
Hi Amy. I never thought of it like that before that I'm always the messenger. I think everyone in authority always calls me as I have been the one dealing with all the official things since day one. I'm definitely going to ask social worker to call mum now to tell her the situation first hand , that could be really helpful . And I thank you for that good piece of advice.
I am definitely drinking a nice glass of wine right now & definitely not answering the phone one more time today
