I just knew this appointment would be pointless

[tryingmybest]

So today arrived for our visit from the dietician. I have been waiting for quite some time but to be honest, thought there would probably be little point in her visiting my Mum( who lives with me) and who hasn't been eating or hardly drinking since November/December time. She was a lovely lady but she could see that I have tried everything to try and entice Mum to eat and also to increase calories by adding cream/milk powder etc. She weighed Mum and was concerned she has lost a further stone since end of February when the GP last weighed her and was very conscious of not walking out of the door without doing anything but what could she do or say? I asked about Fortisip but as I knew already, its a postcode lottery and this area has stopped offering it but she is going to try and get the powers that be to authorise it in this case. I doubt Mum will drink it though but am clinging to the hope we will be able to get it and she will like it and it will help.

The lady said she would phone in a month. I seriously don't know if my Mum will be here then as she really can't go on losing weight and not eating/drinking like this. I can't believe she is still able to walk, abeit with a stick, and she still enjoys going out occasionally, although nothing like before. I can't stop crying as she seems to be slipping away from me a little bit more everyday. She is hardly talking anymore either and that makes me feel so lonely and isolated. I'm normally a very positive and cheerful person but am really struggling with this situation. I know there's nothing anyone can really say to make me feel any better. Guess I just need to offload. Nobody understands unless they are in this situation. One by one friends have all disappeared and I have nobody to talk to really yet I am fully aware I am so very lucky compared to some of you. My Mum is so easy really to look after, (although I now do absolutely everything for her) but she is easy going and happy in her own way and always has a smile.

I'm just feeling such unbearable sadness and loneliness right now.

 

[Tin]

So sorry to read that the dietician could not give you any positive help, shocked that you will have to wait a month before you hear from her again. Hope the fortisip turns up before then.

 

[Rageddy Anne]

So sorry you're feeling so sad; you must feel so helpless, and where do people, friends, disappear to when you need them? It must be hard to stay positive even though that's in your nature.

Well, at least you have us, and there are plenty of people on here who know just what you're going through. Time for a big group hug.

There should be a little diagram for Group Hug on here.....instead it'll have to be

 

[Toddleo]

It is so difficult watching your loved ones slip away like this, and like you, I was amazed at how little mum "survived" on in the later weeks/months.

You are doing all you can, be kind to yourself, try and have the odd treat or moment of calm. Friends do disappear into the woodwork- people just find it so hard to chose the right words some how, at least TP is full of those of us who truly understand, and a fair few of us who have come out of the otherside having lost our loved ones now.

I read posts like yours and it all just comes flooding back.
God bless. xxx

 

[Rosnpton]

Hi
At least you know you are trying everything you can - the dietician wasn't able to give you any major things to try as you are already doing everything you can.younwould have felt a lot worse if they came out and said why haven't you done....didn't you try..... Etc. Would you mum eat sweets/chocolates at all? Our mum is not quite as bad as yours sounds, and is in a ch so I can pass the buck a little- but she will currently 'eat' boxes of chocolates and kiddies size fromage frail- not ideal, but it was decided to just encourage anything that would provide calories.we seem to be more successful watching tv / DVDs and just having an open box near her. Thinks it's a sort it automatic 'hand in box / sweet in mouth' rather then conscious choice but we will try anything
Thinking of you
Ros

So today arrived for our visit from the dietician. I have sbeen waiting for quite some time but to be honest, thought there would probably be little point in her visiting my Mum( who lives with me) and who hasn't been eating or hardly drinking since November/December time. She was a lovely lady but she could see that I have tried everything to try and entice Mum to eat and also to increase calories by adding cream/milk powder etc. She weighed Mum and was concerned she has lost a further stone since end of February when the GP last weighed her and was very conscious of not walking out of the door without doing anything but what could she do or say? I asked about Fortisip but as I knew already, its a postcode lottery and this area has stopped offering it but she is going to try and get the powers that be to authorise it in this case. I doubt Mum will drink it though but am clinging to the hope we will be able to get it and she will like it and it will help.

The lady said she would phone in a month. I seriously don't know if my Mum will be here then as she really can't go on losing weight and not eating/drinking like this. I can't believe she is still able to walk, abeit with a stick, and she still enjoys going out occasionally, although nothing like before. I can't stop crying as she seems to be slipping away from me a little bit more everyday. She is hardly talking anymore either and that makes me feel so lonely and isolated. I'm normally a very positive and cheerful person but am really struggling with this situation. I know there's nothing anyone can really say to make me feel any better. Guess I just need to offload. Nobody understands unless they are in this situation. One by one friends have all disappeared and I have nobody to talk to really yet I am fully aware I am so very lucky compared to some of you. My Mum is so easy really to look after, (although I now do absolutely everything for her) but she is easy going and happy in her own way and always has a smile.

I'm just feeling such unbearable sadness and loneliness right now.

 

[Fullticket]

Dietician

How terribly worrying for you and you have my sympathy.

Periodically I go through this with my mum and you feel helpless and irritated at the same time (well I do anyway!). A lovely friend who had looked after her own mum said to me once, 'Just get the calories in.' It was a simple phrase and delivered by a non professional - though why we are classed as non professionals sometimes puzzles me - but it helped me as I realised so many people have been through this before and come out the other side bruised but with a better understanding. With her advice I relaxed a bit. It does not mean that she will eat/drink when we go through these cycles but at least I feel a bit better about it.

I find sweets, biscuits, anything sugary are more easily accepted and if she can sneakily 'find' a bag of chocolate peanuts in a half hidden basket near her seat, she will try to open it without the bag rustling and pick them out one by one, looking around her all the time to see if anyone has spotted her hoard. So I am not forcing her to eat and drink and she feels she is in control. I'm not suggesting your mum is being manipulative - can only comment on what happens in our house.

I guess I'm lucky in being able to turn it into a 'battle of wits' and this works for me.

xx

 

[Lozzer]

I am so sorry to hear the about the loneliness you are feeling. You are not on your own. It is so difficult doing the best for our loved ones. I went through something similar last year with my MIL. She went down to 5 stone but is now a healthy 8 stone plus. I do not ask why things work but that it worked for my MIL and might be worth a try. Buy a RED tea plate and give her food on this. Apparently the colour red increases appetite and also makes the food more appetising. Start with only small portions (a little is better than nothing) and gradually increase them.

My MIL liked spicy food so mild chilli and curries, sprinkled cheese on top of cottage pie, tomato and basil soup, boiled bacon with mash and baked beans- tasty food. Also a lot of sweet things - biscuits, cakes, rice pudding and ice creams. I also swapped to full milk and did hot chocolate for her at every opportunity. FORGET NUTRITIAN.
We were also lucky in that our doctor prescribed "Ensure Fortifying Fruit Drinks" which are 300 odd calories which helped and also they increase appetite.

Her first good meal was at the local pub when we ordered her a child's curry and chips. She wolfed it down and never looked back. This is still a regular treat for her and she still enjoys it.

I do hope your mum turns the corner like my MIL. It was like a light went on one day and gradually she ate larger amounts. I still use the red tea plate as she is over faced by big plates and won't even look at the food. Try the small red plate. Asda sell them. You have nothing to lose. Let us know if it is successful.

So today arrived for our visit from the dietician. I have been waiting for quite some time but to be honest, thought there would probably be little point in her visiting my Mum( who lives with me) and who hasn't been eating or hardly drinking since November/December time. She was a lovely lady but she could see that I have tried everything to try and entice Mum to eat and also to increase calories by adding cream/milk powder etc. She weighed Mum and was concerned she has lost a further stone since end of February when the GP last weighed her and was very conscious of not walking out of the door without doing anything but what could she do or say? I asked about Fortisip but as I knew already, its a postcode lottery and this area has stopped offering it but she is going to try and get the powers that be to authorise it in this case. I doubt Mum will drink it though but am clinging to the hope we will be able to get it and she will like it and it will help.

The lady said she would phone in a month. I seriously don't know if my Mum will be here then as she really can't go on losing weight and not eating/drinking like this. I can't believe she is still able to walk, abeit with a stick, and she still enjoys going out occasionally, although nothing like before. I can't stop crying as she seems to be slipping away from me a little bit more everyday. She is hardly talking anymore either and that makes me feel so lonely and isolated. I'm normally a very positive and cheerful person but am really struggling with this situation. I know there's nothing anyone can really say to make me feel any better. Guess I just need to offload. Nobody understands unless they are in this situation. One by one friends have all disappeared and I have nobody to talk to really yet I am fully aware I am so very lucky compared to some of you. My Mum is so easy really to look after, (although I now do absolutely everything for her) but she is easy going and happy in her own way and always has a smile.

I'm just feeling such unbearable sadness and loneliness right now.

 

[tryingmybest]

Lozzer thank you so much for your response and its so good to hear of a positive outcome, as in the case of your Mil. I have tried absolutely everything but not a red plate so will try that and see! I'm so glad your Mil has regained some weight. I do hope my Mum turns the corner too. Xx