Peace at last for my Dad

[Havemercy]

Best wishes Greycardi to you and your family.

 

[Bunpoots]

So sorry for your loss.


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[chick1962]

So sorry for your loss greycardi xxx


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[disi]

So very sorry for your loss, condolences to you and your mother.

 

[Greycardi]

No appetite, aching face and splitting headache today - is this normal when you are grieving? Feel like my speech is slow and I am wading through mud. I can't afford to be like this when Mum needs me so much!

 

[nita]

Yes, I would say it is normal. I had no appetite for some time after Mum passed away at Christmas. I also had a churning stomach and was shaking for a couple of days, partly because of the trauma of finding her gone.

People told me to try and just pick at food so I did try to do that. Your appetite will come back after a while. Take something for your headache and try to get as much rest as you can though you may find your sleep disrupted.

I did worry I had to put on a brave face for my brother but I did dissolve in tears at times and he was supportive of me. I think your mother will understand as she will be feeling the same.

 

[Greycardi]

Yes, I would say it is normal. I had no appetite for some time after Mum passed away at Christmas. I also had a churning stomach and was shaking for a couple of days, partly because of the trauma of finding her gone.

People told me to try and just pick at food so I did try to do that. Your appetite will come back after a while. Take something for your headache and try to get as much rest as you can though you may find your sleep disrupted.

I did worry I had to put on a brave face for my brother but I did dissolve in tears at times and he was supportive of me. I think your mother will understand as she will be feeling the same.

Thank you Nita. I will take your sensible advice. I am very sorry to hear about your Mum.XXX

 

[nita]

Thank you, greycardi - it does get easier as time goes on. I hope you feel a bit better soon. You can share your reminiscences with your mother - I can't remember your previous posts but hope she is in good health?

 

[nita]

Just read through your threads, greycardi, and see what a difficult situation you've been in. Sorry, my remarks wouldn't apply to you and your mother's case. You are in a hard position now as she may forget your father has died and keep asking for him. I hope you don't have to deal with this eventuality.

I wondered if she had had a capacity assessment as you wrote about earlier? You can always talk privately to her GP - not sure if you are the eldest or whether all children are considered next of kin? I had an arrangement with the GP that I could ask about her or liaise with them about her medication whenever necessary.

I don't know if it may help but, having to think about your mother and look after her may go towards taking your mind off your own grief for a while. I know, because I had to make the funeral arrangements and everything else that was needed, it did keep me busy for a bit. I think it wasn't until after the funeral that the reality hit me.

It must have been terribly difficult trying to look after two ill parents and you still have your mother to worry about. Wishing you strength to deal with the coming days and weeks. I hope you can share the burden with your brothers.

 

[Pickles53]

Deepest sympathy to both you and your mum. May you find comfort and peace in remembering your dad in happier times.

 

[Slugsta]

Greycardi, I am so sorry for your loss - but glad that your father's passing was peaceful. Please look after yourself at this difficult time.

 

[chris53]

So sorry for the loss of your dear dad,may you remember all the good times before he was ill and that these memories help you to smile through the tears.
Take care
Chris

 

[Greycardi]

family dispute over funeral arrangements has started

Of course this was going to happen - this is my family and we are deeply dysfunctional!!
Mum and I had a very sensible meeting with funeral service which then was undermined completely by the 'invisibles' who turned up with a whole story about Dad's wishes which I have been unable to find any substantiation for. All timed to perfection to cause maximum upset and disruption. Am doing everything I can to resolve this and calm things down but it is so, so hard right now.

 

[jan.s]

I am so sorry to read this, but not at all surprised after the way they have behaved in the past. Keeping the peace is difficult at the best if times. Surely your Mum's wishes should be paramount in this, with each of the offspring having the chance to make a small appropriate contribution to the service. Wishing you well on this.

 

[LadyA]

What jan said.

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[love.dad.but..]

Well said Jan. Am so sorry to hear of your loss and now all this to deal with. My dad died also recently so both of our dear old dads are released from their dementia torment. In contrast my 2 a little bit invisible sisters are respecting Dads funeral wishes totally as it should Be and as it should be for your dad. Hope your mum can be strong enough to be firm in knowing what your dad wanted.

 

[Greycardi]

Today I dug out a gift from my father in law which dates back a few years. something he had chosen specially for me and an item I had previously rejected as I thought it was tacky. I have now given it pride of place because I don't have my own Dad anymore and because in a family apparently full of greedy, manipulative, cruel men, my father in law stands out as a sweet and loving individual who has always welcomed me and shown me so much love. I didn't always appreciate it fully before but I am going to make sure I do now.
Thanks to all Talking Point friends, I really don't know if I would have made it this far without you. I love hearing from you all and one day I will repay a massive debt by helping others in this forum. I will be the resident expert on families from hell!

 

[jan.s]

Hi, you do so well, standing firm over things, knowing that you are in the right. It can't be easy standing up to your family. Remember that everything you are doing is for your Dad and your Mum, who are unable to stand out for what they want, and need you to do it for them.

Keep strong and you will win. x

 

[Greycardi]

Jan S, thank you for your kind messages. My life has taken on a strange nightmarish unreality over the past few months. I know there are so many other people on Talking Point who have had to deal with financial abuse of their relatives, and the frustration of it is that it takes so much effort to get it to be taken seriously and acted upon. I just want to keep Mum safe and happy now she is on her own, and get her away from the circling vultures.

 

[Greycardi]

So the funeral has finally happened and it was just as I feared - a circus of immediate family behaving so, so badly. We got through the day. I feel ashamed of my awful family.