Mum

[only daughter]

Hi I haven't been on here for sometime it was my Dad that had dementia but sadly he passed away just over two years ago.
I'm a carer for my Mum now and not sure not she has dementia or it's her age. She will be 94 in May.
Since Dad died Mum has gradually been getting forgetful. Her short term memory is practically non existent.
I have been with her all afternoon and we have had the same conversations over and over again. I am finding it very wearing and when I leave her to come home she gets upset which makes me feel guilty and I also feel very low.
This has been happening for a long time now.
I do have alot of help from Social Services. Mum also has carer's everyday but I feel that it's down to me for everything.
Sorry if I have gone on but this is the one place that I feel I can express how I feel.

 

[Bod]

Would the move to a Care Home, give her the company she wants?
Just a thought.

Bod

 

[only daughter]

Would the move to a Care Home, give her the company she wants?
Just a thought.

Bod

Unfortunately no she has been living in the same house for nearly 69 years and has so many memories there and has also already said to me hope you don't ever put me in a home.

 

[Bod]

Tis, the standard request.
You have do what is in her best interests, at the end of the day.

Bod

 

[Shedrech]

hello only daughter
I'm glad you feel you can come here to write out your feelings - tough for you that your dad had dementia and you now wonder whether it's affecting your mum
It's good that your mum has home care visits, so you know that there are others looking out for her, though I appreciate what you say when you feel all the responsibility lies on your shoulders, which can feel like a heavy load
is there any way you could leave when the evening carer arrives, so that your mum is then occupied and you know she will be settled for the night by the carer
might you have a sitter for your mum some afternoons, so she has company but you don't feel it has to be you - or time at a day care centre - or even a live-in carer?
you don't say that your mum is unsafe at home, so I understand why it may not seem a move to a care home is required, yet (I say yet because it may be that some day this is in your mum's and your best interests; some 'promises' we make to our parents have to be kept in spirit, not to the word)
it's easy for me to say cut yourself some slack as you clearly are doing all you can, so there's no need for any guilt; harder for you to accept this and leave her with an easier mind
if you are feeling low and have done for some time, maybe have a chat with your own GP; it may help
and keep posting
best wishes

 

[HillyBilly]

Care homes have come on leaps and bounds since our parents' generation might have had anything to do with them. I don't suppose there are many parents who haven't said that to their children - and it's really not a fair thing to say or to ask your children to agree to. So don't feel guilty if you decide to consider that route x