Would appreciate comments on this

[constancea123]

I have recently placed my mother in a lovely care home, but have realized that it is absolutely wrong for her. My mother's dementia is not severe, by any means, and she is able to communicate well. She largely needs elderly care assistance, and some nursing. She is confused, and forgetful but her ability to communicate is quite good, with the tight people. She has done extremely well in respite and continuing care, gained confidence, made friends, and was looking forward to settling in a permanent place. No problems there.

The problem is that the care home we have placed her in, has many residents who are severely affected by dementia, and my mother thinks she is in a mental institution. She is becoming depressed and withdrawn very quickly, is not eating, and is frightened by some of the extremes she is seeing. She is not being difficult, and we are very afraid her health is going to suffer badly if we don't find another care home for her. This isn't just about settling in to a new place.

She is fully funded by Adult Services, and we were so pleased to find her a room in a lovely, private care home. We discussed her cognitive abilities, and were assured she would be able to talk to one or two residents which, in itself, was fine. The reality is rather different.

Has anybody else experienced a problem of this nature? If so, I would appreciate any advise. Thank you.

Regards, Caroline

 

[Cat27]

Welcome to TP

Have you discussed what's happening with the staff?
Personally I'd start looking for another home.

 

[stanleypj]

I agree with Cat. It doesn't sound as if this is the right place for your mum. I hope Adult Services will understand the difficulty. However, it may take a while to find a suitable home that has a vacancy.

 

[Chemmy]

The trouble is that in any home things could change next week. A couple of new residents, who are more capable of conversation, could move into the current home or conversely, you move her to somewhere deemed more suitable and then they lose some of their more sociable residents over the following weeks or months for a variety of reasons. I think lots of us felt that our parent wasn't 'bad enough' when they first moved in. I know I did but in time, Mum, too, became one of those people slumped in a chair. Not from any neglect in the care, just a natural progression of the disease.

Is there an activity co-ordinator in the current home? Maybe you could have a word with them? In my mum's CH, this person was the major factor in establishing the ambiance of the place. We had two wonderful ones and then some not so good ones over the eight years Mum was there, and the change in atmosphere when they were present was palpable.

I suppose how you feel about the quality of the rest of the care is a factor to be considered too.

 

[istherelight?]

Hello, constancea123.

This was exactly my problem with my mother - I felt that she was much more able than the other residents from the moment she went into her CH. However, not many CHs are able to deal with wanderers so I was lucky to find such a nice home locally, and with a vacancy.

My mother also became depressed and frightened but the staff have been wonderful (excellent, compassionate carers) and have encouraged her to makes friends with the less affected residents. But it is a problem because other dementia sufferers don't necessarily give the "feedback" that we can give to our loved ones. Conversations can be bizarre and add to the feeling that everyone is "mad" (my mother's words, not mine).








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[Chemmy]

From what I've seen, one problem with moving a person with dementia into a home with, say, primarily physically disabled residents who are capable of holding a perfectly normal conversation, is that some of these, who are in there because they are vulnerable and in need of care themselves, won't necessarily want to be in conversation with someone in the mid-stages of dementia.

We are now in this position with my MIL. Three years ago, she could laugh and joke with the residents and staff as she only had very early signs of VasD. Now things are proving troublesome because quite understandably, she is feeling isolated as she can't follow conversations (she says she can't hear, when in fact she means she doesn't understand) and the other residents sitting next to her in the lounge find her difficult to chat to, so they no longer bother. I do sympathise. We as a family find it difficult on our short visits, so goodness knows what its like for them, 24/7.

So moving your mum to a CH with more able residents doesn't necessarily mean that she would fit in as well as you might hope for.

 

[Fullticket]

Looking at all the other posts, I think we all agree it is a bit of nightmare. My mum goes into day care twice a week, where day care and residents mix. She tells me she hates it as they are all 'batty' in there. But in their view she is probably just as 'batty.' Mum has no short term memory so conversation with her is a bit repetitive. That's fine if another resident has the same problem! Physically less abled residents but without dementia always tell me that she is very nice but awfully forgetful. She will come away telling me that she has had nothing to drink, nothing to eat and has just sat there - whereas I have just spoken to the activities organiser and she gives me a rough outline of what she has done, i.e. eaten and drunk, been for a walk in the garden, participated in a quiz, done some knitting, etc. etc. On one occasion she presented me with a photo of a group of them in the local coffee shop where they had been taken to celebrate a birthday that day. By the time we were in the car mum denied moving out of her chair all day and told me she had spoken to no-one.

Obviously, go with your gut feeling as I'm afraid I tend to be a bit dubious about mum's aims. She has always been a bit spiteful and manipulative so I have to let it all go over my head. I guess what I am trying to say - in a very protracted way, is if you have done your best to ensure all is well, that is all you can do.

 

[Rosnpton]

Would appreciate a comment on this

Hi
You don't say how long your mums been in her ch. it may take a while for her to settle in. Reading the other replies I can confirm the atmosphere and interaction between the residents can chase by the hour if not the day. My mum has been in her ch for a year now. Her dementia has got a lot worse, and I'm afraid to say she is now one of the more volatile residents .on a good day,she is mildly confused but quite pleasant-on Mother's Day the ch did a tea party and I had a couple of lovely hours with her.yesterday I took my dad for his once a month visit (he refuses to go more often and has a long list of ailments himself). Unfortunately yesterday was a bad day for her and she was ranting and aggressive. We ended up having to leave after only 10 minutes. This was not good for us her or the other residents and their visitors. I made sure the staff were aware of us leaving and that she had disturbed and upset some of the others so they could check up on them.
As they always phone if there are any problems, and didn't, I can only presume she calmed down later on.
At least in the home you are back to being the daughter rather then the carer
Thinking of you
Ros

I have recently placed my mother in a lovely care home, but have realized that it is absolutely wrong for her. My mother's dementia is not severe, by any means, and she is able to communicate well. She largely needs elderly care assistance, and some nursing. She is confused, and forgetful but her ability to communicate is quite good, with the tight people. She has done extremely well in respite and continuing care, gained confidence, made friends, and was looking forward to settling in a permanent place. No problems there.

The problem is that the care home we have placed her in, has many residents who are severely affected by dementia, and my mother thinks she is in a mental institution. She is becoming depressed and withdrawn very quickly, is not eating, and is frightened by some of the extremes she is seeing. She is not being difficult, and we are very afraid her health is going to suffer badly if we don't find another care home for her. This isn't just about settling in to a new place.

She is fully funded by Adult Services, and we were so pleased to find her a room in a lovely, private care home. We discussed her cognitive abilities, and were assured she would be able to talk to one or two residents which, in itself, was fine. The reality is rather different.

Has anybody else experienced a problem of this nature? If so, I would appreciate any advise. Thank you.

Regards, Caroline

 

[Marcelle123]

I sympathise.

My mother went from hospital to a lovely care home which didn't normally have dementia patients. The manager told me after a day or two that he might not agree to accept her for a permanent place after the month was up - she was wandering into other people's rooms, taking their cardigans, and threatening them with her stick when they claimed their property back. She also called out for me and banged on windows.

She is now in a dementia home nearby which is caring and well-designed and where they can deal with these behaviours, so I'm pleased. But I admit, I was daunted when Mum first moved in, as many of the others are much worse than Mum. Mum too talked of 'nutty' or 'mad' people and has sometimes been frightened of them. Sometimes I am too - it's hard to know what to say when another resident tells me I shouldn't be playing cards with my mother or that I shouldn't be sitting in that armchair because the resident owns it.

Mum has acclimatised to a certain extent now, and having tried a non-dementia home, I wouldn't want to move her.

But your mother sounds better than mine and if it's early days and there's somewhere else she could try, I could see why you might want to move her - though a social worker warned me too that the atmosphere of a home can change very quickly when new residents move in.

Good luck with your decision and best wishes.

 

[Beachgirl]

It's difficult isn't it. My Mum is in the early stages of dementia and is in a care home where probably more than half of the residents have dementia. The staff did their best to settle her in and to introduce her to some ladies who they thought she would be able to chat to. However Mum seems to be increasingly becoming withdrawn and to be spending more time in her room. The carers and I try to encourage her to spend more time in the communal areas and to join in the activities, but she just isn't interested. I did wonder about looking at moving her to another home, but decided there is no guarantee she would mix any better with the residents somewhere else.

 

[SnowWhite]

It's difficult isn't it. My Mum is in the early stages of dementia and is in a care home where probably more than half of the residents have dementia. The staff did their best to settle her in and to introduce her to some ladies who they thought she would be able to chat to. However Mum seems to be increasingly becoming withdrawn and to be spending more time in her room. The carers and I try to encourage her to spend more time in the communal areas and to join in the activities, but she just isn't interested. I did wonder about looking at moving her to another home, but decided there is no guarantee she would mix any better with the residents somewhere else.

It's very difficult. my mum is probably the most able mentally in her care home. She does often say she sometimes looks round the lounge and they're all sitting there half asleep and not communicating. The staff do activities every afternoon but I have been surprised at how little the residents communicate at, for example, mealtimes and I do wish the staff would sometimes encourage them to chat. Mum used to go to a luncheon club when she lived at home an really enjoyed chatting to people.

Occasionally I've met a couple of ladies in the corridor who seem quite mentally able but they prefer staying in their own rooms which is a pity and, again, I would have expected staff to try and encourage them to socialise a bit more with people who are similar to them. I even wonder whether they prefer sitting in their own rooms as they find the lounge a bit depressing.

 

[theunknown]

The trouble is that in any home things could change next week. A couple of new residents, who are more capable of conversation, could move into the current home or conversely, you move her to somewhere deemed more suitable and then they lose some of their more sociable residents over the following weeks or months for a variety of reasons. I think lots of us felt that our parent wasn't 'bad enough' when they first moved in. I know I did but in time, Mum, too, became one of those people slumped in a chair. Not from any neglect in the care, just a natural progression of the disease.

Is there an activity co-ordinator in the current home? Maybe you could have a word with them? In my mum's CH, this person was the major factor in establishing the ambiance of the place. We had two wonderful ones and then some not so good ones over the eight years Mum was there, and the change in atmosphere when they were present was palpable.

I suppose how you feel about the quality of the rest of the care is a factor to be considered too.

I very much agree with Chemmy on this. When I opted for the care home for my mum I was struck by how attractively the inside and outside of the care home was decorated. It wouldn't have made any difference to my mum (she's in a secure unit), but for those of us visiting it was cheery and uplifting. Unfortunately the activity coordinator is no longer there. The outside of the building is still nice (ex-farm house), but we no longer have the pleasure of walking up to a home decorated in a way that suits the occasion, ie Christmas, Easter, Halloween, etc.

 

[oilovlam]

I went to a care home that was quite large (in an old, rambling building) that had two sections. One for the elderly well residents and another where residents needed more attention. It isn't ideal (I suspect) because one troublesome resident can make it a hell for all the others in their group.

On TV I have see care (nursing?) homes - probably in America - that have several sections specifically designed to cater for each stage of dementia. As their behaviour changes they are moved to the appropriate area. It is sad but it makes more sense than having to move to another home entirely. I don't know if they have such places over here. I expect they are rare - if they exist at all.

 

[meme]

Sounds hellish for your mother ..I think moving her to another home more suitable asap is the way forward

 

[Witzend]

I went to a care home that was quite large (in an old, rambling building) that had two sections. One for the elderly well residents and another where residents needed more attention. It isn't ideal (I suspect) because one troublesome resident can make it a hell for all the others in their group.

On TV I have see care (nursing?) homes - probably in America - that have several sections specifically designed to cater for each stage of dementia. As their behaviour changes they are moved to the appropriate area. It is sad but it makes more sense than having to move to another home entirely. I don't know if they have such places over here. I expect they are rare - if they exist at all.

I certainly know of homes with sections for no, or very mild dementia, and dementia sections. An aunt was in one such and it was lovely. She had previously been in an ordinary residential home but we'd had to move her when her dementia worsened and she started to bother the other residents.