Update and question about visiting PWD and dealing with requests to go home
Well, after 5 long weeks my PWD, mom, is still in hospital. After about 2 1/2 weeks she was declared medically fit and moved to the specialist dementia unit at a rehabilitation hospital. We still have no formal diagnosis as the process was interrupted by the unexpected stay in hospital and resulting delirium / worsening in her condition, however the doctor at the current hospital says she is showing classic Alzheimers symptoms. Mom does not understand where she is (she thought she was at work yesterday and was asking anyone that looked at her if she could help them) and says she wants to go home, on a continuous loop - where's my coat and shoes, can you take me, I'll get the bus if you won't take me home, I can't stay here.... yesterday as we were leaving she was shouting that we had to let her leave and was trying to get out of the door with us. I normally try to change the subject or distract her but she wouldn't let it go yesterday. A nurse had to distract her while we made a run for it. It was awful.
We saw the hospital social worker yesterday who seemed to be on a mission to get mom sent home with a full care package. Having seen the deterioration in her confusion and knowing how bad she was before the fall, hospital etc I cannot imagine how she would cope at home. And I cannot support her to the level she will no doubt require/demand (20-30 phone calls per day, being told to go round immediately, telling me she wants to die, etc). So we managed to steer things down the Enhanced Assessment Bed route - a temporary 4 week ish stay in a care home for further assessment and we are now waiting for the social worker to get in touch with details of care homes that are available and can meet her needs.
Presumably during that stay in the care home, a new social worker will be involved about next steps, including the dreaded financial assessment, and it'll then be down to us to find somewhere more permanent.
I must admit I'm struggling with how quickly things have deteriorated and still feel like a newbie in dealing with her. Other visitors at the hospital seem to have been dealing with dementia for years. I don't know where I'd be without the AS website and this forum.
Anyway, with apologies for the rambling, I'm after some advice please about how to deal with the constant requests to go home. As I've said I've tried changing the subject and distracting her but sometimes it just doesn't work. I tried explaining that she isn't well and needs to be there to get better, we need to make sure she is safe and doesn't have lots of falls etc. The staff are lovely and do a great job in reassuring her, much better than me. And she doesn't now remember her home. She can't describe it at all, although she appears very 'with it' when she can recite her full address to anyone that asks! She also keeps asking me about her old homes from when she was a child and the house she had previously. Sometimes she evens tells me that her brain is foggy and she can't remember.
Also tied up in this is the question about whether my visits actually help or whether they just cause stress. At the moment every time I leave, whether it's after 30 mins or 2 hours, she wants to put her coat on and come with me, and we have the same conversation. Sometimes I can calm her but usually one of the nurses has to help or take over. I've had her clutching my hand so hard I thought my finger had broken, staggering in front of me on her walking stick to block my way, waving the walking stick at me in an aggressive manner, shouting that she s being her against her will. My mom was never 'easy' to cope with but the dementia has just magnified it a thousand fold.
I know these are normal problems and there are far worse things to come, and I'm sure others have experience and advice which can help me here. All advice and tips welcome. Many thanks x