Worried leaving mother-in-law while me and husband are at work

Nibbs62

Registered User
Apr 20, 2015
5
0
Hello I am new to this group and need help. We live with my husbands mother who has dementia. Her condition is getting worse and we are now worried about leaving her while we are at work. A couple of times recently she has gone out the front door and closed it behind her we were there to bring her back in, she had no idea where she was going.
I always leave her lunch although she forgets to eat it sometimes, she has also forgotten how to make a cup of tea. She also doesn't recognise her house anymore and keeps asking to go home. Days and time have no meaning to her so trying to encourage her to go to bed at night is a struggle as she thinks she's only just got up. How do we get another assessment done and go about getting someone to check on her during the day while we are at work. Any help would be much appreciated.
 

Beate

Registered User
May 21, 2014
12,179
0
London
You have to contact Adult Social Services and tell them she is a vulnerable adult at risk for whom they have duty of care. Ask for a needs assessment for her and a carers assessment for you. If she needs constant supervision which you can't give due to work, they should arrange things like day care, sitting service, carers, respite, telecare (tracker and memo gadgets) and send an OT round to check the house and provide things like grabrails.
 

Nibbs62

Registered User
Apr 20, 2015
5
0
Thanks for your advice, I will look into it. :)


Sent from my iPad using Talking Point
 

Murper1

Registered User
Jan 1, 2016
123
0
As I understand it, it also depends if she will be self funding whether the LA will be helpful or not, and can pay for her own carer or someone to keep her company or take her out. And also perhaps arrange for a place at day care - some of them will collect and return! The local LA will have a book of information on local care agencies, day centres, and lots more info besides. Also a good time to sort out Power of Attorney if still possible. Hope it all works out.
 

chris53

Registered User
Nov 9, 2009
2,929
0
London
Good afternoon Nibbs62,just wanted to offer a warm welcome here at Talking Point to you,no need to repeat what others have said here,good sound advice:) would only like to add that if you have a consultation with mum in laws GP, or submit a letter or have a telephone consultation with them,they maybe able to fast track a referral to Social Services who will have to do an assessment of needs as well as a financial assessment, at the very least they should be able to advise you the way forward.
Hoping you get practical help soon, and please do keep posting
Take care
Chris
 

Sweetsheep

Registered User
Jan 12, 2017
79
0
Hello I am new to this group and need help. We live with my husbands mother who has dementia. Her condition is getting worse and we are now worried about leaving her while we are at work. A couple of times recently she has gone out the front door and closed it behind her we were there to bring her back in, she had no idea where she was going.
I always leave her lunch although she forgets to eat it sometimes, she has also forgotten how to make a cup of tea. She also doesn't recognise her house anymore and keeps asking to go home. Days and time have no meaning to her so trying to encourage her to go to bed at night is a struggle as she thinks she's only just got up. How do we get another assessment done and go about getting someone to check on her during the day while we are at work. Any help would be much appreciated.
Hi Nibbs62

We were in exactly the same situation but only for 2 days of the week as I have taken a part time position so I could be here 2 days and hubby does administration at home one day...it was getting to a point where she was opening the door to everyone and I assure you would probably allow anyone into our home! Also not eating and our biggest fear was her falling while we were at work. She is self funding and we found a lady who does companionship (it's cheaper than a care service) as she doesn't do any personal care or feeding..I make lunch and leave it for MIL and companion knows if she has eaten or not. She will just prompt her if not.

MIL now gets to speak to someone else in the week and gets to go out.

I feel much better that she isn't on her own all week and I think the different social interaction mixes things up a bit.

In our case though we are gearing up to having to get a carer in 3 days we week for personal care as MIL isn't washing anymore. But we will keep the companion as we find she is a lot happier on those two days. But she does protest on the days before the visits and we just ignore her or say Social services say she has to come over and she just accepts it.

Hope this helps.

Sweetsheep

Sent from my SM-G930F using Talking Point mobile app
 

Amber_31

Registered User
Jun 29, 2016
79
0
Sweetsheep, the idea of a companion interests me, where did you find out about the lady? Did she claim to have experience with dementia or anything? My situation is that i live with my mum, I would love to to go back to work a few days each week for my own sanity levels (but in my profession, going part time would constitute being 'on call') but I don't have any way of making sure my mum would be ok during the day. She doesn't need personal care and she would eat a lunch that I would leave for her, just someone to stop her wandering out of the house or getting worked up about something delusional, or doing odd things like ripping up treasured old photos. Or essentially, someone to be able to contact me in the case of emergency rather than the police! So the sound of a companion sounds right for me- I don't want to be paying for a proper dementia carer, I just need someone nice and trust worthy and who could be firm with PWD. I'm finding the whole world of childcare for my toddler enough of a minefield, for a mum it's a hundred times worse so I'm so interested to know what arrangements other families have. Thank-you.
 

Sweetsheep

Registered User
Jan 12, 2017
79
0
Hi Amber the lady we have coming in was luckily someone who my husband knew from childhood but she used to be a nurse and did actually work in a care home at the end of her career. She started her own business and advertised just as we were looking for someone. So in our case it was just great luck. However I think there are similar people out there..possibly Age UK may have a list of people in your area who offer a similar service? Also our Lady advertised her services by leaving pamphlets at the doctors surgery too. Maybe try that route..the important thing is my MIL doesn't even realise she is a paid helper...she is under the illusion that the companion is a friend which helps even more...sometimes she questions her persistence.at visiting...and I just say well social services said not to leave you all day on your own or else they may send someone who you won't like and she just accepts that.

Sent from my SM-G930F using Talking Point mobile app
 

Staff online

Forum statistics

Threads
138,112
Messages
1,993,086
Members
89,776
Latest member
Alister