feeling low

pins tony

Registered User
Oct 20, 2014
213
0
bristol
Hi to all my friends on TP.well its nearly two weeks since my lovely wife Junes funeral.it still seems unreal I just cant except that I will never see her again I know that's stupid but that's how I feel.my lovely family have been wonderful and I put a good face on for them but when I am alone that's when it hits me.you see I all ways thought I would go before June because of my heart condition.I know that drinking is not the answer but it helps the pain.if other people have gone through this how long before it start to get better.sorry about such a long post but it's only on T Pican explain how I feel I fell so low take care XXX
 

CollegeGirl

Registered User
Jan 19, 2011
9,525
0
North East England
Tony, my heart goes out to you. It's still very early days and your feelings are entirely understandable and normal. I don't really know what to say to help you, but couldn't read and not comment. Others wiser than me will be along soon, I know. Hang on in there.
 

Marcelle123

Registered User
Nov 9, 2015
4,865
0
Yorkshire
So sorry to hear of this, Tony. It is no wonder you feel so upset when things are still so new and raw. You need to look after yourself - eat & sleep as well as you can, and maybe ask your doctor for advice too. If there are friends or family that you can spend a quiet hour with, that will help. For when you are on your own, I would suggest having a long phone conversation with a kind friend or watching a film that will distract you.


There are no quick fixes for pain and grief like yours, but you are in my thoughts and prayers.
 
Last edited:

LadyA

Registered User
Oct 19, 2009
13,730
0
Ireland
Sorry you are so low, Tony. It's true that it's after the funeral, when friends and family are gone back to their own life that we feel it most keenly. Before then, we are sort of kept going, because there's still that one thing left to do for our loved one. After that, it's as if we're done, they've left us - and so has everyone else. And if we have been caring for them - even the visits to a nursing home - we suddenly find ourselves with a yawning chasm of empty time. It is so hard to find motivation to do anything. I remember many days finding that hours had gone by, and I had done nothing - just sat staring at the wall. That's grieving for you.

You do learn to live with it. And it does get "easier" in that it gets less raw. I tried to go out for walks when I could, because I found the less I did, the less I wanted to do. There are a few "community walking groups" near me, but I couldn't face joining any of them - still haven't, although I keep thinking I should! They don't do strenuous walks, just walks around locally and then coffee.

You need time, Tony. Lots of time.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
81,445
0
Kent
Hello Tony

You are experiencing what most of us experience after loss when all the busyness is over , and it`s not a nice place to be at all.

You know drinking is not the answer , I know overeating is not the answer and others know they smoke too much. It`s very difficult to make a life after loss .

IT will never be as good as it was when June was with you but it can be bearable in time. It`s very early days for you . My husband died three years ago and I have managed to make some sort of life for myself and you will eventually too, but just not yet. In time we learn to accept. Couples don`t die together unless they are in an accident. One always goes first and the one who is left has to manage as well as they can.

It`s probably the most difficult adjustment we have to make but on TP you are among friends.
 

Mammamu

Registered User
Jan 10, 2017
158
0
Bucks
Hi Tony,
Sending you a hug [emoji847], I have not walked in your shoes and can't imagine how you feel.
I have experienced loss, both my parents have left life as we know it....
(To make it easier for me, I "believe" my mum is a bumblebee)

My advice do whatever feels right for you & try not to be to hard on yourself!
Have a wash,get dressed, if you can try to eat something every day & make yourself go outside for something, a walk,buy some food, a flower or the paper. It's difficult to do I know but I found it helped me,If you feel like crying, cry let it all come out.....

Try to do here and now: second, minute, hour, slowly slowly you have managed a day....
I'm sorry for your pain, but it's because of love we can feel it.....

Sending you my thoughts & hugs [emoji847]
Ps how is Cody?

Mammamu [emoji202]


Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point


Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
 

LadyA

Registered User
Oct 19, 2009
13,730
0
Ireland
Good advice from Mammamu. Don't look at entire days ahead. You don't have to get through those. Just look at this next hour - whatever you do with that. And then the next. And then lunch. And so it goes.
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
73,998
0
72
Dundee
Just wanted to add my best wishes to those of the others. I have nothing to add as they have all given good advice. I lost my husband 7 months ago and I feel very much as GrannieG described.

I'm glad you posted here. You know you are amongst those who understand.
 

nannylondon

Registered User
Apr 7, 2014
2,475
0
London
Hi Tony, I know what you are feeling it's when you are by yourself that it really hits you, it's 7 weeks since my husband died and I can put a brave face on some of the time, but some days I just don't want to get out of bed.
I have no advice for you but wanted to let you know that you are not alone I think we just have to find our own way of coping.
 

Bill Owen

Registered User
Feb 17, 2014
182
0
71
BRIDGEND
Im there my self

hi to all my friends on tp.well its nearly two weeks since my lovely wife junes funeral.it still seems unreal i just cant except that i will never see her again i know that's stupid but that's how i feel.my lovely family have been wonderful and i put a good face on for them but when i am alone that's when it hits me.you see i all ways thought i would go before june because of my heart condition.i know that drinking is not the answer but it helps the pain.if other people have gone through this how long before it start to get better.sorry about such a long post but it's only on t pican explain how i feel i fell so low take care xxx

hi im bill .lost my wife march 30 last year . Also we got married on march 1 . Not a good month .delyth had lewy body dem. Not a good one to have . It will be 1 year on still feel the pain. It will take time has like you we love her .so it make it had sorry im dislix so bare with me. Look for small things to do not just around the house but out sie things. Bit at a time will do . Keep her in you hart has she will keep you going forward. I look up to the sky knowing delyth is keeping an eye over me .thats wher i get my strngth from .big whlsh cwcth from me .
 

carper8

Registered User
Feb 26, 2014
38
0
lincolnshire
hi tony
sorry you are feeling so sad, i cant offer much advice, only say that my husband died 10 weeks ago and i feel the same. i try to do one big thing a day, either have a coffee with a friend or just watch a tv programme.(I cant concentrate on a whole film}I have also read a couple of grieving books which i have found helpful.
this afternoon i am going to a beareavement group which i again find it helps me.
thinking of you
take care
carper8
 

pins tony

Registered User
Oct 20, 2014
213
0
bristol
mammanu

Koi
Hi Tony,
Sending you a hug [emoji847], I have not walked in your shoes and can't imagine how you feel.
I have experienced loss, both my parents have left life as we know it....
(To make it easier for me, I "believe" my mum is a bumblebee)

My advice do whatever feels right for you & try not to be to hard on yourself!
Have a wash,get dressed, if you can try to eat something every day & make yourself go outside for something, a walk,buy some food, a flower or the paper. It's difficult to do I know but I found it helped me,If you feel like crying, cry let it all come out.....

Try to do here and now: second, minute, hour, slowly slowly you have managed a day....
I'm sorry for your pain, but it's because of love we can feel it.....

Sending you my thoughts & hugs [emoji847]
Ps how is Cody?

Mammamu [emoji202]


Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point


Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point

Thanks for your kind words.Cody is fine.he does help.i have managed to make myself go out even if it's only to wetherspoons for yet another drink take care
 

Mammamu

Registered User
Jan 10, 2017
158
0
Bucks
Koi

Thanks for your kind words.Cody is fine.he does help.i have managed to make myself go out even if it's only to wetherspoons for yet another drink take care

Hi tony,
Just a quick hello.

I'm thinking of you and hope that you can have a pleasant evening.

A hug [emoji847] from Mammamu [emoji202]


Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
 

HillyBilly

Registered User
Dec 21, 2015
1,946
0
Ireland
Hi Tony. I have no advice to offer you because I've not been through what you're going through. I just wanted to offer a virtual hug and wish you some future moments of happiness - I'm sure they will be along.
I used to live in Bristol. How is it these days? I know that there are some very friendly characters there as well as many support organisations. A friend of mine volunteers at one of the city farms a couple of hours a week. And there is good walking to be had with a dog.
Just keep going as best you can for now, that is good enough x
 

Jinx

Registered User
Mar 13, 2014
2,333
0
Pontypool
Tony it will be a year on 19th March since I lost my husband. I still miss him but as Grannie G and others have said grief does become more manageable. You have the rest of your life and, although it's too early and you have to give yourself time to grieve, it's important to find something you enjoy (other than drinking) that can help to fill your days. I'm still working but I find art, photography, gardening and walking all help. Keep posting. xx


Sent from my iPad using Talking Point
 

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