Had enough today.

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jorgieporgie

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Mar 2, 2016
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YORKSHIRE
Oh Pollytickle,
It is relentless when its the same over and over again. Maybe this phase will pass soon. What meds dose your Mum take. They may need tweaking a bit.
Do you get any help or respite. It is hard when your doing caring 24/7. Hope you are able to get some time to yourself. Big Hugs x
 

CharlG1234

Registered User
Feb 28, 2017
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Advice

Hi,

I have just joined this forum today so I'm new to this but I would like some advice please :).

My nana has Alzheimer's she has been diagnosed for about 2 years now, it all originally began from my Grandad dying 7 years ago. Its been horrendous to watch her slowly deterate, at the moment she knows who we all are still, but doesn't know what day it is, time etc.

She has lived on her own for the past 7 years, but the last 4 years she has lived on her own but next door to her daughter (my auntie) so she is visited everyday and has a carer visit her 2 times a week, she goes out every Friday and weekend whatever the family is doing. My partner and I have recently moved in with her to look after her and get her into a routine.

Any advice what she can do in the day on her own as we are at work, also we are struggling at nighttime, as she is getting up, getting dressed and putting the TV on in the middle of the night. Does anyone have any advice on how to help at night?

What time should she be going to bed, and getting up?

Any tips or advice would be great. Thank you :)
 

lynnpc

Registered User
Jan 24, 2017
20
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Isle of Wight
Hi CharlG1234, sorry I haven't got any advice yet for you as I am very new to all this, Mum was diagnosed a few weeks ago, but I know that this site is a godsend for all of us. You will always find a warm welcome here. With Love, Lynn
 

CharlG1234

Registered User
Feb 28, 2017
2
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Hi Lynn, thank you! It's so good to hear from people going through the same (if not worse) situations so you don't feel on your own. Luckily my nana isn't aggressive yet, she is the opposite and laughs all the time and happy. X


Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
 

lynnpc

Registered User
Jan 24, 2017
20
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Isle of Wight
My Mum is the same as your nana at the moment, we are always having a good laugh together. Let's hope the aggressive stage is a long time coming. With Love, Lynn x
 

fedup.com

Registered User
Feb 21, 2017
4
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Carers fatigue is actually a thing!!!

Hi everyone and thanks for your warm welcome, hugs, and words of encouragement. I knew I would be too exhausted to post anything further.
Here, instead is a text I sent to a friend today which explains how I am feeling today. Someone who has been such a wonderful and understanding human being, but who I just have not been able to catch up with for near on 6 months.

"Hi sweetie ! !!!! Hope you had a wonderful time in Pareee!! I'm so glad you like your very overdue bday gift. I had much grander plans but glad this option is pleasing!!! I'm a bit all over the place at the min. I think I have carer's fatigue. It's a thing. And I've got it. I am currently cooking up 12 meals in a kitchen no bigger than a restaurant loo. And have neckache from dragging groceries back today. Just being honest and that's why I've been quiet on FB and also very antisocial. I will snap myself out of it though.....I want to have a lovely catch up with you when I'm not so stressed!!!! Maybe in a cpl of weeks?? "

And here is a note about carers fatigue which is SOOO SOO useful to read. I am going to print it and look at it every time I feel drained/angry/fed up/put upon!!
Many of you have described this fatigue...and here it all is in black and white.....

What causes carer fatigue?

Carer fatigue is a state of physical, emotional and mental exhaustion that may be accompanied by a change in attitude, from positive and caring to negative and unconcerned. Factors which may lead to fatigue can be:
Role confusion - many people find it difficult to establish and separate their role as carer and their role as spouse, child or friend.
Unrealistic expectations - many carers expect their involvement to have a positive effect on the health and happiness of the person being cared for. This may be unrealistic for those suffering from degenerative or progressive diseases such as Parkinson’s or Alzheimer’s.
Lack of control - many carers become frustrated by a lack of money, resources and skills to effectively plan, manage and organise their loved one’s care.
Unreasonable demands - some carers place unreasonable burdens upon themselves, in part, because they see providing care as their exclusive responsibility.
Recognising illness - many carers cannot identify when they are suffering from fatigue . If left untreated, fatigue can lead to the carer becoming sick and being temporarily unable to provide care.


How can I prevent carer fatigue?

Here is a list of strategies to help prevent carer fatigue:
Find someone you trust, such as a friend or colleague, and talk about your feelings and frustrations. Don’t be afraid to ask relatives or friends for support.
Set realistic goals and accept that you may need help with caring.
Set aside time for yourself, it is not a luxury, it’s essential. Try to focus on relaxing or being sociable and catching up with friends and family.
Talk to professionals. Your GP is a good starting point; they will be able to help you deal with a range of physical or emotional needs.
Research respite care services. Charities such as Carers Trust provide support workers to allow carers some time to themselves.
Know your limits. Learn to recognise your own symptoms of fatigue and seek help when you start feeling overstretched.
Educate yourself, the more you know about a disease or condition, the more effective you will be in caring for the person with the illness.
Learn to be an optimist and try to meet challenging circumstances with a positive attitude.
Stay healthy by eating a healthy, balanced diet and by getting plenty of exercise and sleep.
Accept your emotions. Negative feelings, such as anger or frustration, towards the person you care for are completely normal. When you feel stressed take five minutes apart from the person you care for, concentrate on taking slow, deep breaths until you feel calm.
Join a carers support group. Sharing your feelings and experiences with others in the same situation can help you manage stress and reduce feelings of isolation


That is all from me for a little while.

Keep your spirits up, whatever you are going through.

Lots of love and hugs to you all xxxxx
 

fedup.com

Registered User
Feb 21, 2017
4
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Oh Fedup you have so much to deal with, I'd be way, way beyond exhausted.

This is a very safe place to vent and we do say it how it is without having to pretend that everything is ok when it really isn't.

I'll be looking out for your posts, I just wanted to say hello and welcome for now. x

Thank you so much xxx
 

jorgieporgie

Registered User
Mar 2, 2016
1,982
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YORKSHIRE
Morning Hillybilly,
I was thinking the same, hope your all well. I am sure everyone will be popping in and let us know how the all are.
I'm fine, are you.
Will pop back in later x
 

Lavender45

Registered User
Jun 7, 2015
1,607
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Liverpool
Morning all.

Jorgie hope you are off for your regular Thursday outing later. Rosy it was such a shame that you had to miss Monday's singing for the brain session, I hope your mum is a little better. Worrier hope your dad is ok and that you were able to get him to his appointment. Also hope things went smoothly with the new windows. HD, Molly, Marnie, Hillybilly and everyone else, especially our newbies go, hope today is a good one.

Mum's ward phoned yesterday to say that at ward rounds that morning it has been decided that mum was ready for discharge. When they asked mum she told them that she felt very much better and that the tablets are working just fine. Mmmm!!! I do agree that mum hasn't shown any physical aggression for weeks so coming out isn't a problem, but they insisted on moving mum from one unit to another on Monday which totally unsettled her. Why have they put her through that, why not just keep her in the first unit as with luck it won't be for long. It's arrrhhhh so frustrating, certainly frustrating enough for me to express it in no uncertain terms to the nurse in the phone and believe you me I did. Making mum move units wasn't in mum's best interests!

Anyway they are still waiting for our LA to appoint a social worker for mum, but the nurse informed me that once one was appointed he or she could arrange the care package for mum to come home, errrhhh no I don't think so! I told the nurse that mum's consultant has told me that I would not be able to cope with mum at home, not even with day care, so I would be irresponsible not to heed his advice. The nurse sounded judgemental in her response as though I was dumping mum so I'm afraid I have her a bit more of a hard time. To give her her due she thawed a lot a she and said she will make sure they have a list of homes for me to view when I go to the ward round next Wednesday which I have been asked to attend.

It's not bad. The sooner mum is in a permanent placement where she can settle given time (I pray) I just don't like the way mum was moved for nothing, she was so distressed on Monday, for the short time I hope she will have to stay in the unit it seems very unfair.
 

rosy18

Registered User
Jul 23, 2016
1,281
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Blackpool
Hi Lavender I couldn't agree more you would think they would realise the stress caused by any move both for your Mum and then seeing the distress for you as well should and could have been avoided.They certainly don't make it straightforward for you do they. Let's hope you will find somewhere from the list they give you and your Mum gets settled in soon xx


Worrier how's it going? Hope your Dad is ok after his x-ray and not distressed with the windows being done xx

Jorgie hope your hair is looking fab and your ok.xx

HillyBilly do hope your Mum is feeling calmer but it is so cold to undress it's a bit hit and miss with my Mum as well. Was reading your thread yesterday xx

Mollyd, Marnie, Harrys'd, and all our new friends on TP hope you all have a calm night and a good a day as poss tomorrow.xx
 

Marnie63

Registered User
Dec 26, 2015
1,637
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Hampshire
Hi all, hope everyone is OK. I see we haven't heard from Worrier in a while, which is unusual. Hope everything is OK with you and your dad Worrier and that this week went OK with the appointment and the windows?

We haven't heard from HD in a while either. Hope all OK with you HD?

Mum and I have finally shaken the flu off and her diarrhoea has gone away too. That was just awful as I couldn't take her anywhere with the threat of an urgent loo requirement hanging over us.

I'm enjoying my Reflexology sessions. I love it and just find it so relaxing. It has been recommended that I have six sessions for maximum 'benefit'. I've had two now - a regular one, a hot stone one, and the next one will be combined with Reiki. I'm not as convinced about Reiki as I am on Reflexology, but will give it a try. I highly recommend a foot massage to anyone though - SO relaxing.

Mum remains calm, for which I am extremely grateful. No meds required at the moment, just the ones for her few medical issues. I'm waiting eagerly for Spring so that I can get her out in the garden.

Wishing everyone a calm weekend.
 
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LadyA

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Oct 19, 2009
13,730
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Ireland
Does anyone else think our seasons seem to have shifted slightly forwards? It was ridiculously mild until well into January here, and then, right when we were starting to look forward to Spring, it seemed as if Winter arrived! Frost, sleet, snow in some areas. And of course, the storms, one after another!

Sent from my Moto G Play using Talking Point mobile app
 

jorgieporgie

Registered User
Mar 2, 2016
1,982
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YORKSHIRE
Morning Everyone,
Marnie glad your getting some me time and relaxing.
LadyA agree the Seasons are all over the place at the moment, its freezing here again seem sometimes to have all four Seasons in just one day.
Hope you all have a peaceful weekend. x
 

Lavender45

Registered User
Jun 7, 2015
1,607
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Liverpool
Evening all. I made another joyless visit to mum this afternoon. I know the unit mum is now in is walking distance from home and not almost an hour away by bus, but I wish they'd never made her move.

Aside from totally unsettling mum there are things which I don't like. The staff are not uniformed. Mum doesn't know who is a patient, who is a visitor and who is a nurse. The uniform is a signpost for mum so she knows this person can help her. I've brought this up with the ward manager but it's policy apparently. Both units mum has been in are under the same mental health trust. The first wore uniforms the second doesn't. How can it be policy?

My other dislike is that it is open visiting. In its way I know this is a good thing. The other unit had visiting times 2-4 and 6-8 though they said they could be flexible of needed. Set visiting times gave me a reason to leave which mum understood. Without that natural end point I find I'm staying longer and longer because it feels hard to leave even when mum is being foul and calling me a useless another word for a female dog as she did today.

I know I'm being unreasonable, plain old cranky in fact. I'm blaming one to many bad visits! X
 

LadyA

Registered User
Oct 19, 2009
13,730
0
Ireland
With you on the uniforms. Uniforms made all the difference to William's behaviour when it came to personal care. We had had a male care assistant at home, but he didn't wear a uniform, and William was aggressive with him too. The uniformed staff at the nursing home never had any problems- in fact, he used to go and look for them if he wanted help.

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Spamar

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Oct 5, 2013
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Suffolk
Lavender, time your visits to just before meals. Say 11:00 if they have dinner at 12:00. Sorting everybody out for dinner will give you a natural exit and keep mum busy with something else.
 

Pollytickle

Registered User
Nov 15, 2015
759
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Sending (((Hugs))) to everyone who either needs or wants one...if there are any left over, put one in your pocket for later ;)

It's all been happening here tonight :eek: Mum is in a block of flats & the ones from downstairs were effing & jeffing to the ones upstairs, Matey-in-the-Middle's two Alsatian cross wanted to join in & that started the yappy Yorkie down the bottom to answer back too :mad: For once I'm glad Mum's deaf as a door knob once her hearing aids are out cuz I wouldn't be able to explain what was happening, if you'd given me 22 days & 14 theasurusisizz to do it :eek:
By the way the males were 'talking' I would think alcohol was a significant factor & - if nothing else - I feel reassured for our safety after a practical demonstration showed how well the woodwork coped, even if other things probably enhanced the ferocity used to "knock the door".

Like I've said before; glass half full :p
 

Lavender45

Registered User
Jun 7, 2015
1,607
0
Liverpool
With you on the uniforms. Uniforms made all the difference to William's behaviour when it came to personal care. We had had a male care assistant at home, but he didn't wear a uniform, and William was aggressive with him too. The uniformed staff at the nursing home never had any problems- in fact, he used to go and look for them if he wanted help.

Sent from my Moto G Play using Talking Point mobile app

I'm lucky mum has allowed personal care so far. When you stop and think about it someone you don't know from Adam and without a uniform comes up to you and suggests (all be it very nicely) that it's bath time. They then lead you off to a nice warm bathroom and expect you to undress in front of them and they expect to join in by helping you. It's asking a lot. Yet put that same person in a uniform and it's a nurse helping you to have a bath, helping make sure you are safe and warm in the bathroom. It's a very different thing isn't it. I cannot believe that the management of mum's unit cannot see that.
 
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