My partner has just been told he has a form of dementia. We are waiting a neurological assessment to pinpoint exactly which time . It has taken approx 2 years to get to this stage . He was signed off work last October and put on medication. Due to memory issues he often forgets then lies about taking it . I know within a couple of hours as his demeanour and behaviour changes . Anyway he will become abusive if I challenge him on this and turns into another fight and thinks everyone is picking on him treating him as an idiot. He refuses to leave his tablets where he can see them . We are only in early stages and I am already struggling to cope with this abuse and terrified how to cope in the coming years . My partner is 56 and hasn't taken on board his diagnosis. Still talking about going back to work . Any tips gratefully received
Forgetting/ refusing to take medication
- Thread starter Rusu
- Start date
hello Rusu
and welcome to TP - where there are plenty of folk who will recognise and sympathise with your situation
I'm sad to say that what you describe is familiar behaviour - for someone with dementia what they 'remember' is reality for them, and no amount of anyone explaining will alter that - think of someone telling you that you have odd shoes on when you know you put matching ones on and even checked in the mirror, but that someone insists you are wrong ..... - and then, even if the person with dementia (PWD) does see what you are telling them eg the pills are still in the container, well then, someone must have put them there after they took them because they definitely took them, and why are you trying to trick them, that's nasty and you are a horrible person ... and the bad feeling stays long after the situation has been forgotten, except then the PWD can't remember why they are upset, so you must have upset them ... and spiralling on
all this does mean that your partner is unlikely to grasp what his diagnosis means, or recognise the changes you see - PWD often think that they are just fine, so what is all the fuss about ...
there's a thread on compassionate communication which offers ideas that sometimes help - and it helped me to begin to see things from my dad's view
https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/showthread.php?30801-Compassionate-Communication-with-the-Memory-Impaired
on a practical level - have you seen various pill dispensers - from daily plastic wallets to timed ones eg
https://www.alzproducts.co.uk/pill-dispensers-organizers.html
the fancy ones are expensive, don't forget that with a diagnosis, there's no VAT to pay
and if you have a chat with your partner's GP and pharmacy, his pills can be organised in weekly blister packs - are you prepared to become quite devious?! maybe organise this and tell your husband that it's the new way of dealing with repeat prescriptions at his GPs so he's stuck with them being delivered this way
as for going back to work - maybe fib a little (we call them 'love lies' on TP; never meant to be malicious, just to smooth things over) and say that considering a return to work is up to the GP and how his medication goes; it'll take a while and the GP is monitoring his progress ... - is it possible to look into some day time activity to occupy your partner, you could broach it as keeping his skills going?
do let this GP and consultant know about the aggressive behaviour as meds may help him - good to keep the medics up to date on any changes you notice
I've gone on a bit, so I'll just quickly mention organising Powers of Attorney, Wills and separating out finances; all to help you in the future
keep posting
best wishes
and welcome to TP - where there are plenty of folk who will recognise and sympathise with your situation
I'm sad to say that what you describe is familiar behaviour - for someone with dementia what they 'remember' is reality for them, and no amount of anyone explaining will alter that - think of someone telling you that you have odd shoes on when you know you put matching ones on and even checked in the mirror, but that someone insists you are wrong ..... - and then, even if the person with dementia (PWD) does see what you are telling them eg the pills are still in the container, well then, someone must have put them there after they took them because they definitely took them, and why are you trying to trick them, that's nasty and you are a horrible person ... and the bad feeling stays long after the situation has been forgotten, except then the PWD can't remember why they are upset, so you must have upset them ... and spiralling on
all this does mean that your partner is unlikely to grasp what his diagnosis means, or recognise the changes you see - PWD often think that they are just fine, so what is all the fuss about ...
there's a thread on compassionate communication which offers ideas that sometimes help - and it helped me to begin to see things from my dad's view
https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/showthread.php?30801-Compassionate-Communication-with-the-Memory-Impaired
on a practical level - have you seen various pill dispensers - from daily plastic wallets to timed ones eg
https://www.alzproducts.co.uk/pill-dispensers-organizers.html
the fancy ones are expensive, don't forget that with a diagnosis, there's no VAT to pay
and if you have a chat with your partner's GP and pharmacy, his pills can be organised in weekly blister packs - are you prepared to become quite devious?! maybe organise this and tell your husband that it's the new way of dealing with repeat prescriptions at his GPs so he's stuck with them being delivered this way
as for going back to work - maybe fib a little (we call them 'love lies' on TP; never meant to be malicious, just to smooth things over) and say that considering a return to work is up to the GP and how his medication goes; it'll take a while and the GP is monitoring his progress ... - is it possible to look into some day time activity to occupy your partner, you could broach it as keeping his skills going?
do let this GP and consultant know about the aggressive behaviour as meds may help him - good to keep the medics up to date on any changes you notice
I've gone on a bit, so I'll just quickly mention organising Powers of Attorney, Wills and separating out finances; all to help you in the future
keep posting
best wishes
We were really struggling with Dad refusing his medication/tabets.
Now the Dementia Care nurse to whom Dad's case is assigned has managed to get the dementia medication (memantine and respiridone) in liquid form that can be put into tea or orange juice. The other tablets (diabetes and kidney function) his carer had the bright idea of grinding up in a pill crusher and inserting into small sweet dates that he has with his breakfast. It's a bit fiddly but so far it has worked really well. Like everything with dementia it will probably stop working at some point but for now it is helping.
The GP also prescribed liquid paracetemol for him and if he needs antibiotics they come as liquid too.
Now the Dementia Care nurse to whom Dad's case is assigned has managed to get the dementia medication (memantine and respiridone) in liquid form that can be put into tea or orange juice. The other tablets (diabetes and kidney function) his carer had the bright idea of grinding up in a pill crusher and inserting into small sweet dates that he has with his breakfast. It's a bit fiddly but so far it has worked really well. Like everything with dementia it will probably stop working at some point but for now it is helping.
The GP also prescribed liquid paracetemol for him and if he needs antibiotics they come as liquid too.
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