Calling me in the night

[Selinacroft]

Dad has Vascular Dementia and seems to be at the stage of calling me in the night.
Last night for example, I had been at work and was still lieing awake at about 2.00 in the morning just about to drift off to sleep before getting up again at 5.30 for work. Dad picks his moments and called me at 2.00AM. I came down to see he wanted and was told he had just woken up, was it breakfast time, when was the carer here and why was she so late, was I going to work. _ I explained No Dad it is the middle of the night, go back to sleep. No he couldn't he had just woken up and got up so what could he do? We went round on that loop for about 20 minutes.
Tried to have some rest myself this morning after work and was just drifting off again when he calls me ( already told him I hadn't slept and needed to lie down. This time he kept talking to himself downstairs so I gave up and went to see what the problem was and this time his underpants were strangling him in his own words so I had to change his pants.
Any tips of surviving this stage of dementia as a carer?
Dr won't give him sleeping tablets because of other health issues. I've already changed my working hours but working early shift and late shift at weekends.

 

[nita]

There was a stage in my mother's illness when she was in pain at night and it wasn't properly controlled. It was also exacerbated by her increasingly worsening dementia. I took to sleeping downstairs near her and getting up to give her medication, help her to the commode, etc. during the night. I, however, didn't work, so was able to catch up a bit in the day. When I broke my shoulder, I was able to get night sitters provided by a care agency. At that point Mum didn't have day care so she had care at night instead. Some of the nights I paid for privately as the LA only paid for a few per week.

Would it be worth pursuing this, even just paying for the occasional night's care (a waking sitter). The carer will usually stay for 10 hours. It would give you a chance to rest.

 

[marionq]

John takes Trazadone to calm down this kind of behaviour. I don't know why anti depressants work for PWD because he is not depressed but he is certainly easier to live with.

 

[Marnie63]

I really sympathise with you as mum did this for a long time (also has VaD). Before her very sudden decline, she had taken to having paracetamol just before bedtime. I occasionally still give her this (only one usually) as have read that sometimes it has a calming effect for PWDs. I'm not sure whether it helps to 'calm' her at night or not, but if somehow she still feels it's going to help her sleep, then it can't hurt. I checked with GP and he said this was OK. The only thing which has any real effect on mum when she's agitated is Lorazepam. It has a weird effect - it seems to bring her back to her old self a bit, albeit briefly, and then makes her sleepy. I have it on repeat now but only use it when I really have to (ie when I need to sleep at night!).

With mum, I have found that things go in cycles. For example, she's just had a chest infection and now the paranoia and delusions have reduced considerably. Maybe the 'brainpower' diverted to the chest infection? Who knows, but she is definitely different. I found the same with the calling at night. Eventually (after a few months!) it calmed. Now she doesn't do it at all, in fact she usually stays in bed until I appear at the bedside with a cup of tea. I am extremely grateful for the current position, but I know it could change any day. But, at least it has given me some breathing space before the onslaught of God knows what will happen next.

I wonder if Lorazepam may help your dad, unless it's one of the drugs the GP has said he cannot take? It definitely takes the 'edge' off with mum.

Mum was tried on Trazodone and Mirtazapane briefly (to calm her and help her sleep) but I didn't like the side effects (too sleepy, unsteady and very 'spaced out'). One psychiatrist tried to convince me to keep her on them for a year, but I weaned her off and a few weeks later our GP agreed she didn't need them! But, I guess it was all worth a try.

 

[Tin]

Every time mum wakes through the night she always calls my name or announces her appearance with "Don't worry I'm here now, are you alright?" So sometimes it is not always about her wanting to know where the dog is, but it usually is. It is really hard and the dementia seems to be more advanced in the middle of the night than during the day. Like someone on here has said, I don't work so can catch up the next day.

 

[Selinacroft]

Thanks for all replies, there is no way on earth I could have a night time sitter, Dad wouldn't even tolerate a day time sitter for an hour and there is no where for them to go, plus it would keep me up having someone else in the house and more to supervise/keep an eye on etc so a none starter on that front. Dad is still quite "with it " in many respects.
Dad had CKD stage 4 and ulcerated elgs in dressings and shuffles along. This means frequent night visits to commode and I think the GP thought any sleeping medication would make him more prone to the risk of falling and potentially breaking something hence no sleeping tablets. I do give him 2 paracetamol every evening and he is on a Fentonyl pain patch. I would agree his dementia symptoms seem to escalate during the night with increased muddledness and confusion.
I can't even shout down the stairs to him because he is deaf as a post at the moment and just had ears syringed and hearing aids serviced.

 

[stu100]

My nan did the same

Sent from my SM-G935F using Talking Point mobile app

 

[nita]

I'm sorry the night sitter is a non-starter. By the way, if you have a waking sitter they just have to have somewhere to sit near the person and as my mother was in the lounge, they sat on the sofa. Admittedly, she was accepting other people by then.

You say your father is on a Fentanyl patch. My mother was too. Are you sure his pain is being controlled? At one time, they offered my mother Amitriptyline (an anti-depressant but it also offers pain relief and aids sleep) - this didn't work for her but I wonder if something like that would work in your father's case. Maybe check if his pain is being controlled properly. As others have said, paracetamol may help. Diazepam used to calm my mother and help her sleep if she got very agitated but there are side-effects - as you say, the risk of unsteadiness and falling when he goes to the commode. It's all very difficult.

 

[Selinacroft]

Dad can't tolerate a Day sitter either- she helps me int he kitchen and has to keep out of his way or is frog marched tot he front door
I will speak to District Nurse about the pain , but the trouble is Dad never says he is in pain. When he is still and not moving he is fine so he always says no he is fine which doesn't help. I have top up Oxynorm similar to Oramorph if I need to give it but it just makes him more doolally so best avoided wherever possible.

 

[Selinacroft]

Well Dad has finished a week on the antibiotics and is still calling me for trivial things he can't manage throughout the night- he seems to have abandoned sleeping. He is eating much less than normala dn refused a cup of tea last night and this morning which is most unusual.
How long might this go on for? Not sure what else to try. Could he still have infection?
Also very hard to tell what he can see- it would appear very very little but not sure if it is his vision which is going or his ability to interpret what he sees if this makes sense.