I live with my Mum who has advanced Alzheimer's. I have lasting Power of Attorney shared with another person. My Mum can not manage her finances on her own.
My Mum has had lifelong problems with emotional stability and has always been prone to frequent outbursts of anger. She is also fiercely independent.
Recently she has been getting very angry with me because she's no longer her pension in pound notes in her hand. She feels I am withholding her rightful money from her and am effectively stealing it for my own purposes.
I keep some cash of hers in a safe in the house and assure her that her money is there and that I am looking after it for her and the safe stops other people taking it. Sometimes I show the cash to her. From time to time, I give her about £30 in half a dozen £5 notes which she likes to give to her grandson when he visits once a month. Apart from that all other payments are made electronically. Needless to say, if I give her the £5 notes the day before her grandson visits, she will lose it and blame intruders or me for taking it.
HOW CAN I AVOID HER HATRED OF ME FOR WITHHOLDING THE CASH SHE CAN NO LONGER MANAGE? The hatred and anger can go on for days and is spoiling our relationship as you can imagine it would if you thought someone had taken your money and wouldn't give it to you.
I had hoped the other person with LPA (a family friend who lives a few miles away) would say she's making the financial decisions and it is not up to me how much cash my Mum gets to hold but unfortunately this other person is reluctant to share the blame.
This must be a common enough problem. Any ideas how to handle it?
My Mum has had lifelong problems with emotional stability and has always been prone to frequent outbursts of anger. She is also fiercely independent.
Recently she has been getting very angry with me because she's no longer her pension in pound notes in her hand. She feels I am withholding her rightful money from her and am effectively stealing it for my own purposes.
I keep some cash of hers in a safe in the house and assure her that her money is there and that I am looking after it for her and the safe stops other people taking it. Sometimes I show the cash to her. From time to time, I give her about £30 in half a dozen £5 notes which she likes to give to her grandson when he visits once a month. Apart from that all other payments are made electronically. Needless to say, if I give her the £5 notes the day before her grandson visits, she will lose it and blame intruders or me for taking it.
HOW CAN I AVOID HER HATRED OF ME FOR WITHHOLDING THE CASH SHE CAN NO LONGER MANAGE? The hatred and anger can go on for days and is spoiling our relationship as you can imagine it would if you thought someone had taken your money and wouldn't give it to you.
I had hoped the other person with LPA (a family friend who lives a few miles away) would say she's making the financial decisions and it is not up to me how much cash my Mum gets to hold but unfortunately this other person is reluctant to share the blame.
This must be a common enough problem. Any ideas how to handle it?
Last edited: