Just lost it with mum ..

[saskia]

Have just had the millionth ( I know...Slight exaggeration) phonecall from mum, most I've not answered, but did the last one & I knew it would be the ' you don't love me call'..... Crocodile tears, shouting, etc etc

She's on her own & reckons she cant lock her front door, also the dog Q ( where's my dog , DEAD MUM!!!) & I'm ashamed I have just screamed at her down the phone & slammed it down & unplugged it.....

So poor hubby has gone round, 15 min drive, to fix a door that's not broke, , to be shouted at cos he would 'have killed her dog'

I'm in tears as it been a really hard week...Police knocking on my door at 2.00am due to mum reporting dad ( dead) & dog (dead) to them, emergency physc assesment, GP appt & the constant guilt, worry associatd with coping with this disease.

Sorry, thank u for reading, I know you all understand..........

Sas x

 

[lemonjuice]

Firstlty take a breath.
You're certainly not the first to 'lose it'. Nor will you be the last. Whilst it isn't ideal we are all human and sometimes something has to give.

One of the better things about dementia is that within a short space of time your mother will have forgotten the incident. She may retain the 'bad feelings' but may well not remember the incident which caused them.

That's what I used to hand on to when it used to happen to me.

 

[marionq]

It's not much comfort but the police will be reporting all of this to,social services. If you decide she needs to go into care then a pattern of behaviour will be recorded. I wonder if the company and security of a care home would be reassuring for her?

 

[Aisling]

Have just had the millionth ( I know...Slight exaggeration) phonecall from mum, most I've not answered, but did the last one & I knew it would be the ' you don't love me call'..... Crocodile tears, shouting, etc etc

She's on her own & reckons she cant lock her front door, also the dog Q ( where's my dog , DEAD MUM!!!) & I'm ashamed I have just screamed at her down the phone & slammed it down & unplugged it.....

So poor hubby has gone round, 15 min drive, to fix a door that's not broke, , to be shouted at cos he would 'have killed her dog'

I'm in tears as it been a really hard week...Police knocking on my door at 2.00am due to mum reporting dad ( dead) & dog (dead) to them, emergency physc assesment, GP appt & the constant guilt, worry associatd with coping with this disease.

Sorry, thank u for reading, I know you all understand..........

Sas x

Massive hugs being sent to you.

Aisling xx

 

[Slugsta]

Further (((hugs))) from me too.

 

[Wheresmygin]

Please don't beat yourself up about it. This is a difficult time for all of us, and we've all said something we didn't mean when under a large amount of stress.

I think Marionq hit the nail on the head. If this is how your Mom is behaving, maybe it is time to think about somewhere more comfortable and safe for her.

Sending hugs
Wheresmygin x

 

[Tin]

Think we have all done it, I know I have. Remember one occasion when I had to go and sit in my car for fear of hurting my mum after shouting at her, I should have driven off somewhere, but I could not have lived with the guilt if something had happened to her. Back then she was capable of making herself a cup of tea, switching on tv or radio and probably would have been ok, she could also still use the phone and would have probably dialled 999 - more guilt, but at least safe. Before mum moved in with me she often called my brother or sister night and day, sometimes even me and then there was over 100 miles between us, but I got the same stuff "you have to come round right now, the dog needs to go to hospital" was her most used demand. Back then I used to wonder if there was a genuine emergency, would mum honestly be able to call any of us? Maybe not. My brother, who got the worst of all this telephoning, did eventually switch off his mobile phone at night, just could not take anymore and at that point she just moved on to the next one, my sister, then me. Forgot to mention that her neighbours got a fair share of all the telephoning too, evident from her very large telephone bill 9 pages of itemised calls!!!!

Lots of hugs, hope Hubbie is back now and you have a quiet Sunday evening.

 

[Mandyo]

I know just how you feel , after a call at 8am from carer saying she's changed mums bed , because there was blood in it , I went straight over ( all seems fine) to a call at 2 pm to ask what day it was , ? to a tearful distressed call at 4-30 to say someone's stolen the front door keys !! Back over I go to look for keys - 2 nd time in a week to no avail , a few days ago it was address book - that went on for several days . Haven't found keys and took a good hour to calm things down , she can't remember any carers or visits earlier in the day . She has carer pop in 4 times a day after having had a heart attack 29th Dec , and a battle with social services / hospital saying she cannot come home without help ( 85 , lives alone with Alzheimer's and vascular dementia) she's started wandering during the day abit . Sometimes it's hard to remain calm and patient when it's just you on your own . I find reading the posts invaluable and they certainly help me to know I'm not the only one struggling with this , so don't feel bad , everyone has to let off steam sometimes x

 

[Margi29]

Am afraid I have lost count of the amount of times I have had various phone calls of utter c**p !!! You are not on your own and I find it helps me a great deal to rant on here when I am driven to exhaustion by this.

Generally after phone call it is quite normal for my mobile to fly across to other side of room

Then I think, tomorrow is another day x

 

[carrieboo]

Just read this, you poor love, what a rubbish time you're having. We have all lost it - I think I gave you a detailed description of one of mine.... it's exhausting and infuriating, dealing with someone with dementia is like trying to plait jelly. But she won't remember.

The dog thing will surely pass eventually.

Sending all my best wishes and good vibes via the interweb this evening...... K x

 

[Amber_31]

My mum just says a thousand times a day 'you're going to evict me aren't you', and 'where will I go', when the reality is i moved in to her house to easier care for her nearly a year ago. Each time I tell her how much she is loved, that it's her home and I'm the guest but she still asks every day.

 

[Amber_31]

Ahh - well I'm not always so nice. She 'tries to help' by wiping kitchen surfaces with a teatowel and puts dirty cutlery back in the drawer. Or washes clothes with water and nothing else and then folds them up wet. As I have an often screaming baby crawling around I then have a go at her as all her actions are directly contrary to my attempts to keep the place shipshape and then feel so terrible afterwards as I know she's only trying to be useful :-(

 

[Boz Rihan]

Losing it

As others have said, mum won't remember
We all feel awful when we lose it but we are only human and enough is just too much sometimes. It's so hard to keep even half a smile on one's face when emptying the commode for the umpteenth time (at least she got it in the commode) or washing and drying the floor, or sniffing clothing, or listening to the tears (why is she crying?) Or preparing food she asked for only to be told she's not hungry, or thinking whether to remind her that her parents are no longer alive or go along with her delusions etc. Just as no one has written a helpful manual on parenting so no one can or will produce a manual that will fit every very different situation when caring for a PWD. TP is wonderful because we can share our experiences and perhaps learn something. At the very least we know we are not alone with this awful illness and we all have the same feelings at one time or another. If we lose it with the PWD we are the ones who feel bad but it passes and we plod on doing our best until the next time. Take care all who care for someone with this horrible illness xx

 

[Amy in the US]

Saskia, how are you today?

 

[sue38]

Don't beat yourself up Saskia. My mum has hearing problems which meant sometimes, when she was at home, I had to shout so she could hear and from there it was only a short hop to me shouting because I was losing it. In that moment it's a release, but immediately afterwards you feel like the worst person in the world for shouting at an elderly woman who really can't help her behaviour.

As others have said mum probably won't remember.

Mum is now in a care home where she is safe (no longer inviting strangers into the house to put her TV on) where professional carers cope with her and tell me how entertaining they find her behaviour.