Hello everyone, I hope someone can advise me.
My Mum is 82. For 4-5 years or so, she has gradually had increasingly severe memory and speech/language problems. However, until recently she was always able to put on a good act with the GP, and my Dad (in complete denial) wouldn't bring up the problems to the GP. So the diagnosis process was left very late and only began late in 2016.
Just before Christmas, following several scans etc (which had to be re-arranged several times, as she refused to attend them), the GP told my Dad that the preliminary diagnosis was frontotemporal dementia. She has an appointment with a consultant next week.
But. My Dad took her up to Scotland for Christmas/New Year to visit my brother, who they hardly ever see. While she was there, she had a complete breakdown, presumably triggered by the travelling and strange surroundings. She didn't know who anyone was, including my Dad, thought people were trying to kill her, and so on. It was so bad that my Dad (85) didn't think it was safe for him to drive back with her (it takes them three days, since, due to his age, they take it in small chunks and we're nearly 500 miles away).
While up in Scotland, they took her to A&E, and she was prescribed quetiapine as an anti-psychotic, and also diazepam to calm her down. Then bad weather set in, and it was another 10 days before they finally made it home.
Since getting home (where she's lived for more than 20 years), the delusions have only become worse. She now thinks she's being held here against her will, she claims she's not married and her family are waiting for her elsewhere. She gets very aggressive about it, and is constantly asking for the police to be called. We live here with her and my Dad, but even us as three competent adults, we're struggling to calm her. We've tried reasoning, showing her photos etc, which not surprisingly doesn't work. We've tried sympathising and changing the subject, we've tried soothing and distracting her, but nothing works. She will not be distracted from the focus of wanting to get "home" or trying to get us to contact her "family".
She did see her own GP yesterday morning, and put on a good front for him appearing almost normal. He is however obviously aware of the Scottish breakdown and the NHS contact she had while up there. I have rung the GP surgery several times in the last 48 hours, on occasion in floods of tears, begging for help - a referral to elderly mental health, or a community psychiatric nurse, or social services, or something, anything, anyone, who can advise us, help us, teach us how we're supposed to deal with this. I was effectively told to go away by the GP, who is refusing to refer her anywhere until the diagnosis is confirmed. He won't arrange anything, not even a social services care assessment, until then. Trouble is that although the initial consultant appointment is next week, the GP has already told my Dad that the consultant will want to arrange further MRI scans etc before confirming the diagnosis, and this this is likely to take a few months all told.
So we're effectively being abandoned for a few months, until the diagnosis is official. She has prescriptions for quetiapine and diazepam, but most of the time she refuses to take them anyway, thinking we're trying to poison her or something. We truly cannot cope and are at our wit's end.
Can anyone teach me/advise me how to cope with these delusions when distraction doesn't work? We can't "go along" with them, or we'll end up having to call the police for her or allow her to call the police. She's not interested in anything, won't eat and is in a constant state of distress, from the time she wakes up until the time she eventually sleeps. On the days when she will take the quetiapine, she does at least sleep for 8 hours or so, but otherwise she wanders most of the night too in distress.
Surely it can't be right that we're not allowed any support in the meantime? How are people supposed to cope if diagnosis has been made late, and symptoms are this bad in the meantime?
Should we just take her to A&E in the hope that this gets her onto the radar better? We've offered to do that, but of course she won't get in the car. We'd have to lie and say we were going to take her home.
I'm sorry for such a long post, but I truly don't know where to turn now that the GP has ruled out any kind of community help or support. Thank you so much for any advice you can offer.
[Sorry, forgot to add that she DID have a mild UTI while in Scotland, but apparently she does not currently have an infection of any kind, according to her GP, so it's not that exacerbating the situation]
My Mum is 82. For 4-5 years or so, she has gradually had increasingly severe memory and speech/language problems. However, until recently she was always able to put on a good act with the GP, and my Dad (in complete denial) wouldn't bring up the problems to the GP. So the diagnosis process was left very late and only began late in 2016.
Just before Christmas, following several scans etc (which had to be re-arranged several times, as she refused to attend them), the GP told my Dad that the preliminary diagnosis was frontotemporal dementia. She has an appointment with a consultant next week.
But. My Dad took her up to Scotland for Christmas/New Year to visit my brother, who they hardly ever see. While she was there, she had a complete breakdown, presumably triggered by the travelling and strange surroundings. She didn't know who anyone was, including my Dad, thought people were trying to kill her, and so on. It was so bad that my Dad (85) didn't think it was safe for him to drive back with her (it takes them three days, since, due to his age, they take it in small chunks and we're nearly 500 miles away).
While up in Scotland, they took her to A&E, and she was prescribed quetiapine as an anti-psychotic, and also diazepam to calm her down. Then bad weather set in, and it was another 10 days before they finally made it home.
Since getting home (where she's lived for more than 20 years), the delusions have only become worse. She now thinks she's being held here against her will, she claims she's not married and her family are waiting for her elsewhere. She gets very aggressive about it, and is constantly asking for the police to be called. We live here with her and my Dad, but even us as three competent adults, we're struggling to calm her. We've tried reasoning, showing her photos etc, which not surprisingly doesn't work. We've tried sympathising and changing the subject, we've tried soothing and distracting her, but nothing works. She will not be distracted from the focus of wanting to get "home" or trying to get us to contact her "family".
She did see her own GP yesterday morning, and put on a good front for him appearing almost normal. He is however obviously aware of the Scottish breakdown and the NHS contact she had while up there. I have rung the GP surgery several times in the last 48 hours, on occasion in floods of tears, begging for help - a referral to elderly mental health, or a community psychiatric nurse, or social services, or something, anything, anyone, who can advise us, help us, teach us how we're supposed to deal with this. I was effectively told to go away by the GP, who is refusing to refer her anywhere until the diagnosis is confirmed. He won't arrange anything, not even a social services care assessment, until then. Trouble is that although the initial consultant appointment is next week, the GP has already told my Dad that the consultant will want to arrange further MRI scans etc before confirming the diagnosis, and this this is likely to take a few months all told.
So we're effectively being abandoned for a few months, until the diagnosis is official. She has prescriptions for quetiapine and diazepam, but most of the time she refuses to take them anyway, thinking we're trying to poison her or something. We truly cannot cope and are at our wit's end.
Can anyone teach me/advise me how to cope with these delusions when distraction doesn't work? We can't "go along" with them, or we'll end up having to call the police for her or allow her to call the police. She's not interested in anything, won't eat and is in a constant state of distress, from the time she wakes up until the time she eventually sleeps. On the days when she will take the quetiapine, she does at least sleep for 8 hours or so, but otherwise she wanders most of the night too in distress.
Surely it can't be right that we're not allowed any support in the meantime? How are people supposed to cope if diagnosis has been made late, and symptoms are this bad in the meantime?
Should we just take her to A&E in the hope that this gets her onto the radar better? We've offered to do that, but of course she won't get in the car. We'd have to lie and say we were going to take her home.
I'm sorry for such a long post, but I truly don't know where to turn now that the GP has ruled out any kind of community help or support. Thank you so much for any advice you can offer.
[Sorry, forgot to add that she DID have a mild UTI while in Scotland, but apparently she does not currently have an infection of any kind, according to her GP, so it's not that exacerbating the situation]
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