Husband in respite care but not settling

[paddiwak]

My OH went missing yet again last Monday evening. I couldn't find him so had to call police. This has happened numerous times before and this time was the'straw that broke the camels back' I contacted our social worker and she made arrangements for OH to go iinto respite care on Wednesday, his first time. I was told not to visit for the first few days to let them get him settled, but I could ring up to see how he is getting on.
It seems he isn't settling at all and keeps walking round and round and in and out of bedrooms. He does not like being shut in. At home we spend most of the day going out somewhere as he doesn't like being in the house as it's not home any more.

I thought I would benefit from the rest but I'm not sleeping and keep having crying fits as I'm not sure that I have done the right thing although I knew I needed a rest. I'm also dreading him coming home as I know things will be very unsettled once again with him being more frightened and anxious than he was before going into RC.
Alzheimers is hell for all concerned.

 

[Cat27]

It's very early days. I hope he settles soon & you get some rest.

 

[pamann]

Hello Paddiwak

Sorry you are going through the same as l did 17months ago, l took my husband out everyday as he could not stay in, but it was waring me out, he would go out walking, l called the police numerous times as he could not find his way home. The police were very kind, but told me he was not safe to keep wandering out as he could be knocked down, as he walked on the road,
He went into a CH for respite, it is upsetting for you, but you need to have a break from caring 24/7, l went on too long then had a nervous breakdown. My husband is still in the CH.
I should have had help with respite then l would have been able to cope with him.
Try to get regular respite it will give you more strength to look after him.
He will not settle it takes a long time, but it will give you a muc h needed break.

Think of yourself and take care.

 

[paddiwak]

Sorry you are going through the same as l did 17months ago, l took my husband out everyday as he could not stay in, but it was waring me out, he would go out walking, l called the police numerous times as he could not find his way home. The police were very kind, but told me he was not safe to keep wandering out as he could be knocked down, as he walked on the road,
He went into a CH for respite, it is upsetting for you, but you need to have a break from caring 24/7, l went on too long then had a nervous breakdown. My husband is still in the CH.
I should have had help with respite then l would have been able to cope with him.
Try to get regular respite it will give you more strength to look after him.
He will not settle it takes a long time, but it will give you a muc h needed break.

Think of yourself and take care.

Thanks Pamann. I've read your posts and that you had a breakdown, I felt very close to that last Monday when I couldn't find my husband in the rain. I knew I needed a break but when I ring the home they say he's not settling and now he's wandering during the night, something he rarely did as he was usually a good sleeper.

My husband is scheduled to see his mental health doctor on Wednesday at the clinic but I know if I take him out I probably won't get him back into the home. I've rung the doctor's secretary to see if he could find the time to visit the home as they would like to discuss the medication as the CH staff fele it needs adjusting. Just have to wait for a call from the Secretary to see whether the doctor can get to the home this week. Fingers crossed. The Home recommended not visiting for a few days, which I haven't but I feel as if I have abandoned him.

Just heard from the CH that they are transferring him to their sister home who should be able to deal with him better. The CH he went into last week took him as it was an emergency but they've said all along that they aren't the right place. So that means David becoming more unsettled by being moved.