Eol

[stevew]

My MIL 87 AD Severe since 2010, has carers 24/7 in own home. Best interests. MIL is already non weight bearing and now cared in bed. OT provided Hoist and hi low bed.
GP records now at EOL. MIL in lucid moments these past few days has said she wants to die. She is already prescribed morphine for pain and diazepam as required for agitation. The GP will conduct a Med review tomorrow. The difficulty is with MIL saying these things and with MIL on the lowest strength of the above meds, I accept the GP may increase the strength of the above meds to help keep comfortable, but as these are respiratory depressants and MIL suffers asthma, and on an inhaler when required, any increase may effect breathing. This is of course a matter for the HP. The hurt is since original diagnosis in 2003 of dementia and this long journey, how to try and cope and be strong for her. Also not helped by my FIL in a nursing home with similar diagnosis.

 

[Shedrech]

hello stevew
your family is going through such a tough time

I'd say voice all the concerns you have to the GP so you can discuss everything openly - if you think you may forget anything, copy out this post or make a set of notes of anything that is on your mind - if you aren't able to see the GP email it to them

I appreciate your need to 'be strong' as you have so much to deal with - just allow yourself to feel too - I guess this is one journey we know will end, and in some ways we want it to end the distress of dementia, peacefully; we still don't want to lose our parents, saying goodbye to them is hard
maybe take some time to say to your mum all those things we tend to hold back because we want to believe there will always be more time; she may well understand the tone of your voice if not the words themselves

I hope you have someone with you
there's always support here at TP

best wishes to you all

 

[canary]

Hello Steve. Has anyone talked to you about End Of Life?

When someone with dementia reaches End of Life the body is slowly shutting down and this process can take a couple of weeks, or more. During this period morphine and diazepam are routinely given to prevent pain while they are passing away. I am assuming that this is the stage that your MIL has reached and I am so sorry. TBH I do not think, under the circumstances, that you need worry about the effect of morphine on the respiration - the important thing is that she is pain free.

I think that your MIL is recognising what is happening and I think it is quite likely that she is asking for your permission to pass away, many people try and hang on until they know that it is OK to go.

This is a very difficult time and not easy to stay strong - especially as your FIL is also in a nursing home and you must feel that you are divided.
(((((hugs)))))

 

[stevew]

Hi and thank you so much for your kind reply. Your comments make such sense and I will discuss matters further with the GP tomorrow.