I am caring for my partner who has been recently diagnosed with Dementia with Lewy Bodies after two years with a diagnosis of Mixed Alzeimers/vascular dementia. I am finding the mistrust very difficult to handle. After forty years of a trusting and loving relationship, he now (from time to time) accuses me of "plotting", "conniving" and suggests he needs to consult a solicitor or one of the children. I have made a point from the start of always being open and never discussing things behind his back and always running things regarding our lives past him first. (Even though he forgets or does not take it in) He occasionally shows a flash of recognition that we have discussed the matter so I always hope it will be better to have tried to make what I am thinking/doing clear. Quite often now, a curtain comes down and he stares at me (uncomfortably) and then the accusation is made! It sometimes takes my breath away as it is so outrageous Is it usual for this type of suspicion and paranoia to be directed at the primary carer only? He does not appear to behave in the same way to other people who have contact with him.
Dementia with Lewy Bodies
- Thread starter KatieMc208
- Start date
Hi Katie x My dad displays similar behaviour towards me, I was his primary carer for the best part of three and half years and now he is a nursing home. He is very suspicious and mistrusting of everyone, sometimes he is so rude to the carers I want to die of embaressment.
He is the most spiteful towards me though, he called me a slapper the other week !
and began to tell anyone who would listen what a slut my mum (who is no longer with us), was when she was younger, of course it's all nonsense but very hurtful just the same. I am slowly getting used to it, but find it very hard not to hate him in that moment.
It's just something I am going to have to learn to live with because he isn't going to get better
I hope it doesn't upset you too much and are coping looking after your husband x
He is the most spiteful towards me though, he called me a slapper the other week !
and began to tell anyone who would listen what a slut my mum (who is no longer with us), was when she was younger, of course it's all nonsense but very hurtful just the same. I am slowly getting used to it, but find it very hard not to hate him in that moment. It's just something I am going to have to learn to live with because he isn't going to get better
I hope it doesn't upset you too much and are coping looking after your husband x
I guess I dont cope with it well and tend to react dependin on what i am supposed to have done.. I always know when something is going to start because of that 'curtain' i mentioned comes down, all expession (even the normal anxious look, disappears and I see the blank empty stare which can go on for ages before the accusation or nastiness comes out. He really never seems to do it with anyone else which is upsetting even though i too would not like it if he were accusing others either. I have not got used to it but am working on it. My husband is still at home and i am the carer so it is 24/7. I do try to take him.out every day but he has poor mobility and it is getting harder to motivate him for outings.
Hello. My Mum has LBD. She used to have delusions and nothing would shift them. It was one of the hardest aspects of this disease to deal with. We wasted a lot of time trying to reason with her and explain rationally why whatever it was she believed wasn't true - we eventually realised that reasoning with her was pointless. I don't really have an answer to this - it is so hard. I suppose in the end we just tried to reassure her rather than contradict her. Best wishes. Helen
Thank you, Helen. I guess I will slowly find it easier to agree and reassure. You are right it is hard to nod and agree with some of the outrageous things I am accused of. Thing is ,it never happens when anyone else is around nor do other people get accusations made. It almost feels he knows what he is doing, though I dont really think he is capable of selecting the particular time when noone else is around as he often thinks there are a number of people in the house any way. That is another feature of the delusion and hallucination he experiences. Thanks any way.
We tried not to agree with the delusions but still tried to reassure her, if that makes sense? Mum also thought there were other people in the house which was a problem at mealtimes when I didn't prepare enough meals for them! In the end I just used to reassure her by saying I had made extra and there would be plenty for everyone
Thank you. Tonight he is not able to remember my name. First time ever. What will be will be, but i dont like it. All of me wants to fight it, even three years on!
Hello Katie, oh how l know what you are going through, l used to get so upset when my husband accuesd me of having an affair with our youngest Son l was so distraught, our son would always greet me with a hug and a kiss.
Then as his Alzheimers advanced he didn't know who l was, as time goes on its something that you just get use to. I learnt to always agree with him, as trying to explain he was wrong just does' t work. Now he is in a CH he knows who l am most of the time, although he has got worse, he seems alot easier.
Try to accept that it is the disease, and not you partner. Take care of yourself
Then as his Alzheimers advanced he didn't know who l was, as time goes on its something that you just get use to. I learnt to always agree with him, as trying to explain he was wrong just does' t work. Now he is in a CH he knows who l am most of the time, although he has got worse, he seems alot easier.
Try to accept that it is the disease, and not you partner. Take care of yourself
