What would you do? Dealing with anger

[HarrietD]

I'm caring for my mum at home, and she is getting increasingly agitated and frustrated. I'm finding it upsetting and draining to deal with. What can I do to help her feel calmer?

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Do you have any tips on how to support a person with dementia if they become angry or frustrated?

We're including more real life experiences of dementia in our Living with Dementia magazine and we'd love to hear from you.

Please add your comments below, and we may feature them in the next issue of the magazine.

This thread will be closed on Monday 9 January.

Thanks everyone

 

[Casbow]

I am not sure that I am very good at dealing with it. Most of my husbands anger is about personal care (which includes getting out of bed)and taking him out when it is not the right time. (This is difficult as he changes moods so quickly.) I usually walk away and wait 5 minutes before i go back and try again. Sometimes this works in a couple of efforts other times it can take 2 hours. I try to tell myself that it isn't really him being so nasty, but it can be so difficult keeping calm. Some days I think I hate him. But then I know once it is all over that I still love him and when he is not nasty he is childlike and sometimes funny. (In a nice way.) Going into a shop can be very difficult. In a bad mood he will not even get out of the car. In a good mood he goes up to old ladies (older than me!!!) to give them a hug and thinks he knows them. I have to apologise and try to keep him away from them. At the moment he is talking to someone (there's no one there) and laughing and seems happy in his own world. What can I say but take it one day at a time. Everyday is different. I love him and I hate the man that dementia has ruined.x

 

[Chocolateear]

***​

Do you have any tips on how to support a person with dementia if they become angry or frustrated?

We're including more real life experiences of dementia in our Living with Dementia magazine and we'd love to hear from you.

Please add your comments below, and we may feature them in the next issue of the magazine.

This thread will be closed on Monday 9 January.

Thanks everyone

I have several strategies. If I can't get him to listen by talking quietly to him and stroking his hand, then I try to distract him with something else. If he doesn't want to be distracted then I remove myself by either just going outside briefly or into another room. Being out of sight usually works as if he has to come and find me he usually forgets the root of the aggression and is pleased to see me. We have been going out for walks everyday which seems to have curbed the aggression at the moment. It means housework doesn't get done, but it's worth it. We even put our waterproofs on and walk in the rain. Very exhilarating!

 

[HarrietD]

Thanks very much Casbow and Chocolateear for sharing your experiences. Really helpful

If anyone has any comments they'd like to add, this thread will close at 5pm today.