Had enough today.

[Essie]

Read here but don't post but wanted to send you a big, big hug Lavender - please try not to feel guilty - I know that's easy to say and incredibly hard to do but don't be hard on yourself. You've done so much for your Mum and this too is doing the best for her - as you say the 'home' she wants to go to is a point in time long gone not back to yours.

Everything you've said is correct, another incident is guaranteed if Mum came back 'home' - professional care is what she needs and you are entitled to a life - now the pair of you can have whats best for both of you.

Ignore your bloomin' sister! Silly........sister!

 

[Lavender45]

Thank you Essie. X

 

[jorgieporgie]

Morning Molly and everyone else. Im not to bad going mad with headaches again but can not get in gps until next week. Living on pain killers and been sleeping a lot. Up and about today going for a drive just to get out.
Hope your mum is ok.
Lavender thinking of you x
Harry d hope your ok today and worrier
Xx

 

[MollyD]

Lavender, your sister's comments are utterly insensitive and mindless. My SIL was a dab hand at this too. I don't know what the motivation is, maybe it just makes them feel better about themselves.

I'm so pleased you finally have the support from SS that you so badly needed for so long.

Guilt is part and parcel of it, I'm afraid, I've the full tuxedo. It's very hard and will be emotional, but the relief you feel speaks volumes. I, like you, had intended bringing mum back home after hospital. As things unfolded there, I knew I just couldn't at the 11th hour. Everyone there then came out of the woodwork to support me, told me how they wondered how I'd coped to that point. None of this was mentioned beforehand, maybe they felt they'd be going against my wishes. Upshot, mum is doing ok and so am I.

None of it is easy, but the risk of violence was increasing for you (and for your mum). That TV show was a timely reminder for you. You're a fantastic daughter who is doing everything in her power to help your mum with this dreadful disease.

Sending you a huge hug of support.

X

 

[MollyD]

Ah, jorgie. Is it the pressure in your eyes again? I hope you get treatment soon, those bad headaches are just so wearing.

Hope your drive out eases things somewhat.

Warm hug x

 

[HillyBilly]

Hi all. Had no internet since Monday so only just catching up.

Lavender - hugs x and everyone else of course.

 

[Lorna44]

Lavender, just wanted to give you a big squishy hug too, you have done everything you can to keep your mum at home and I really admire your strength. Look after yourself now and don't feel guilty. Lorna xx

Sent from my SM-G930F using Talking Point mobile app

 

[Marnie63]

Took my first pill today ...

Lavender - I'm kind of relieved to read your update. It sounds like the best solution, for now. Good that the people looking after your mum in the hospital seem to have the sense to recommend this (I guess their experience of the agitation helped). I wish you all the best and really hope it works out the right way for you, and for your mum. To me that incident with the hammer was the 'crisis point' that so many people on this forum write about - the point at which something has to change dramatically.

I took my first Diazepam this evening. It doesn't seem to have done much to relax me though, as the GP promised! He prescribed 5mg but I halved it - I'm that nervous of taking such things! I feel like I've just turned down a different road myself with all of this. As I predicted, the reason mum was so relaxed over Christmas and New Year was because we had a much reduced number of carer visits and she was mostly with .... me! Today I was out for three hours only and came back to mum running amok upstairs, with the carer terrified that mum was going to fall. She was shouting at the carer too when I came in the door. We're back to where we were. Then when the carer went home mum kept following me everywhere and repeating stuff ... on and on and on and on and ... well, you get the picture! I had a massive meltdown and decided I had to take a pill, otherwise a murder could have been committed. Her confusion is getting worse all the time, it's very hard to live with as she can't process anything - she keeps asking me where she should sit, what she should do etc. She obviously can't think through any of that for herself any more. I might have to resort back to the Risperidone again. Either that, or chase up the care home ..... Feeling very down .....

 

[Marnie63]

I've also switched all my phones off. I just don't have the energy to talk to people any more. Most people are OK, but some just drain me, they have absolutely no idea what I'm going through, and I'm sick of their stupid comments.

Hope I feel a bit better tomorrow. Then it's a whole weekend cooped up with mum again ....

 

[Harrys daughter]

Ow marnie hugs 4 you this illness is just soul distroying everyone is different yet the bottom line is the carer carrys the burden of it all with little or no suport
Molly you have been through all the pain and fear lavander is having so you can relate to it but lavander the hammer has to be the last resort to much risk and your poor mum needs extra suport so boot that guilt monster in the ribs
hi Hillybilly and lorna and essie
Worrier hows that nasty cold and is your dad sleeping ok
Jp my fellow orphan it's not easy is it I don't have any advice as all I feel like doing is hiding under my quilt the grief is so consuming
Today was spent filling in job aplications grrrrrrr at 58 im looking for work iv never had a cv im unable to do this as being dyslexic makes this so difficult im angry at my stupid thick brain I found a perfect job as a sewing machinest at a big car factory I'd love this job as 100s of yrs ago I worked at jaguar cars doing this I loved it but thay need a cv life's rubbish

Sent from my SM-G900F using Talking Point mobile app

 

[lesley1958]

Marnie know exactly what you mean about not having the energy to talk to people any more. I feel exactly the same. Find it so hard to keep communicating, thinking of normal everyday things to talk about when all I can think about is what Dad's dementia is doing to us all.

And the comments - oh yes, the comments! "Why don't you....", "Have you tried....", or my favourite, "You must get him to.....". I know they are meant well, but - arrrggghhh!

 

[jorgieporgie]

Morning everyone. Marnie we know how you feel its just terrible for the carer our health snd mental state suffers so much even after the caring as finished trust me.
I ended up on anti depressants to and find it hard to come off just yet.
You try and look after yourself.
Harryd that just sums it up I do feel like an orphan I seem to want to be a sleep all the time then dont have to think about anything hste waking up. Go for drives and looking around shops but nothing feels right dont know what my role is anymore.
I think I have struggled this week as grandchildren away on holiday so not even seeing them.
Lavender you know I am with you x
Molly got appointment at hospital on the 16th these headaches are horrendous and the drops for my eyes are irrating them.
Hillybilly glad your ok and back on.
Rosy hows things at your end calm I hope.
Worrier how are yoi and your dad doing x
Hope you all have a peaceful weekend
Xx

 

[jorgieporgie]

Harryd forgot to say job centre will do your Cv for you.
Im the same 57 and looking for work again its so frightening as everything as changed.
xx

 

[smartieplum]

And the comments - oh yes, the comments! "Why don't you....", "Have you tried....", or my favourite, "You must get him to.....". I know they are meant well, but - arrrggghhh!

My favourite is, "what are you going to do about it?". Yeah, just wave my magic wand....

Sent from my SM-G920F using Talking Point mobile app

 

[Lavender45]

The one I like best is "well I never see anything like that" said by little sis about mum's behaviour. The number of times I've longed to answer back well you won't, you're hardly ever here, but I've never said it as it would have just given her a reason to visit mum even less. X

 

[WORRIER123]

Quick message as at work
CVs ugh yes I'd hate job hunting again
Dad - same old. Moody. Waking. I even did nighttime and day time signs with moon and stars. Did it work no ! He said what's night time
He locked me out and the carer on Wednesday
Cold getting better
Desperate for a holiday
Same s*** different day
Xx

 

[smartieplum]

The one I like best is "well I never see anything like that" said by little sis about mum's behaviour. The number of times I've longed to answer back well you won't, you're hardly ever here, but I've never said it as it would have just given her a reason to visit mum even less. X

Yes. Yes. Yes.[emoji4]

Sent from my SM-G920F using Talking Point mobile app

 

[Lavender45]

Mum was in a really bad mood when I visited this afternoon. She was in a loop going through how much she hated the place and how she would never have gone there had she known it was this bad and she certainly wasn't ever going to be returning there again, no way, she was going home. I think she thought she was in a hotel.

There was a head injury assessment form left on mum's bed and when I had a look it said mum had had a fall unseen by the staff this morning, though had no injuries as a result. I asked the nursing staff and they told me that mum had been very aggresive last night, she had packed everything she could to go home and whilst being prevented from leaving she had nearly broken the wrist of a nursing assistant. Mum was given lorazapam and it did calm her, but they think it left her woozy this morning resulting in the fall. As a result of last night a DOLS has been put in place.

I feel really bad that mum had injured someone, the wrist wasn't broken, but must have hurt. The nurse I spoke to said mum is a very strong woman. This is something I know only too well to my cost at times. I am strong myself, but mum is a match for me when she's having one of her bad episodes.

I have no objection to the DOLS, it's sad but necessary. The aggressiveness is horrible, but I never could distract mum when she was "in one" I cannot blame tho staff for failing there too, I don't even blame tho for the fall, I'm pragmatic enough to realise these things happen, but I did say I wasn't happy that they delayed telling me. They have my contact details and I made it plain I expect to be kept in the loop.

 

[Marnie63]

Marnie know exactly what you mean about not having the energy to talk to people any more. I feel exactly the same. Find it so hard to keep communicating, thinking of normal everyday things to talk about when all I can think about is what Dad's dementia is doing to us all.

And the comments - oh yes, the comments! "Why don't you....", "Have you tried....", or my favourite, "You must get him to.....". I know they are meant well, but - arrrggghhh!

Just recently I spoke to a friend on the phone (who also knows my mum quite well). I told her how things have been, how mum is, etc. She wanted to check my phone numbers, so gave her the mobile no. then she asked for the land line - I told her I didn't use it at all but she said "that's OK, I'll call your mum for a chat some time" I then had to explain that this wasn't possible any more. So, back to wearing myself out even further by having to explain this! Phones are staying off and good/trusted/supportive friends know this and how to get hold of me. I don't mean to be rude about this family friend, I was very ignorant about all of this a good while ago, but ....

Mum has been a changed woman today. Came back from my few hours at work and she had been chatting with the carer, so different from yesterday. According to the carer, mum had made a lot of sense today. I gave her .5 of Risperidone last night and Lorazepam last night and this morning too. I think I have to do this when the carers are here for any length of time, at least she will be 'happier'/calmer.

Does anyone know if it's possible to get a smaller dose of Risperidone than .5mg? I'm going to continue with it at night, but without the Lorazepam (until next carer visit!), and then visit the GP again.

She's watching 'Yanks' with me now on TV - understanding most of it, not scared at all. So weird.

 

[rosy18]

Hi all you lovely people not been on TP for a few nights had paperwork to do and once I get on TP I can't come off it's very addictive plus having a phase with Mum of thinking night is day she is sleeping a lot more in the daytime now is falling asleep around 2.30 pm dosing most of afternoon going to bed at 7pm then waking at around 9pm wanting to get up and asking me to help her get washed and dressed.I've just ordered some things on line to try and keep her occupied in the afternoon so hoping they work.Mum always loved and wanted to go and look round the shops most days but recently has no desire to do this whatsoever and has no interest in tv can't follow storyline plus most are too noisy and violent that they frighten her, so difficult to occupy time at present it's just long gibberish conversations plus singing for the brain mon mornings, wish that was on every day.

Marnie and lesley1958 know exactly what you mean about the telephone.I can't speak to anyone for longer than a couple of mins in the daytime as Mum gets annoyed with me gets her coat on and says she's leaving so I just don't use the phone if I can help it and I'm usually too exhausted to speak to anyone at night so phones are always on silent.

Jorgie and Harry'D I feel for you both I really do xx

Mollyd hoping all is well with you and your lovely Mum xx

Worrier do hope you're feeling better feeling poorly and caring don't mix xx

HillyBilly and Smartieplum hope all is calm for you both xx

Lavender ((hugs))xx

Hoping it's a peaceful weekend for you all xxxx