My Mum was recently diagnosed with mixed Alzheimer's/vascular dementia and has started with medication - it will be sometime before we know how well it is working. Currently Mum is living independently in a lovely retirement bungalow - not sheltered accommodation. I am her only child and live over 200 miles away. At the moment I ring twice a day and am visiting every fortnight - but we have had to cope with a few crises when Mum has been more confused than usual or has done the usual hiding/losing keys etc.She also has a daily visit from carers who help her with domestic issues - and she has been very happy with the carers. Some of the extended family live locally and have been very helpful but ultimately responsibility rests with me. I know that usually the aim is to keep people in familiar surroundings but as she has only lived in the bungalow for 18 months and has struggled to settle - probably an early indication of her condition - I am thinking about options for moving Mum nearer to me. She does have some family and social life at home but not as extensive as it used to be (she is now 80 and her best friend of 78+ years died this summer) and she seems comfortable down here when she visits. One big problem is that she lives in a much cheaper area than we do. I wonder how I even begin to go about making the decision - we are currently in the midst of sorting out POA and also applying for attendance allowance. Any thoughts, comments or advice?
New diagnosis - to move or not
- Thread starter SKD
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As you will see from other threads on TP moving a PWD can cause them an awful lot of confusion and distress. So it's worth taking that into account.
We moved my M-in-L from Norwich to North Wales to live with us three years ago. She had a reduced social life before she came but to hear her talk you would think that she had hoards of friends there; wheras she sees more people now she lives with us but it doesn't satisfy her. She too always seemed settled when she came to stay.
Clearly, every person is an individual with different coping mechanisms and your mother may adapt well but I thought it worth your knowing our experience.
I do hope that you manage to come up with a solution but I'm afraid that dementia rarely results in happy outcomes, if ever.
All the best.
We moved my M-in-L from Norwich to North Wales to live with us three years ago. She had a reduced social life before she came but to hear her talk you would think that she had hoards of friends there; wheras she sees more people now she lives with us but it doesn't satisfy her. She too always seemed settled when she came to stay.
Clearly, every person is an individual with different coping mechanisms and your mother may adapt well but I thought it worth your knowing our experience.
I do hope that you manage to come up with a solution but I'm afraid that dementia rarely results in happy outcomes, if ever.
All the best.
We moved to a bungalow when OH got first diagnosed, now 6 years ago . Whilst the move itself was stressful , he settled really well and not having to negotiate stairs was a blessing. Everyone is different but OH adapted really well .
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Move, but expect settling to take time
we moved Dad to live with us - initially he was opposed - but now living in a busy suburb he is much better off than he would have been in a tiny village.
He has not made friends but he has made acquaintances who are very kind to him.
We shop on a local high street and all the shopkeepers know him and speak to him. It is impossible towalk down the street without people saying hello and that is a boost to morale.
He can make one unaccompanied journey but it took him six months to learn it - even though he had visited the area for 20 years previously.
we moved Dad to live with us - initially he was opposed - but now living in a busy suburb he is much better off than he would have been in a tiny village.
He has not made friends but he has made acquaintances who are very kind to him.
We shop on a local high street and all the shopkeepers know him and speak to him. It is impossible towalk down the street without people saying hello and that is a boost to morale.
He can make one unaccompanied journey but it took him six months to learn it - even though he had visited the area for 20 years previously.
I moved my mum from where she was - a town just outside N London to be near me.
The big disadvantage was that she did have a lot of support at church and they would have provided some support if she had stayed down there. However her house was not habitable, and so she needed to move somewhere and had to stay with me in the meantime (I saw her regularly but she always visited me, her house had always been untidy so I hadn't realised).
Whilst looking for somewhere, I realised that in order to manage things she needed to be near me, I could only manage at most one visit a month down to her, and that wouldn't have been enough.
I moved my mum into an extra care complex - she needed this level of support as a minimum, and she has thrived on it.
I entirely get your costs issue, my mum's dilapidated 3 bed semi sold for over £300k whereas a property in that condition near to me would fetch under £100k and care homes here are much much cheaper as well when mum gets to that stage (I am in Ellesmere Port).
If she is happy with carers, maybe add extra visits in sooner rather than later as things will only deteriorate.
Ultimately I would have struggled when issues arose with mum 200 miles away and know I would have moved her fairly quickly if I had originally found somewhere for her in her home town. I did initially look for somewhere in her home town on the internet. Even when she was staying with me it was difficult to fully appreciate the level at which she was now functioning and within months of moving into her flat would no longer have managed in shops but if in home town would have tried to go out, and I would have had another crisis.
The big disadvantage was that she did have a lot of support at church and they would have provided some support if she had stayed down there. However her house was not habitable, and so she needed to move somewhere and had to stay with me in the meantime (I saw her regularly but she always visited me, her house had always been untidy so I hadn't realised).
Whilst looking for somewhere, I realised that in order to manage things she needed to be near me, I could only manage at most one visit a month down to her, and that wouldn't have been enough.
I moved my mum into an extra care complex - she needed this level of support as a minimum, and she has thrived on it.
I entirely get your costs issue, my mum's dilapidated 3 bed semi sold for over £300k whereas a property in that condition near to me would fetch under £100k and care homes here are much much cheaper as well when mum gets to that stage (I am in Ellesmere Port).
If she is happy with carers, maybe add extra visits in sooner rather than later as things will only deteriorate.
Ultimately I would have struggled when issues arose with mum 200 miles away and know I would have moved her fairly quickly if I had originally found somewhere for her in her home town. I did initially look for somewhere in her home town on the internet. Even when she was staying with me it was difficult to fully appreciate the level at which she was now functioning and within months of moving into her flat would no longer have managed in shops but if in home town would have tried to go out, and I would have had another crisis.
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