Hi Everyone
I have been on this forum for about 1.5 years now, my mum died last year and as a result of this (together 59 years) my dad developed Alzheimers, he was formally diagnosed in January this year. I have a sneaky suspicion it was before this time, however I was not that involved with his life up until last year.
I have admiration for all the people of here that have been doing this for years, and I am shocked how this terrible illness takes hold of someone.
My dad has been through some tough hurdles since mum died, he lost this driving license in Dec 2015 and cannot accept this, its a daily battle
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I have learnt as I have gone along how he is treated by other people, he is pretty argumentative, and wont be told what to do, convinced he is perfectly fine, convinced he can drive, and "will" be buying another car.
I got my dad moved into Somerset in August last year to give him support. I feel sorry for him as he has lost everything, his wife, his life, his lovely home in Devon by the sea side, and now he just exists...... I dont know how long he will carry on.
He is a lot worse that people realise, he was tested at the memory clinic in Jan this year and he scored 39 out of 100 and he has severe alzheimers.
He tells everyone he is fine..... but he is not fine at all...... on the outside they think he is ok..... he is not ok......
He is not washing, or washing his hair, he survives by eating out all the time, he has got into all sorts of messes and gets barred from shops, cafes etc all the time as he argues with people as he thinks he is fine.......
I am like his mop up crew, I ring around these places and advise them of his illness, he does not know any of this, as he thinks he's fine...
I now have his house Manager advising me that there have been complaints because he is too touchy feely (he's a tactile person) and likes to tap your shoulder, arm etc when he says hello..... but this makes residents uncomfortable, however he thinks he fine....everyone else is mad and not him
I have power of attorney for his finances (forced the issue last year as he bought 5 cars in a matter of weeks and lost 17,000 pounds in the process) Garage kept selling him cars every two weeks..... then he lost his license last dec but did not understand the DVLA letter and carried on driving for 3 weeks as he did not understand, until he handed this letter to the garage to buy another car
I will use this post to do updates and it will help me, and I thank you all for everything that you write on this forum as it has helped me sooo much!!!
I worry about the future, I worry about how he is treated by others, I worry about how he is perceived by others..... my dad is an ex soldier, ex prison officer and has had quite a past, and he tells everyone about his past (where as before this was private) and everyone does not believe him and thinks he is barking mad...... he still wears his prison officer badge on his shirts (poor him) as he is clinging on to any dignity he has left..... but everyone thinks he is a bad person for this, and that he is nuts! its makes me so defensive......
He tells everyone about his money, his past etc, they all think he is mad, I find it so frustrating as everything he tells them is true, and it upsets me that he is just overlooked as he comes across so bad to people now. I give him guidance all the time, but he tells me he is fine, and its everyone else that is mad, liars, bunch of idiots etc
He has good days and bad days, his long term memory is going, his short term memory is all over the place, some stuff he remembers well, other stuff is gone in seconds.....
It has helped me get this off my chest, its been so tough, I loved my mum so much and miss her so much.. I am left with the remnants of my dad now. What a cruel disease.
He was also a driving instructor, so losing the car was the last resort for him, and he cannot accept this. I took him to a GP 3 weeks ago, so they could explain to him again! but he wont accept this at all and its a daily argument.
I am his kicking post, he argues with me all the time, I have tried everything and nothing works, have denied, agreed, told him to do it, talk to police etc, nothing works, he wont let it go!
I managed to wash his hair last week, my first step to hygiene with him as he said he is fine!! it was 15 months since it was washed!! I bought the no water shampoo.
I have now managed to get him to agree with me washing his clothes at last!
His bed had no sheet on the mattress, he could not make the bed, change the sheets and would not let me help... I have learnt over the last 15 months now to just do it, I don't ask anymore I tell him it will be done! so bed is now sorted, clothes getting sorted, hair sorted, but he smells sooo bad, I got him some deodrant, wipes etc. But going to buy more, body wipes etc as he is not washing (he is fine he tells me) but he is not.
His occupational health therapist said the only way he is going to go is be sectioned as he wont accept help at all, I can handle him as I am his daughter and can just do it...
I have found so far that knowing which way to turn, what to do, my head spins with what next, whats happened now. He gets the police called to him, he has been reported a few times for his aggression and arguing. He thinks its everyone else, not him, he is fine.
sorry to get some of this off my chest... and thanks to any of you if you read this post, or comment, it would be much appreciated.
Angie
