Need for more help

[Trisha4]

I now accept that I need to put a support package in place to help me continue to look after my husband at home. He was 70 this year and is still physically fit. However his condition with Alzheimer's has deteriorated. He cannot be left alone at all and likes me to be constantly in sight so I am followed everywhere. He experiences mood swings and can be quite challenging in his behaviour at times. All around me are telling me I must accept that I need help so I guess I may be showing more signs of stress or something than I think.
So, to my turning to TP for the thoughts and suggestions of others experiencing similar. My Alzheimers society link person has suggested I employ a personal assistant to help me care for Mick. I think it's more of a carer / companion role for my husband, Mick. He was attending a day care centre one day a week but hated it so stopped. I have found a care home that offers day care and he has been once. It seemed successful but he says he doesn't want to return. I think if someone other than me took him it might be better.
So I think I'm looking for someone who could drive him places, accompany him on walks or look after him at home to give me breaks possibly moving to helping him shower and dress some mornings or put him to bed some evenings.
Does anyone have this kind of arrangement or thoughts on the pros and cons or other suggestions? We would be self funding.


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[irismary]

Hi Trisha. No experience to share but I am in a similar position of thinking of what other support I need. My husband follows me everywhere and when I am not well its a nightmare - it has been over Christmas. He does go to day care two days and seems ok with it at the moment fingers crossed but as his Alzheimer's gets worse it just gets harder. I know I can get an assessment but not sure carers to get him up are the answer. So tiring and I too have realised just how stressed I am.

 

[Trisha4]

Hi irismary. We can recognise that we need additional support but it is much more difficult to identify exactly what form would be most helpful. If only Mick would accept the day care it would provide some respite for me. Let's see what other suggestions we get and keep talking on TP. x


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[Beate]

Have you enquired about a sitting/befriending service yet? Here Age UK provide it, and the sitters can take people out for walks or just spend time with them at home, with the odd personal care thrown in. I'm not certain about the showering, but you could get paid carers for that. They can also give medication, which sitters can't.

 

[Trisha4]

Our local authority provides a sitting service which is one sit a fortnight and they cover the carer's medical appointments if there are any which is helpful.


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[Beate]

One sit a fortnight? How is that enough for anyone?
Have you asked about direct payments? You could employ some kind of companion yourself then.

 

[Trisha4]

I think that's going to have to be the answer Beate. As you say, with one sit a fortnight I can't join a weekly event like keep fit or anything.


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[Jennyc]

Dear Trisha, my husband was diagnosed with Alzheimer's 6 year's ago. I tried daycare and someone from Crossroads to take him out or sit with him 3 year's ago. He wouldn't tolerate either. Recently, 3 year's later and much further down the line, memory much worse, functioning much worse, my state of mind much worse, he now accepts (as of 8 weeks ago) day care one day a week and someone from Crossroads coming in for three hours one day a week. I recently had an assessment and it was felt - for my sanity, I would say - that he needs at least three days a week in daycare, which if it can be arranged, would be a life saver, and maybe some time away in respite. But the disease has had to be much more progressed for him to accept any kind of outside "interference", and even now he can still kick up a fuss. It is a very cruel disease which in many ways takes away the life of the carer as well as that of the PWD. I have found someone locally who will sit with him - she's trained etc, and very good and easy with him - for £10 an hour and though expensive, but not as expensive as the agencies who wanted from £22 to £25 an hour, this is wonderful from time to time. As yet I cope with all his personal care, it is time to myself that is most desperately needed. Good luck.

 

[Trisha4]

Hi Jenny. It sounds as if we're experiencing similar things. I have an appointment this afternoon at the out of hours hospital as it looks as if I might have a urine infection. I'll have to take Mick with me of course. You are right we have to put in some self preservation in order to continue to do the job we do. Thanks for the information about services and cost etc. That is really helpful and exactly what I was after. I hope things work out for you.


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