Worried about my Grandparents

leesor

Registered User
Dec 26, 2016
2
0
Hello all. I am new to this site and just wanted to say hi and ask for a bit of advice. My amazing grandparents are 92 and 89 and are living unaided in their own flat. They are mostly in good health. My grandad has been diagnosed with dementia which mainly presents as memory problems, but he can become very aggravated and angry, especially at my Nan. He can lose his temper and has been making threats to 'do himself in' if my Nan gets any help in. But they need help. my Nan is struggling to manage and is often very upset. He threw things across the room last week. He won't even entertain a cleaner r anything that could take the burden from my Nan or help him. So what I was wondering....any ideas or tips on how I could gently introduce the idea of 'other people' being involved? Without my Nan having to suffer the consequences. He will stop eating and drinking when he is aggravated. I just want the best for both of them. At the moment they are both unhappy which is saddening. Thank you and Merry Christmas.
 

Emac

Registered User
Mar 2, 2013
199
0
Hi Leesor Stubbornly refusing help is a common problem with old folks whether they have dementia or not! maybe the fear is of losing their freedom or choices? However they do need help. You don't mention their GP or Social Services? A social services carers assessmentfor your Nan would be a good place to start as she needs support. Perhaps your Grandad might be able to accept that more easily than him needing help? Your GP may also be a good source of information re what support is availabl
 

leesor

Registered User
Dec 26, 2016
2
0
Thanks EMac. he has had assessments and my Nan is his carer. And really he otherwise is well in himself. But my Nan is exhausted. She would love for some help with cleaning and dealing with being a carer but my Grandad refuses. He has said he will throw himself in the river. I guess it has really got to me as I am very close to them yet I dont live near them to be able to help, and my Nan was very quiet over Christmas and when she was about to go home she said "I've had a lovely Christmas, I haven't cried for two days".
I am going to try and find if there are any local groups and support as a starting point. And I will look into the carers assessment you mention, thank you.
 

Emac

Registered User
Mar 2, 2013
199
0
Thanks EMac. he has had assessments and my Nan is his carer. And really he otherwise is well in himself. But my Nan is exhausted. She would love for some help with cleaning and dealing with being a carer but my Grandad refuses. He has said he will throw himself in the river. I guess it has really got to me as I am very close to them yet I dont live near them to be able to help, and my Nan was very quiet over Christmas and when she was about to go home she said "I've had a lovely Christmas, I haven't cried for two days".
I am going to try and find if there are any local groups and support as a starting point. And I will look into the carers assessment you mention, thank you.


Hmmm! It sounds like your Nan really does need a carers assessment and support and your Grandad needs to be told firmly that she can't manage on her own and throwing himself in the river (which hopefully he does not mean???) wont help, or change anyone's mind. Sometimes you just have to go ahead gently but firmly regardless of the protests and the PWD does in fact accept the support. This was the case with my mum who was coerced into having a befriender and then daycare (which we called her club). Although she had to be coaxed initially she grew to enjoy both. Keep posting and let everyone know how you get on.
 

arielsmelody

Registered User
Jul 16, 2015
515
0
I agree that your Nan is vulnerable and needs help. Has anyone spoken to your Grandad's gp about his aggression - it might be that his medication needs to be looked at. Your Nan is elderly herself, and even a small amount of violence could potentially be very serious for her.

Some people have had success introducing help by going slowly and introducing the carer as a friend visiting for tea and a chat, and gradually building up. Or would he accept a 'nurse' who is overseeing medication/treatment?