No idea what to do next...

[Polarbear]

On the 6th of this month my dad, who has Vascular dementia and Alzheimers, became very challenging towards my mom (verbally) and my mom couldn't cope. To cut a long story short, and after trying to get help from everybody to no avail, the memory team decided to get their Rapid Response Team involved. The GP put dad on 3 days of antibiotics assuming that he may have a urine infection, (the GP didn't take a sample), and hoped that this was the reason for his increased confusion and agitation. Things calmed down a bit until the 10th when all hell broke loose and mom called me in the early hours of the morning, frightened, as dad was threatening to throw her out, smash the house to bits with a hammer etc. I went over again with my husband whom my dad seems to recognise more than the rest of us at these times. The RR team came out again a while later and dad had begun to be more lucid at that point. They called for a doctor who prescribed further antibiotics, Diazepam and something to help dad to go to the toilet as he is freqeuntly constipated and she gave dad a thorough check up, he did have a slightly raised temperature.
Things calmed down a bit, although dad has been more confused recently which I presume is the progression of his dementia, until this morning. Mom phoned me at 5.30am to say that dad didn't know who she was and he wanted her out of the house again. I went over with my husband and dad was obviously agitated. I took mom out of the house and dialled the GP Collaborative number that we had been told to phone and they said that they couldn't help and I had to phone 111. I phoned them and they told me that the out of hours doctor wouldn't come out, this was 6am and that I wouldn't really be able to get any help until 8am but they would pass it on to the doctor.. I ended up talking to a paramedic who said that they could send an ambulance but they would have to send the police as well which we wanted to avoid if possible. The on call doctor did call me but said that he couldn't come out because they hadn't enough staff. My last alternative was to call the Rapid Response Team who start work at 8am. They sent a guy over who said that he didn't really know what they could do today!!!! That was at 12pm. He went away leaving my mom non the wiser about anything and he said that he would see if he could do anything. Thats ok at the moment as my dad is currently communicating with my mom but she is worried about when he goes to sleep as its when he wakes up that the problems begin.
Im at a loss as to who to phone during the night or over Christmas when I can't get hold of anybody at all and the doctor won't come out.
If you've got this far, thanks for listening.

 

[Beate]

Please don't be afraid to get police involved next time. Their presence means things will proceed much quicker. Dad could be sectioned and a proper medication review held, and Social Services, who have a duty of care to vulnerable adults at risk, simply can't ignore this.

 

[Polarbear]

Please don't be afraid to get police involved next time. Their presence means things will proceed much quicker. Dad could be sectioned and a proper medication review held, and Social Services, who have a duty of care to vulnerable adults at risk, simply can't ignore this.

Thanks for replying Beate. What happens when you phone the police? I have visions of dad being carted off without his medication and nobody helping him to go to the toilet.

 

[Amy in the US]

I hope one of the UK residents will respond but no, the police won't haul him off to prison, and he certainly won't be deprived of care or medications.

Our system is different to yours, but the US version of sectioning was the best thing that could have happened for my mother. It was the only way to straighten out her medications, get her a diagnosis, and the medical care she needed. It was hard at first, but she received excellent care and it was really the best thing that could have happened.

It sounds like you are doing everything possible to support both your parents, get the right care for your dad, and keep your mum safe. Best wishes to you at this difficult time.

 

[Polarbear]

I hope one of the UK residents will respond but no, the police won't haul him off to prison, and he certainly won't be deprived of care or medications.

Our system is different to yours, but the US version of sectioning was the best thing that could have happened for my mother. It was the only way to straighten out her medications, get her a diagnosis, and the medical care she needed. It was hard at first, but she received excellent care and it was really the best thing that could have happened.

It sounds like you are doing everything possible to support both your parents, get the right care for your dad, and keep your mum safe. Best wishes to you at this difficult time.

Thanks Amy, that's reassuring, as we are knew to all of this I was imagining all sorts.

 

[Angie1996]

My dad was reported to the police several times this year, not by me, but by the public, every time they were informed, they reported him to our local memory clinic and social worker.

What a tough time your having x