This might sound a ridiculous thing to say, but I have had a very good day today.
I was so down yesterday evening, that I decided, late, to watch one of the DVDs of home videos, not having any idea what each one was, and it turned out to be Christmas 1990, when we had first borrowed the camera from the school where I was working.
We had the present opening and the meal recorded, and then after, I was persuaded to use one of my presents - a karaoke cassette! In The Old Days, you had backing tracks on the tape, and then the words printed, in very small writing, on a folded sheet. Well, I spent the time laughing till the tears ran down my face!
John (looking so handsome at 52!), singing, with me, Ob La Dee, Ob La Dah, and then him singing Yellow Submarine and You'll Never Walk Alone on his own, the kids singing Fame etc, and all of us murdering He Ain't Heavy, it was just hilarious, and I went to bed very late, but in high spirits.
Now I know it was uncanny that I "heard" the doorbell ring, at 6.30 in the morning when John died, and that turned out to be the exact time he had in fact died at the Care Home. Well, I'd arranged a food delivery for 7.30 - 8.30 today, so set my alarm for 7.20, figuring it was quite acceptable to be in my dressing gown.
But what time did I wake up? Exactly at half past 6. Too much of a coincidence. I had my hair done at 9, as usual, and when I went to pay, they'd bought me a huge bouquet of flowers - wasn't that kind? I arranged them when I got home, and then cut buds from John and my parents' rose bushes, to take to the Crem, with a bottle of water, a spoon for digging, and a little vase I'd made out of layers of foil.
I collected my granddaughter and when we got to the Crem, we had to wait for a parking space. It was absolutely packed, and some of the Christmas displays people had left were huge. But we agreed John would not have been impressed with being so ostentacious! And our little arrangement was full of meaning.
We had lunch out and when we returned home, my granddaughter did the housework, walked the dog, and changed the bed, and then we watched the Karaoke part of the DVD, and, like me, she had tears running down her face, laughing so much. I had so many nice texts and phone calls from friends today, and my son Skyped me twice from the USA, though poor Gloria has been admitted again to hospital, so I'm off to visit her tomorrow.
But my lonely Christmas isn't going to be lonely now, as I can play this DVD, and be surrounded by family and happy memories. And I have another 9 to watch. So that's 3 of the 5 days finished now, and as I said, it might sound odd, but I had a good day.
Many, many thanks for all your kind words and messages. xxx
