Thank you both
This is a very tough time for me now, I am on a knife's edge all the time, as soon as my phone rings I literally hit the ceiling, omg the waiting is terrible!!!
I went down yesterday and he was awake!! I mean proper awake, wide eyed, I nearly fell on the floor with shock, he has not looked that awake for weeks, I stayed for 2 hours and he never fell asleep once
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That was the positive part, the negative is he has lost his voice, did not speak one word, would not look at me, would not let me feed him, would not acknowledge at all
it was horrible, he just laid there, staring in front of him, everytime I asked him to look at me, he did then just turned away again, its was heart breaking.......... I do remember this with my mum last year, I believe this is where they distance themselves from everything?
He looked well in the face, but skin and bone, and his left hand and knuckles are turning purple now, his hands were like blocks of ice and I could not warm them up at all.
The carer in this nursing home is a feeder!! they had managed to get 200ml of fluid down him in the 24 hour period, and a little porridge, and a little cream. But boy they don't hold back, he was nodding no, but she just kept putting the spoon to his mouth. Not sure if I like this or not? felt a little peeved, but bravo her for her persistence.
So I left yesterday feeling happy as he was wide awake, but heartbroken as he could not mumble one word or look at me, it was like I was a complete stranger..... he looked so sad, he looked like he had really had enough, he looked down trodden. He looks so small.
Today I have just rang the nursing home, nurse said he is not so good today, gone down hill quite a bit, has not eaten or drank all day and has slept all day so far. They said his colour does not look great either. He is breathing ok at the moment, so they will call me if he continues to decline. I am going down tomorrow to see him, and my brother also going down tomorrow. I told the nurse you ring any time if you think he is going, just call whatever the hour.
This journey is up and down like a roller coaster!!! it literally varies day by day, on a knife's edge and thinking it he going to get better, is he going to last longer, or is he going to be gone tomorrow........ wow the stress is unbelievable for me, so god knows how he feels, I wish I could bring him home and make him smile........