how do i deal with this< mum is absolutey sure that husband is "doing sex with our 17 year old daughtetr . it happened earlier when i was 'out', - no - impossible, how the heck do i cope with this!
sex, daughter , accusations
- Thread starter Hair Twiddler
- Start date
You can try..'that is a horrible thing to think about, Mum. Leave it with me and i will make sure it doesn't happen again.' Or similar.
Respond to the feeling.(.maybe.....something terrible is happening, I am scared) ...with acknowledgement of the validity of the feeling, and reassurance that it will be sorted out.
And let other people know this has been said, in case it comes up again and causes problems.
What a rotten thing for you all.
Respond to the feeling.(.maybe.....something terrible is happening, I am scared) ...with acknowledgement of the validity of the feeling, and reassurance that it will be sorted out.
And let other people know this has been said, in case it comes up again and causes problems.
What a rotten thing for you all.
Thank you Pinkys for your reply. The tirade of five hours ago has now passed and mum is in bed, fast asleep for about two hours. I hate dementia and I hate the alcohol (see earlier posts) that she depends upon too. It's been a very low night this evening.
accusations
My hubby who has Lewy Body dementia was in a perfectly good mood a few week ago, then when my daughter arrived his mood changed and he told her I was a slag and that I was taking men upstairs (all false of course). She had to sit with him and reassure him I wasn't and it calmed down. Occasionally he asks where my boyfriend is and is he staying and I've come to accept that it's all part of the illness and not to get upset about it, but it's a shock when it first happens.
My hubby who has Lewy Body dementia was in a perfectly good mood a few week ago, then when my daughter arrived his mood changed and he told her I was a slag and that I was taking men upstairs (all false of course). She had to sit with him and reassure him I wasn't and it calmed down. Occasionally he asks where my boyfriend is and is he staying and I've come to accept that it's all part of the illness and not to get upset about it, but it's a shock when it first happens.
I'm sorry, but I would not be taking a gentle line with this. I would deny the accusations vehemently, each and every time this is mentioned.
Simply say "No Mum, this did not happen, it is your illness that is making you think this" and tell her that she will get into trouble with the authorities if she makes false accusations like this. Obviously, however you only need to refer to this at the time of the accusations, not later when she has forgotten what she said. Make sure that the whole family is warned that she is saying these things so that they too can refute them.
Simply say "No Mum, this did not happen, it is your illness that is making you think this" and tell her that she will get into trouble with the authorities if she makes false accusations like this. Obviously, however you only need to refer to this at the time of the accusations, not later when she has forgotten what she said. Make sure that the whole family is warned that she is saying these things so that they too can refute them.
I agree with cragmaid. Some things simply cannot be tolerated. Do your daughter and husband know about the accusations? I hope they're OK. Your daughter is very young to be faced with something like this. She needs protecting emotionally and to understand why your mum is saying these things.
She needs to know you're on her side.
Sent from my iPad using Talking Point
She needs to know you're on her side.
Sent from my iPad using Talking Point
I totally agree with Cragmaid. The emotional health of your daughter and OH, not to mention the risk of your mother repeating this accusation to someone un-clued-up about dementia's nastier confabulations, make this a line in the sand thing imo. Compassionate communication does not equate to agreeing with every slander.
I think the most important thing is that it stops. If she can respond to a firmer line, brilliant. If not, try the other way.
But agreed, tell people it is happening so they are prepared and do not go off pop!
But agreed, tell people it is happening so they are prepared and do not go off pop!
