Never thought I'd write this

[tryingmybest]

On Monday night after a day of Mum unusually being off colour all day, not wanting to eat or drink or get out of bed, which I put down to a cold virus I had previously, Mum fell off the toilet and managed to somehow topple into her head on the tiled floor. She was unconscious for a few minutes and violently sick and diarrhoea poured out of her. It was awful. She was really clammy and unwell and I phoned an ambulance and she was taken into hospital an hour away. For the last two days I have stayed with her and not gone home and am exhausted.

CT scans were clear but as of yesterday afternoon, Mum has become unrecognisable. They say she has an infection. I'm hoping it's just that and she will get better but I've had the worst afternoon and night of my life. She's changed beyond recognition and is extremely stressed, agitated and aggressive and has been absolutely awful with me. The ward she was in was horrendously noisy and manic and so I got her moved to a quieter one last night as I thought that was the problem. Last night I had to eventually ignore her in the hope she would burn herself out but she pulled off her identification bracelets and her iv line and was in such a state. I know she's somewhere different and she's scared but I never thought my Mum would display such behaviour! I was shell shocked.

I've always been so lucky over the past two years since she moved in with me. She's always been placid and happy, although can no longer do anything for herself so I do everything for her on my own but weve always been able to enjoy trips out, picnics, shows and lunches out and, although it's tough as I gave up my job to care for her full time and have really given up my whole life as it was before, I've always felt so blessed how easy Mum was in her dementia journey compared to many others.

Since her admission into hospital, she has become a monster and I'm so scared. I'm going to come home today for shower and some sleep as I will make myself ill and have a breakdown at this rate. I've always been so strong and such a fighter having gone through 3 Court of Protection hearings to fight to keep my Mum with me and now I'm so frightened things have massively changed in the last two days. I do hope I'm going to get my Mum back and it's not the start of a slippery slope. If she doesn't improve I can't see how she can come back home and us be as we were.

 

[bemused1]

Tmb I am so sorry to read this. You've been through so much and fought so hard for your mum I hope this is infection and that she does recover but firstly you must take care of yourself. You need to be strong and well to do whatever is needed for your mum.
You can never predict what happens next, I can only wish for an outcome that keeps your mum safe and you able to do whatever is needed for you both.
Look after yourself as well it is just as important.

 

[Margi29]

Hi TMB

So sorry to hear this about your mum, hopefully the hospital will be able to sort this infection out asap.

It's so hard when our loved ones are ill, please get some rest though, you could end up totally exhausted and no good for your mum.

Sending best wishes for a speedy recovery

 

[Toddleo]

Who is to say whether this change in behaviour is purely due to her infection - we all know that infections can play havoc with our loved ones. Or, potentially the change is due to her advancing condition? I know that you appreciate the time you have spent with her so far, and you sound like you have made many sacrifices for her - you have done her, and yourself proud.
You must be mindful of you own health and well being of course, be guided by experts, get extra assistance in if needs be, you will need some space and respite once this period begins to settle down. Who knows, you could get mum back as she was prior to the toilet fall?, and if it is the changed version of mum, then be guided by those who are there to advise you and take baby steps.

 

[canary]

(((hugs)))) TMB. It must be hard for you to see this.
Mum had pneumonia in January and was in hospital doing the same thing. She was completely away with the fairies, was fighting the nurses and kept pulling her cannula out. The staff did manage to keep the line in by taping up her hands with bandages like boxing gloves for a couple of days until the antibiotics kicked in.
The infection has progressed Mums dementia, but the aggression has gone again - it was just due to the infection. Wait until the infection is gone before you worry about whether you will be able to continue looking after her. Look after yourself in the meantime. You do not have to be with her 24/7 - the hospital will phone if she deteriorates. You need to sleep, eat and regain your own strength too.

 

[Beetroot]

This is awful for you TMB. It's a horrible thing to watch your mother go through. My gentle compliant mother was like that temporarily in hospital - thought she was being experimented on; didn't recognise me; refused to take the morphine she needed for pain as she thought she was going to be poisoned; told a nurse and me to expletive deleted off. Eventually, when she was better, she was back to herself again. As Canary says, you need to rest yourself.

 

[AlsoConfused]

Hugs. Being pitchforked suddenly into a crisis like this is exhausting and terrifying in itself. All that's normal life stops being so and it's a shattering experience to go through.

I hope so much your Mum soon starts to improve and to feel more comfortable and easier in her mind.

 

[Frecks]

So sorry to hear this...I'm new here and at early stages with my dad so not much advice for you, sorry!

Sending you some well wishes and hugs!

 

[sarahbee34]

So sorry

On Monday night after a day of Mum unusually being off colour all day, not wanting to eat or drink or get out of bed, which I put down to a cold virus I had previously, Mum fell off the toilet and managed to somehow topple into her head on the tiled floor. She was unconscious for a few minutes and violently sick and diarrhoea poured out of her. It was awful. She was really clammy and unwell and I phoned an ambulance and she was taken into hospital an hour away. For the last two days I have stayed with her and not gone home and am exhausted.

CT scans were clear but as of yesterday afternoon, Mum has become unrecognisable. They say she has an infection. I'm hoping it's just that and she will get better but I've had the worst afternoon and night of my life. She's changed beyond recognition and is extremely stressed, agitated and aggressive and has been absolutely awful with me. The ward she was in was horrendously noisy and manic and so I got her moved to a quieter one last night as I thought that was the problem. Last night I had to eventually ignore her in the hope she would burn herself out but she pulled off her identification bracelets and her iv line and was in such a state. I know she's somewhere different and she's scared but I never thought my Mum would display such behaviour! I was shell shocked.

I've always been so lucky over the past two years since she moved in with me. She's always been placid and happy, although can no longer do anything for herself so I do everything for her on my own but weve always been able to enjoy trips out, picnics, shows and lunches out and, although it's tough as I gave up my job to care for her full time and have really given up my whole life as it was before, I've always felt so blessed how easy Mum was in her dementia journey compared to many others.

Since her admission into hospital, she has become a monster and I'm so scared. I'm going to come home today for shower and some sleep as I will make myself ill and have a breakdown at this rate. I've always been so strong and such a fighter having gone through 3 Court of Protection hearings to fight to keep my Mum with me and now I'm so frightened things have massively changed in the last two days. I do hope I'm going to get my Mum back and it's not the start of a slippery slope. If she doesn't improve I can't see how she can come back home and us be as we were.

im so sorry for you,i genuinely feel your pain.xxx

 

[CeliaThePoet]

tryingmybest, it is very likely that your mum is suffering from delirium, which can be provoked by illness but is extremely common in the elderly with dementia when they are staying in a hospital environment. It often does calm down once the person is returned to their usual environment. Perhaps this will help: http://www.alz.org/norcal/in_my_community_17590.asp

Best wishes to you and your mum.

 

[looviloo]

Oh bless her, your poor mum... and you too, tmb. I feel for you, because I have a good idea of what you're going through. My dad had a bad fall 18 months ago and was hospitallized. He went from being moderately independent, a little forgetful with some mild confusion, to completely deluded, confusion off the scale, angry, having hallucinations... at one point he escaped the hospital in his pyjamas and was found on the main road trying to get home. It was awful. As CeliaThePoet says, this kind of delirium can happen in the hospital environment.

Dad was found to be dehydrated (but no UTI). He very slowly calmed down while on the ward, and we moved him to a temporary care home ('because the doctor said so') and from there to a long term care home. He's much, much better now and the good news is that the situation improved enormously. But it did take time. I hope you'll see some improvement in your mum as the days go by, and send you my very best wishes x

 

[bumblefeet]

So sorry to hear your news, it sounds like you've really been thrown in at the deep end.
Sending you hugs and love.

xx

 

[HillyBilly]

I hope you and your Mum have managed to have a better day today and that your Mum is responding to treatment. It must be so worrying for you. Huge hug and try to look after yourself x

 

[tryingmybest]

Update a week on

Thank you everyone for your replies. I am sorry not to have responded since last week but it's been manic.

After spending 3 days in the hospital by Mums bedside I finally gave in and went home for some much needed sleep, a shower and change of clothes. I left Mum much more settled and back to her normal self. However, when I went in the next morning she was covered in bruises and I was told by the nurse she had been found, face down on the floor, at 3 in the morning, having fallen out of a chair! Why the hell she wasn't in bed and how nobody noticed or how long she had been there I have no idea. Bless her heart she told me she was looking for me as she didnt know where I was. I was not happy about the situation and made it clear to the n7rse and later on, the doctor. However apart from the bruises Mum seemed fine.

Fast forward a few days and my visiting everyday, although bright enough in herself, I have become very concerned Mum isn't eating or drinking, nor being encouraged to do so. I've been taking little pots of Miller rice in for her which she has eaten and bottled water as well as orange juice and apple juice which she has had a little of.

Today on brushing her hair, I discovered a huge lump on top of her head. It wasn't there yesterday. She also had heightened levels of confusion whereas she had been back to her normal self. I asked to speak to a doctor who said she had some more falls at the weekend yet nobody had told me this, and theyre concerned that its her BP dropping when she gets up. Shes never had falls at home with me in the last 2 years!! I expressed concern at her care and asked if I could bring her home as I can't see its doing her any good there as they're really not looking after her properly. He said Ive got to wait until her heart trace results come back.

The way I'm feeling right now is that I want to discharge her tomorrow and bring her home. What do people feel about this? If she's there much longer at this rate she will die of starvation or dehydration. I can't stop crying tonight. People say she's in the best place but I think she would be better at home with me with her routine, familiar surroundings and my encouraging her to eat and drink.

 

[AlsoConfused]

Your Mum's obviously a high falls risk at present so is her bed where she can be overseen at all times by the staff on duty? If she isn't maybe she needs to be moved (if that's practical - other patients may be even more vulnerable).

What does the ward assessment / nursing plan for her say about how she's to be protected from falling, how her movement is to be monitored / assisted, her weight, nutrition and fluid intake monitored, etc? What do the notes say about the results of all the monitoring that seems necessary (eg does she weigh as much as she did on being taken into hospital?).

My own inclination would be to keep her in hospital - so that they can find out what's going wrong - but to insist all necessary safeguards were in place and that the care actually provided met the standards deemed necessary. I'd talk to the Ward Manager and to her Consultant if you feel your Mum's safety and well-being aren't being properly cared for. Hospitals generally do their best for patients, don't they, but sometimes staff are so pushed they take potentially dangerous short-cuts with care.

 

[MrsTerryN]

Mum became a high risk fall when it was realised her blood pressure would randomly drop.
As far as I could tell it just came out of the blue
Sorry to hear this is happening to your mum

Sent from my SM-A800IZ using Tapatalk

 

[tryingmybest]

Great news

I am pleased to say, all being well, Mum should be coming home tomorrow. She was ever so much better today when I visited and more like her normal self. I spoke to the doctor who said her heart trace was fine and her bloods are good, but I will just have to be careful with her getting up from a lying down position as thats when her bp is dropping but he's happy for her to come home tomorrow. Yay. So relieved to be getting her out of there.

 

[AlsoConfused]

Wonderful news!

 

[bemused1]

Good news tmb I hope mum settles and all goes well.xx

 

[tryingmybest]

Soon be home!!

Just had the official phone call to say mum can come home today at 2pm. So very happy!!