The perfect Christmas..Bah Humbug!

[Rageddy Anne]

So many emotions get stirred up at this time of year. Of course no one wants to spoil things for all the happy families, but if only those advertisers would'nt keep going on about things like COMING HOME FOR CHRISTMAS.. That must be quite painful for some....


Are there any Christmas free radio and TV stations? I guess the answer would be to go to a desert island, but we can't all do that.

Bah humbug!

 

[susy]

Christmas time for many is a painful time. Estranged fathers who's ex wives won't let them see their children, new widows or widowers young and old, people having to work even! Yet the advertisers and programme makers make us all really want the "ideal" Christmas. I can only liken it to the models out there and airbrushing and how this makes teenage girls and women feel like failures if they have proper womanly curves!!!

So I am with you, I wish that we could all have the perfect existence but it doesn't exist, not for most. X

 

[maryw]

Yes, it really feels like the perfect Christmas should be loads of people around one huge table all laughing and smiling. It's all marketing brainwash isn't it?!! I remind myself "it's ok to get it wrong", ha

Christmas is about love and that can be shown in the most simple way but of course doesn't bring in the big revenues for the advertising companies!

 

[smartieplum]

I hate Christmas. There, said it. And why does everything shut down for two weeks? Carer hell.

 

[Peirre]

Christmas is cancelled due to Opperational requirements and impending emotional overload

Bah humbug...

 

[Zana]

Sorry but I love it...

Yes it can be a difficult time for some but it is what YOU make it. Its easy to sit back and moan about what we dont have or what/ those weve lost. Maybe it could be a moment to sit back and remember those no longer with us.

No family is perfect, but to find a spark of joy any spark is the way to turn misery into joy.

I am surrounded by terminally ill, absent grandchildren, a son with mental illness and an uncertian future.
Im not going to sit back and moan because rewgardless of that I also have love ..Love from others and love for others...

 

[LadyA]

I, thankfully, am not bombarded so much with the advertising as I don't have a tv and don't use the radio! I enjoy magazines and Christmas movies - old classics usually - on dvd, but at least I have much more control over those. Yes, it's a horrible, lonely time for so many - and not helped by the completely unrealistic expectations raised by Corporations, whose basic message is: "Spend enough money on our stuff, and you, too, can have the perfect Christmas and be as happy as the people in our advertising." They are selling a dream, and dreams are not real.

 

[DeborahBlythe]

I've just sold my Christmas tree to a young couple on the estate here. It was a Homebase six foot fake tree with cones. It used to look lovely when it was up, but there is no one to see it except me, it takes up a lot of space and it reminds me of Christmases with my mum and made me sad.

So I advertised it on Facebook and the couple have just come round to collect it. I charged them £10 and threw in a box of baubles. Phew, it feels so much better without it and I shall give the tenner to the Red Cross and would have let them sell the tree but couldn't face bundling the tree into the car and trying to park near their charity shop.

Result all round. Christmas is a bit of a minefield for me. I'm glad that some people enjoy it. I do like bits of it, but really, I'd rather it was all over. Sorry to be a bit of a misery.

 

[Pinkys]

All such a minefield. I do think we can reinvent Xmas as much and as often as we like. So, sell the baubles, treat the 3(?) days as a spa weekend. Lay in herbal lovelies, light but delicious food and turn all the gadgets off. Emerge relaxed and rejuvenated.
Or whatever.

Dreadful time also in care homes, as they try to mimic a family time. Last year my MiL was very indignant they 'forced' her to get dressed and eat a meal with others. Her presents are still in the bag we gave them in. So this year I expect her to eat in her room, in her nightie. What we should give her, if anything, perplexes us. Current favourites: an amaryllis and a reed room scented thing. However, both may end up in bag.

 

[DeborahBlythe]

All such a minefield. I do think we can reinvent Xmas as much and as often as we like. So, sell the baubles, treat the 3(?) days as a spa weekend. Lay in herbal lovelies, light but delicious food and turn all the gadgets off. Emerge relaxed and rejuvenated.
Or whatever.

Dreadful time also in care homes, as they try to mimic a family time. Last year my MiL was very indignant they 'forced' her to get dressed and eat a meal with others. bag.

Aah, Pinkys, you've just reminded me. One year my mother threw a hissy fit at Christmas dinner in the care home and insisted on returning to her room where we both ate our Christmas dinners off trays. I can't recall what exactly upset her but she was in a mood and didn't want to share the day in public. You can't win them all. I hope your Christmas Day is unproblematical and that your MiL is OK. x

 

[AlsoConfused]

As a dog walker, one of my Christmas pleasures is walking in the dusk admiring everyone's Christmas lights. Some are over the top, I'll grant, but even very tasteless displays bring me pleasure (see whether they've added anything new to yesterday's illuminated bell, Christmas tree, Santa's ladder ...). And there are also displays I treasure - the herd of deer in white lights, the delicate lighting of trees and the piece de resistance our historic church lit up and framed by trees without leaves. Magic!

 

[ellejay]

My Bah Humbug is seeing on the tele, the appeals by the Sally Army etc, asking for donations to help make peoples lives a bit better .............and then seeing the ****** Christmas ads by the stores that cost around £7 million to make& only make things better for a select few

Lin x

 

[MollyD]

As a dog walker, one of my Christmas pleasures is walking in the dusk admiring everyone's Christmas lights. Some are over the top, I'll grant, but even very tasteless displays bring me pleasure (see whether they've added anything new ...

Ditto. It's melancholy and cheering all at once. Always loved that. I feel like the little matchstick girl, looking down through basement kitchen windows, albeit with a panting poo sniffing creature in harness (and a faceful of wrinkles.

 

[jan.s]

My Bah Humbug is seeing on the tele, the appeals by the Sally Army etc, asking for donations to help make peoples lives a bit better .............and then seeing the ****** Christmas ads by the stores that cost around £7 million to make& only make things better for a select few

Lin x

Well said Lin. We have a very mixed society - the commercial and the real

 

[cobden28]

Christmas isn't what it used to be.

The idea of the 'perfect family Christmas' doesn't always apply and with not everyone getting on with their relatives this can be a time of year for big family arguments to erupt.

In my case it's always been over whether we go to my parents or have them come to us - and when my late in-laws were alive they always had to be included because neither of them drove and my ex-sis-in-law had four children so not enough room for Grandma and Grandpa round the table. If we went up to my parents, my in-laws usually came too and now that my in-laws have been dead for over ten years & my ex and I recently divorced I get endless repetitions of - why did you always have to drag his parents along with you? at this time of year.

For quite a few years now my ex hasn't spoken to my Mum (85) because of a disagreement and wouldn't have her in the house so I've always had to go see Mum by myself - and again I've always been on the receiving end of 'why doesn't my son-in-law like me any more?'

Since my daughter left home and went away to Uni he hasn't wanted to see her at Christmas either so I've had to go see my Mum by myself one day and then when daughter has been coming down to visit friends in the area ( her Dad wouldn't by then allow her in the house) we met up somewhere in town for lunch out and a girly browse round the shops - but that's not the same as having everyone together, is it?

I'm now divorced - got my decree nisi in the post at the beginning of last week - so the topic which Mum will endlessly complain about this year is how she never liked my ex anyway and how he was such a dominating man who made all the decisions in our household. Many times over the years I've told my Mum that how my now-ex and I run our lives is our business and ours alone and the subject is bot for discussion FULL STOP. But Mum won't listen, and she goes on and on and on, which I find very stressful and on more than one occasion we've had stand-up arguments about the whole business of Christmas, my ex, and everything at this time of year.

Christmas - happy families - BAH HUMBUG . It's just another day for me.

 

[Peirre]

My Bah Humbug is seeing on the tele, the appeals by the Sally Army etc, asking for donations to help make peoples lives a bit better .............and then seeing the ****** Christmas ads by the stores that cost around £7 million to make& only make things better for a select few

Lin x

I do wonder why charitable organisations spend huge amounts of TV advertising when the money spent could be better spent. Likewise why do charities and other campaign groups have to have expensive swanky offices in central London, then pay huge saleries to chief execs and have a massive wage bill for staff, then spend bundles on political advisors and lobbyists, leaving only a small percentage of the monies raised going to the actual cause. There are noteable cases of charities who, if they stopped collecting money tomorrow would still have enough cash in hand to maintain the organisation and its work for several years to come.

 

[Rageddy Anne]

Says it all, Kassy....Thinking of you.

 

[Rageddy Anne]

The idea of the 'perfect family Christmas' doesn't always apply and with not everyone getting on with their relatives this can be a time of year for big family arguments to erupt.

In my case it's always been over whether we go to my parents or have them come to us - and when my late in-laws were alive they always had to be included because neither of them drove and my ex-sis-in-law had four children so not enough room for Grandma and Grandpa round the table. If we went up to my parents, my in-laws usually came too and now that my in-laws have been dead for over ten years & my ex and I recently divorced I get endless repetitions of - why did you always have to drag his parents along with you? at this time of year.

For quite a few years now my ex hasn't spoken to my Mum (85) because of a disagreement and wouldn't have her in the house so I've always had to go see Mum by myself - and again I've always been on the receiving end of 'why doesn't my son-in-law like me any more?'

Since my daughter left home and went away to Uni he hasn't wanted to see her at Christmas either so I've had to go see my Mum by myself one day and then when daughter has been coming down to visit friends in the area ( her Dad wouldn't by then allow her in the house) we met up somewhere in town for lunch out and a girly browse round the shops - but that's not the same as having everyone together, is it?

I'm now divorced - got my decree nisi in the post at the beginning of last week - so the topic which Mum will endlessly complain about this year is how she never liked my ex anyway and how he was such a dominating man who made all the decisions in our household. Many times over the years I've told my Mum that how my now-ex and I run our lives is our business and ours alone and the subject is bot for discussion FULL STOP. But Mum won't listen, and she goes on and on and on, which I find very stressful and on more than one occasion we've had stand-up arguments about the whole business of Christmas, my ex, and everything at this time of year.

Christmas - happy families - BAH HUMBUG . It's just another day for me.

No wonder you're feeling BAH HUMBUG.....could you and your daughter run away somewhere where the Christmas frenzy doesn't reach? That's what a friend of ours did.

 

[Rageddy Anne]

I do wonder why charitable organisations spend huge amounts of TV advertising when the money spent could be better spent. Likewise why do charities and other campaign groups have to have expensive swanky offices in central London, then pay huge saleries to chief execs and have a massive wage bill for staff, then spend bundles on political advisors and lobbyists, leaving only a small percentage of the monies raised going to the actual cause. There are noteable cases of charities who, if they stopped collecting money tomorrow would still have enough cash in hand to maintain the organisation and its work for several years to come.

Agreed. I'd like to know whether what the big charities spend is cost effective.

I don't exactly mind the supermarket ads, because they're going to try drawing attention to themselves one way or another. It's the emphasis on the archetypical Family Gathering
that gets me thinking about people alone, for whatever reason.

There's nothing quite as lonely as spending Christmas Day alone with a person with advanced Dementia.

 

[Rageddy Anne]

Sorry but I love it...

Yes it can be a difficult time for some but it is what YOU make it. Its easy to sit back and moan about what we dont have or what/ those weve lost. Maybe it could be a moment to sit back and remember those no longer with us.

No family is perfect, but to find a spark of joy any spark is the way to turn misery into joy.

I am surrounded by terminally ill, absent grandchildren, a son with mental illness and an uncertian future.
Im not going to sit back and moan because rewgardless of that I also have love ..Love from others and love for others...

It is a matter of attitude, I suppose, and of course it doesn't help to wallow in self pity. It's those people who find themselves alone I feel for, perhaps having lost the one person who loved them the most. It's so hard to avoid the Christmas frenzy, and not everyone has love in their lives.