Hi Everyone!
Just a few issues that I was looking for some advice on if anyone has any experience for me please.
Firstly, the great shower saga....It is now nearly 3 months since any sort of water touched my Grandmas body or hair. We have brought a foot spa and managed the whole of about 1 minute in that before she started screaming and will not entertain the idea again! The last time we got her to wash her hair was by getting a hairdresser to come and cut it for her and before they cut it they washed it over the sink which she was more than happy with, although the next time we went to do this she would not have any of it. We have carers in and they have asked her a few times to have a bath, shower or even just a wash but cannot get her to do it as she just says she's had one.
I have read on this forum how people with Dementia can be scared of having the water on their heads or deep baths so last night I went round and tried to make it a nice experience for her, I turned the heating up so it was lovely and warm...I then wrote a note when she wasn't looking pretending it was from the carer saying she hadn't had a bath that day and they would like me to run her one (She really likes one of the carers in particular and will do anything she asks, apart from any form of washing it would seem!) I went up and ran her a shallow bath and involved her in which shower gel she would like to use and she seemed to be more than happy to do as the 'carer' had asked, taking her jewellery off and going upstairs, she even started to get undressed.
But as soon as she realised she was going to have to get in the bath she got angry...I understand she is scared so sat next to her on her bed and asked what she was scared of, was it the water etc. (I don't know why I thought she'd be able to tell me but I was trying to put across to her that I understood it was something that she wasn't comfortable with doing and that maybe she could just have a strip wash and that I wouldn't look if she didn't want me to but if she did want me there then I would be...) anyway, to cut a long story short she couldn't tell me why just that she wasn't going in but the discussion ended with me now sporting some lovely bruised handprints across my right shoulder where she hit me repeatedly whilst shouting that she wouldn't!
My problem is this.....do I just resign myself to the fact that she probably wont shower again? She seems oblivious to the fact that she smells, her hair is greasy and her clothes are dirty so its not as if it is upsetting her in anyway. But obviously not washing will lead to UTIs or other illnesses. Or do I do something about it, if so what??
My second issue is with the carers, they clearly aren't trained in dementia. The notes often say I asked if she would like anything, she said no, all ok so left....she is paying for 30 minute visits twice a day and the longest they have stopped for so far is 15-20 minutes each time but they still charge for the full 30 minutes. I was there the other day and witnessed the carer listing off a number of different things for my Grandma to 'chose' her dinner from, she obviously just looked at her blankly and said 'yes' rather than picking a meal and then the carer sounded annoyed that she hadn't answered the question. They also gave her an out of date sausage roll the other day (out of date by 4 days!)
I've picked up my concerns with the care company and they have asked me to write up a meal plan for the week, every week and put it into their folder so that they can follow it. They also want me to write a plan for what they should do each day, such as give her, her tablets, cook her meals, try to give her a wash etc.
If this is what I have to do then I will do it, but the reason we were getting carers in is because I work full time and was having to go straight from work to do these things for her alongside looking after my own young family.
Is this normal to have to tell the carers what to give the person to eat and what they need to do with them? I've never been in this position before to require carers so I don't know the procedure... it just seems strange that I have to tell them how to do their job?
I don't mind what she eats as long as its something and isn't out of date and I don't mind what they do when they are there as long as she is getting the full half an hour that she is paying for! So what do I do, is what they are asking me to do something that every care company would ask for (we already had the meeting at the beginning to say what she needed help with and agreed on food, tablets and washing and choosing clean clothes) or is it time for me to look for another company who will stay the correct amount of time and maybe have a better understand of Dementia meaning that she would get a better standard of care? The carers are so lovely and my Grandma has taken a shine to a couple in particular which I never thought would happen, I'm just not sure if I'm 100% happy with the help that she is receiving at present.
Sorry for the long post, once I'd started I couldn't stop!! I just really do not know what to do.
And thank you in advance for any advice that you can give.
Just a few issues that I was looking for some advice on if anyone has any experience for me please.
Firstly, the great shower saga....It is now nearly 3 months since any sort of water touched my Grandmas body or hair. We have brought a foot spa and managed the whole of about 1 minute in that before she started screaming and will not entertain the idea again! The last time we got her to wash her hair was by getting a hairdresser to come and cut it for her and before they cut it they washed it over the sink which she was more than happy with, although the next time we went to do this she would not have any of it. We have carers in and they have asked her a few times to have a bath, shower or even just a wash but cannot get her to do it as she just says she's had one.
I have read on this forum how people with Dementia can be scared of having the water on their heads or deep baths so last night I went round and tried to make it a nice experience for her, I turned the heating up so it was lovely and warm...I then wrote a note when she wasn't looking pretending it was from the carer saying she hadn't had a bath that day and they would like me to run her one (She really likes one of the carers in particular and will do anything she asks, apart from any form of washing it would seem!) I went up and ran her a shallow bath and involved her in which shower gel she would like to use and she seemed to be more than happy to do as the 'carer' had asked, taking her jewellery off and going upstairs, she even started to get undressed.
But as soon as she realised she was going to have to get in the bath she got angry...I understand she is scared so sat next to her on her bed and asked what she was scared of, was it the water etc. (I don't know why I thought she'd be able to tell me but I was trying to put across to her that I understood it was something that she wasn't comfortable with doing and that maybe she could just have a strip wash and that I wouldn't look if she didn't want me to but if she did want me there then I would be...) anyway, to cut a long story short she couldn't tell me why just that she wasn't going in but the discussion ended with me now sporting some lovely bruised handprints across my right shoulder where she hit me repeatedly whilst shouting that she wouldn't!
My problem is this.....do I just resign myself to the fact that she probably wont shower again? She seems oblivious to the fact that she smells, her hair is greasy and her clothes are dirty so its not as if it is upsetting her in anyway. But obviously not washing will lead to UTIs or other illnesses. Or do I do something about it, if so what??
My second issue is with the carers, they clearly aren't trained in dementia. The notes often say I asked if she would like anything, she said no, all ok so left....she is paying for 30 minute visits twice a day and the longest they have stopped for so far is 15-20 minutes each time but they still charge for the full 30 minutes. I was there the other day and witnessed the carer listing off a number of different things for my Grandma to 'chose' her dinner from, she obviously just looked at her blankly and said 'yes' rather than picking a meal and then the carer sounded annoyed that she hadn't answered the question. They also gave her an out of date sausage roll the other day (out of date by 4 days!)
I've picked up my concerns with the care company and they have asked me to write up a meal plan for the week, every week and put it into their folder so that they can follow it. They also want me to write a plan for what they should do each day, such as give her, her tablets, cook her meals, try to give her a wash etc.
If this is what I have to do then I will do it, but the reason we were getting carers in is because I work full time and was having to go straight from work to do these things for her alongside looking after my own young family.
Is this normal to have to tell the carers what to give the person to eat and what they need to do with them? I've never been in this position before to require carers so I don't know the procedure... it just seems strange that I have to tell them how to do their job?
I don't mind what she eats as long as its something and isn't out of date and I don't mind what they do when they are there as long as she is getting the full half an hour that she is paying for! So what do I do, is what they are asking me to do something that every care company would ask for (we already had the meeting at the beginning to say what she needed help with and agreed on food, tablets and washing and choosing clean clothes) or is it time for me to look for another company who will stay the correct amount of time and maybe have a better understand of Dementia meaning that she would get a better standard of care? The carers are so lovely and my Grandma has taken a shine to a couple in particular which I never thought would happen, I'm just not sure if I'm 100% happy with the help that she is receiving at present.
Sorry for the long post, once I'd started I couldn't stop!! I just really do not know what to do.
And thank you in advance for any advice that you can give.