Hi to all my friends on talking point.yesterday as usual I visited my lovely wife June in here nursing home.she was sound asleep in her chair the visiting nurse called to discuss the best type of pads for her to wear she is double ley incontinent.and as I sat there listening to her and the nursing staff talking about her needs a feeling of overwhelming sadness came over me.June was such a private person I know she would not want this.i wish I could end this for her and me.sorry about such a rambling post but no body else to talk to I don't know how much longer I can go on.WHY does this wicked decease exist.sorry for this pathetic post take care out there
bombshell
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Your post is not pathetic - it is heartfelt and sums up the sadness and frustration we feel as carers for our loved ones as we watch this horrible disease do its worst.
I feel for you and can only offer my understanding and sincere wishes that you and June will find happy days despite these sad moments.
I feel for you and can only offer my understanding and sincere wishes that you and June will find happy days despite these sad moments.
Not pathetic at all, we all feel the same about every aspect of this dignity stripping vile illness. Feel exactly the same as Dad a very private and dignified chap moved into double incontinence and is just about moving through the phase thankfully for him and everyone else in his dementia nursing home of forgetting what and where a toilet is. So so sad and helpless to make that any easier for him. Best wishes to you.
I ask the same question, why?? On calm days I look at my mum and feel such overwhelming sadness. The only little bit of peace I get is that knowing my mum probably has no idea what is happening to her, I really hope that is the case.
Take care, keep up the fight.
Take care, keep up the fight.
You know that you will always find a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on and people who understand on here x
Like you, and others who have replied I have similar feelings and you have no idea how many times over the past years I've wished that the latest emergency would be 'the last one', and each time I say "I can't do this again. That's been going on for 2 years now. Somehow one just gets the strength, but it does get harder and harder to watch.
My mum is seemingly now so oblivious to her surroundings and doesn't seem to want to protest anymore.
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Every day I live with my Princess I feel how you do over such things!
Many times she apologises to me for what we now call accidents!
She is just no longer in control!
It's bad for us as carers, it must be worse for those suffering!
You are not alone in your feelings!
J
Many times she apologises to me for what we now call accidents!
She is just no longer in control!
It's bad for us as carers, it must be worse for those suffering!
You are not alone in your feelings!
J
So sorry you're feeling like this. I don't know why this awful disease exists. My heart is breaking for you. I feel so sad and devastated for my dad, the loss of his dignity, the loss of 'him'. So sorry. Your post is not 'pathetic'. It's just so desperately sad. Wishing you strength. Xxx
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It is not a pathetic post. This awful disease strips away all dignity of our loved ones. I am still overcome with despair and sadness every time I drive away from the home, after seeing my lovely husband and soul mate with no awareness of what he's become, knowing how devastated he would feel if he had awareness of his condition. It is so cruel. He is so healthy in every other way - I don't know how long I can bear this heartache.
Far from pathetic Tony your post speaks what I think we all feel. My mum was/is a very proud lady and to see what she has to endure due to this evil evil illness breaks my heart everyday. She has no dignity left however caring and understanding the staff are.
I have treat all my animals with more dignity than my mother has to endure and that rips me apart. I just hope beyond hope that soon she will be released and at peace - and that thought, basically wanting my mum to die, trips off the blooming guilt monster - so I just cant win
Take strength so so many of us understand and walking this journey by your side xx
I have treat all my animals with more dignity than my mother has to endure and that rips me apart. I just hope beyond hope that soon she will be released and at peace - and that thought, basically wanting my mum to die, trips off the blooming guilt monster - so I just cant win
Take strength so so many of us understand and walking this journey by your side xx
Hero
tony i lost my wife to l/b/dem this year march.like you look after her with love .any one who looks after some one with this illness . Is a hero .pathetic popel walk away like some i know.keep strong it good to talk .bill
tony i lost my wife to l/b/dem this year march.like you look after her with love .any one who looks after some one with this illness . Is a hero .pathetic popel walk away like some i know.keep strong it good to talk .bill
Oh I know exactly how you feel. My darling old boy left us 3 weeks ago and I thought like you that this disease is just so wicked. It takes away everything from the person you know and love. And although the missing him hurts so bad I look back on some of the posts I put on here when I was in so much pain for his suffering and realise he had to go to stop the suffering. Stay strong. You're not alone. X
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I hope you find some comfort in knowing you are not alone. I have not been on here much since I joined but as the end draws near I do find it reassuring hearing of other's experiences.
I have 2 relatives with Alzheimer's and one was originally an absolute gentleman. Always polite without fail, smartly dressed and respectful of everyone. He is now incontienent, messy with food and has had behavioural issues that would devastate him if he was aware of what he was doing. To avoid becoming too distressed we view him as a person who has a disease that is responsible for his irrational behaviour and the lovely relative that we once had has now gone. This unwell man has our complete devotion but is now a different person to the one we once knew. It is true that you lose the person twice with this horrible disease. The wonderful staff at his care home try to maintain his dignity at all times while being totally honest with us as to his condition.
I have 2 relatives with Alzheimer's and one was originally an absolute gentleman. Always polite without fail, smartly dressed and respectful of everyone. He is now incontienent, messy with food and has had behavioural issues that would devastate him if he was aware of what he was doing. To avoid becoming too distressed we view him as a person who has a disease that is responsible for his irrational behaviour and the lovely relative that we once had has now gone. This unwell man has our complete devotion but is now a different person to the one we once knew. It is true that you lose the person twice with this horrible disease. The wonderful staff at his care home try to maintain his dignity at all times while being totally honest with us as to his condition.
Tony, I'm sure many of us will have felt the same. It's awful to see a loved one sink into the dreadful indignities of incontinence. Someone once said to me that they couldn't understand why I got upset, since at that stage of dementia my mother was way past caring. Which was true, in that by then she was no more bothered than a six month old baby.
What they didn't understand is that I knew exactly how appalled and mortified her former, intensely private self would have been, and I couldn't just separate that from what she had become.
What they didn't understand is that I knew exactly how appalled and mortified her former, intensely private self would have been, and I couldn't just separate that from what she had become.
Flesh and blood
[My heartfelt sympathy in the quandary you find yourself.We are all flesh and blood with all the imperfections we are landed with.We have every reason to be angry at the way our lives turn out. No point in destroying your peace of mind by allowing resentment to take over, Take every day as it comes and remember it will all end someday. All the best
[My heartfelt sympathy in the quandary you find yourself.We are all flesh and blood with all the imperfections we are landed with.We have every reason to be angry at the way our lives turn out. No point in destroying your peace of mind by allowing resentment to take over, Take every day as it comes and remember it will all end someday. All the best
