What of the Future?
A short time ago I was asked if I ever thought about the future as I am always saying this disease dictates that we live every day as it comes to make the best of a bad situation, slight understatement there but I am sure you know what I mean.
I suppose the answer is yes I have thought about it but not for a while now. The first thing that always comes to mind when I think of my future is my family. How will they manage? Will they be ok? What about their future? I have always said my main aim is to make sure Elaine “My Angel” is secure in every possible way to ensure a bright and happy future without me, this I can say, with peace of mind, has been done.
Then my thoughts go to my children who are all grown up now and making their way in the world as they should, and as I think of them I grow a little taller as I am so proud of them all. We walked many roads together, both rocky roads and even roads but together we walked them and got there in the end. It was not only character building for them but as anyone knows who have children it’s also character building for the parents as well!!
Then, of course without exception are my grandchildren, all 24 of them!! The eldest are three girls, 24yrs, 21yrs (Going on 30yrs loll) and 18 (the clever one LOL) The one thing I have always said since finding out I had this terrible disease is my aim in life was to see my three girls “Walking down the aisle” and I would be a very happy man. This still stands as I intend fighting this demon called “dementia” to the very end. The very thought of me not being there for their biggest day fills me with dread and believe me it will be worth fighting for.
The other grandchildren are boys and girls ranging from 14 downwards!! So as you can see, even with my optimistic outlook I might be pushing it a little to be there for their stag nights!! LOL Still you never know?? I am so immersed in helping my grandchildren to grow up into the adults I know they can be I don’t often think that far into the future, but when I do I must admit it takes two different roads. The first road is either watching or walking my granddaughters down the aisle, holding on to them so tight, I don’t really want them to get married but I know they must, but be guaranteed, tears of happiness will flow!
The other road is much different; it’s one of fear for the future and the unknown. I read each and every day how you brave carers deal with the most horrific situations and how much you give every time you are asked without question. The things I read are real and uncompromising accounts at what this awful disease does to people, and their loved ones/carers ECT. Is this my future?? Is this, is what to come?? Will I be such a burden for my family??
Do all these things go through the heads of people in my position? Surely it must do but as I have said before, we get very, very good at hiding things and especially our feelings. So back to the original question “Do I think of the future?? I suppose the honest answer is no, not that much, as when I do it can take me down either road which is such a roller coaster of emotions the end event can be just as bad as each other.
Unfortunately this does raise the question “What’s it like to live day to day without a clear future in mind” But that’s a question for another day.
As a footnote the only other thing I think, pray and hope for is a cure to become a reality to end this awful uncertainty and banish this Godforsaken disease forever…
A short time ago I was asked if I ever thought about the future as I am always saying this disease dictates that we live every day as it comes to make the best of a bad situation, slight understatement there but I am sure you know what I mean.
I suppose the answer is yes I have thought about it but not for a while now. The first thing that always comes to mind when I think of my future is my family. How will they manage? Will they be ok? What about their future? I have always said my main aim is to make sure Elaine “My Angel” is secure in every possible way to ensure a bright and happy future without me, this I can say, with peace of mind, has been done.
Then my thoughts go to my children who are all grown up now and making their way in the world as they should, and as I think of them I grow a little taller as I am so proud of them all. We walked many roads together, both rocky roads and even roads but together we walked them and got there in the end. It was not only character building for them but as anyone knows who have children it’s also character building for the parents as well!!
Then, of course without exception are my grandchildren, all 24 of them!! The eldest are three girls, 24yrs, 21yrs (Going on 30yrs loll) and 18 (the clever one LOL) The one thing I have always said since finding out I had this terrible disease is my aim in life was to see my three girls “Walking down the aisle” and I would be a very happy man. This still stands as I intend fighting this demon called “dementia” to the very end. The very thought of me not being there for their biggest day fills me with dread and believe me it will be worth fighting for.
The other grandchildren are boys and girls ranging from 14 downwards!! So as you can see, even with my optimistic outlook I might be pushing it a little to be there for their stag nights!! LOL Still you never know?? I am so immersed in helping my grandchildren to grow up into the adults I know they can be I don’t often think that far into the future, but when I do I must admit it takes two different roads. The first road is either watching or walking my granddaughters down the aisle, holding on to them so tight, I don’t really want them to get married but I know they must, but be guaranteed, tears of happiness will flow!
The other road is much different; it’s one of fear for the future and the unknown. I read each and every day how you brave carers deal with the most horrific situations and how much you give every time you are asked without question. The things I read are real and uncompromising accounts at what this awful disease does to people, and their loved ones/carers ECT. Is this my future?? Is this, is what to come?? Will I be such a burden for my family??
Do all these things go through the heads of people in my position? Surely it must do but as I have said before, we get very, very good at hiding things and especially our feelings. So back to the original question “Do I think of the future?? I suppose the honest answer is no, not that much, as when I do it can take me down either road which is such a roller coaster of emotions the end event can be just as bad as each other.
Unfortunately this does raise the question “What’s it like to live day to day without a clear future in mind” But that’s a question for another day.
As a footnote the only other thing I think, pray and hope for is a cure to become a reality to end this awful uncertainty and banish this Godforsaken disease forever…
