feeling pressurised by Local Authority over care homes...

[Nigel62]

Hi everyone,

I've posted a few times on here and had some invaluable help and support from people, so much so I've never been able to thank people individually...so thank you in advance!

Mum was diagnosed with dementia two years ago but still managed to live alone in her council bungalow. I worked tirelessly (as I'm sure you all do) to manage and improve her finances and get in house care. Sadly mum is so independent she refused any of the help offered...but things were worsening as it became apparent mum was unable to wash herself and had problems soiling her clothes. I talked to her about care but she was adamant the council bungalow was where she wanted to be, despite outward signs being very poor.

Last month she fell again and broke her hip resulting in her being taken in to hospital.

A DOLs was put in place at hospital. The feeling of myself and her social worker (who has since left his post...bad timing) was that she needed to be somewhere she could be supported. Mum is still adamant she is going home and I feel so guilty making this decision that she should be in care, particularly as she is 100 miles away from me and my knowledge of care homes in her area isn't good.

I've had the local Adult care unit on the phone to me three times in the last 24 hours. They clearly want to free the bed up mum is in but can't find a home. No homes in her home town have a bed. One has a shared room (not an option for mum) and one requires top ups. So far the only home they have found is around 20 miles away.

My questions.

Should I just dig my heels in until a place is found for her in her home town? (a town she has barely ever left and one that holds all her long term memories)

I thought top ups were voluntary? If I can't pay them (I can't...looking after mum has cost me £40,000 in lost work in the last two years) then does the Local Authority have to plug the gap?

Can I trust CQC reports? I know of one local care home that a friend's mum was in and it was awful for her but the CQC report was really good.

In terms of finance mum is not self funding. She could manage to pay top ups herself though although I realise she is not legally allowed to do this. Is there a way round this? I have PA for her financial affairs...could I pay myself monthly from mum's account and then use this to pay her top ups?

If anyone has any knowledge of advice I would hugely appreciate it. I'm sure we all share one thing, that awful feeling in the pit of the stomach making a decision about one's parent that will change their life. I would rather my mum be at home but if she was she simply wouldn't accept the help offered and things would deteriorate. Mum is still unaware she will be going into a care situation and I don't know how to break this to her...and I really want the best for her, I want a home in her town, with people she knows around. Surely she is owed that? Can I just dig my heels in with the Adult Care unit?

many thanks for reading...sorry to ramble on and I hope it makes sense. I've tried to work so hard on my own for 2 years for mum and I'm terrified it's all going to crumble at the moment when it's most needed to stay solid.

Nigel

 

[Caroleca]

I personally feel that by the time a pwd is ready for a care home....it does not need to be in their home town. Unless you think that she is going to have frequent visitors?

 

[Katrine]

I agree with Carol. Your mum's orientation to place is not something that will continue indefinitely. My MIL is in a CH half a mile from her home of 27 years, and in the town where she has worked and lived since 1973. She has no idea where she is. The name of the town is in her memory bundle of 'the past'. Since she cannot physically see the town day to day, it has become a place where she used to be; it cannot be where she is now, which she thinks is a hospital building 'somewhere'.

Have you considered moving your mum to your town? I believe that if she is LA funded then her current council would be the one that pays. It can be complicated to arrange because they would need to approve the placement, but I've seen posts on TP where such a transfer has been achieved quite smoothly.

 

[Nigel62]

Hi, this is the dilemma I'm facing. Mum has really good knowledge of her home town, she knows the area and where my dad used to work and where people she knows live. Outside of her town she doesn't know anyone but a lot of people seem to know her and vice versa in town.
In that sense I'd rather she stayed in her bungalow...but it's filthy (she refuses cleaners as she says she cleans)...clothes/bed sheets/duvet are all soiled...there was a bathroom flood recently (source unknown but I suspect to do with her soiling herself and trying to clean the mess). Her clothes are dirty and never changed...but again, she refuses any help from carers. Her mobility is poor, she is increasingly housebound. Her housing conditions need to be seen to be believed...I've tried everything I really have and increasingly feel a home would be the best for her...but...she likes the independence of being able to sit by her open door and smoke... so it's just not a clear cut issue of her being so far 'gone' that it doesn't matter geographically where she is. I imagine she is not unique (although the poor social services backed up their failings by saying she was unique in her refusal of help!)

 

[Nigel62]

Thanks for comments...I live in the South East and only rent...despite being here for 13 years the loss of income as a result of sorting out mum means I will most likely have to leave the area within the next year or two...so moving her here will not really be an option (and at 100 miles away, would mean she doesn't get many visitors).

I'm sure in time the geography matters not but at the moment she is more than keenly aware of where she is and her loss of liberty alone is going to distress her never mind the loss of her home town.

 

[Nigel62]

I've now had five calls from the today. In the latest they want me to agree to the care home (that is 20 miles away and I've no knowledge of) to come and assess mum so she can be moved this weekend...purely because they are being put under pressure from the hospital to release the bed.

 

[canary]

It sounds to me like you may have to dig your heels in.
Have Social Services assessed her as needing residential care? If so, then they are obliged to find at least one placement for her that does not require top-ups. Kick up a stink with SS and tell them you cant find anywhere with a space.

 

[KingB]

I would say go and look at the home they are suggesting, and look at the ones in her home town. Keep an open mind and compare what is available. You are in that situation of needing to go for the least bad option. If the home 20 miles away is good then I think its worth going for. She is going to lose her independence anyway, and its unlikely she would be free to roam around her home town. The only advantage of the home town is proximity to visitors I would think. Realistically, how many visitors is she likely to have and how regular? If the answer is not that many then the most important thing is surely for her to be in a nice place with nice people around her even if it is not in a familiar location. They start off as strangers, but the carers are going to be the people she has most contact with and hopefully they become friends over time. Best of luck with finding her somewhere she can be contented.