The end is near

[dottyd]

My mum began her dementia journey nearly 10 years ago when 78 . She did alright for ages, living independently for many years and then when she reached 80 I had to start giving her more support.
Until aged 84 it was necessary to have her live in a care home for her own safety.

She never settled, was always aggressive then become doubly incontinent and combined with the increased aggression triggered a dst meeting earlier this year.

As a result she had to go to a nh and also got chc funding for the first time.

She's in a good place and the staff ( several mental health nurses are in charge and what a difference that makes. I wish she'd gone there from the outset) have coped admirably and have managed to calm down the aggression to quite a degree.

Nearly two months ago staff went into her room one morning and she couldn't move her legs. They took her to hospital, x rayed her, nothing broken and thought it was just arthritic pain. Gradually they got her back on her feet again although not independently.

I saw her before we went away for our autumn break looking fit and well.

While away last week I got a phone call to say she had vomited blood. She has gone downhill ever since and has not eaten since last week although she continues to drink small sips. A blood test was taken and nothing conclusive was gleaned from this although a gp said it would not be in her best interests to treat her

I went to see her as soon as I got home ( was abroad) and she's very frail and lost a lot of weight.
We had a meeting yesterday and it was discussed about putting her on morphine and there's no coming back from that.
I asked for another doctors visit as I just didn't feel comfortable giving the go ahead myself so that will happen today.

I'm veering towards sad, numb and almost normal.
Don't know what else to say.
My lovely mum. Told her how much I loved her. Gave her permission to join my father and the rest of her family. Told that she'd been a fantastic mother.She kept looking at me but didn't seem to recognise me.

Just waiting now...

 

[chick1962]

Hello dottyt I am so sorry my lovely , it must be heartbreaking for you. I have no advice but didn't want you to feel alone with this situation . Gentle hugs to you xxxx


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[turbo]

I am so sorry dottyd. It's so heartbreaking when you have a fantastic mum. Thinking of you.

 

[Georgina63]

So sorry for you dottyd, how heart-breaking, sending the best of wishes. Gx

 

[Harrys daughter]

Dottyd sending you a huge hug this is so terribly sad xxx

 

[Prudence9]

Thinking of you and your Mum Dottyd, I am so sorry.

 

[Miss Merlot]

I'm sorry to hear this dotty - sending you best wishes xx

 

[InnerGeek]

I'm so sorry Dotty, sending lots of hugs and supportive thoughts your way xx

 

[cragmaid]

How lovely to hear that you have been able to protect and care for your Mum for such a long time. I agree with you that it would be unkind to prolong her life if she is suffering, but I also know how hard it is to make that choice......With you in thought and holding you both in my prayers...... Maureen.x.

 

[dottyd]

Thank you for all your kind wishes.
We all know this time will come but it's still a shock when it actually does.
I've been to see mum wed, thurs and today and she appears to be going rapidly downhill.
She's not had solid food for ten days. Little sips of fortified drink, that's all.
She seemed to be in considerable discomfort this afternoon, doubling up with pain, groaning etc so the decision was taken to put her on morphine.

We waited 20 mins and she still didn't settle. They were going to give her something for agitation later.

She is getting excellent care, so much better than in hospital.

 

[susy]

Oh Dotty, it is so sad when this time comes however it really does sound like she is very well cared for. The start of the morphine may take a little time to get right but I am sure that the nurses will be experience with this and will ensure she reaches a comfortable stage and they will do their level best to keep her there. What is the best for her, but heartbreaking time for you is a time where you can say what you need to say. Even if she doesn't seem to hear it, you never know what is taken in at that very moment. My thoughts are with you at this time. Xx

 

[dottyd]

Thank you sudsy
I rang about 11 last night and she still wasn't settled, the nurse was going to give her more.
I've barely slept.

 

[Ann Mac]

dotty, I'm so sorry to read this. Sending you {{{{{hugs}}}}} and lots of supportive wishes. I hope when you ring, you hear that your Mum is settled and comfortable. Thinking of you xxxxxxx

 

[2jays]

Walking this road with you holding your hand tight xxxx


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[Toddleo]

Walking this road with you holding your hand tight xxxx

And count me in too. My mum is now in hospital, sipping occasional water only and resisting solids, the decision has now been made to put her on morphine too as she is very agitated and restless.
The consultant is "extremely concerned" about mum, he said she could pass quite soon, or it could take a few months, "or she may rally round!" Someone on here was talking about the "lingerers" the other day, the consultant's comments bought that to mind - it made me smile-why do I feel that mum will "linger" - I just feel that she will!

This is so tough for those of us who are observing. Keep up with the virtual group hand holding/hugging I say.

 

[lemonjuice]

Walking this road with you holding your hand tight xxxx


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Me too!

2jays "And count me in too. My mum is now in hospital, sipping occasional water only and resisting solids, the decision has now been made to put her on morphine too as she is very agitated and restless.
The consultant is "extremely concerned" about mum, he said she could pass quite soon, or it could take a few months, "or she may rally round!" Someone on here was talking about the "lingerers" the other day, the consultant's comments bought that to mind - it made me smile-why do I feel that mum will "linger" - I just feel that she will!"

That was me. It's in my mother's genes - her sister 'lingered for 6 years' with so many emergencies that at the end we didn't believe it.

 

[Toddleo]

That was me. It's in my mother's genes - her sister 'lingered for 6 years' with so many emergencies that at the end we didn't believe it.

Well Lemonjuice, thankyou, cos it still makes me smile - I know it shouldn't but we have to find something to smile about in these dreadful depressing dementia days, and the thought of mum "lingering" does it for me-it's such a good description.

 

[2jays]

I think mum is "lingering" as she seems to be more aware today and more peaceful.

Mind you, she was always a nosy person and hated missing any gossip going on


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[lemonjuice]

I think mum is "lingering" as she seems to be more aware today and more peaceful.

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That's exactly my Mum.

Usually afterwards, once she's usually slept for 24 hours, she almost seems to 'pick up' as if a small blockage is cleared in her brain? Everyone agrees this is always the case after an ASC.
I do wonder if the loss of consciousness/ brain misfire causes a sort of 'restart' and finds a new path along which to send messages?(Her dementia is caused by ischaemia and long term heart failure, causing lack of oxygen to the brain.) That doesn't mean she's not gravely sick, but just no longer in an 'acute' phase but 'stable'.

 

[lemonjuice]

Well Lemonjuice, thankyou, cos it still makes me smile - I know it shouldn't but we have to find something to smile about in these dreadful depressing dementia days, and the thought of mum "lingering" does it for me-it's such a good description.

Exactly. Sometimes one just has to look for something 'silly' to relieve the pressure of the relentlessness of it all.