Thank you all very much for your wise and kind words regarding my previous thread.
The sad news is that my Father-In-Law passed away late last Thursday evening. He was in no pain and slipped away quietly. Unfortunately (from my Wife and MIL's point of view) he died alone, but we were able to attend the hospital within a couple of hours to pay our respects.
After my previous thread, and armed with ALL of your comments and opinions I actually forced a discussion between myself, my Wife and my two daughters on the Friday before he died.
It got extremely emotional, with many tears, accusations of emotional blackmail, screaming and actual hysteria with broken crockery and some forcible restraint.
Ultimately, though it was extremely cathartic. The very next day my FIL had rallied a little and I accompanied my MIL and took my two girls to see him for (as turned out) the last time.
It is strange the way things turn out, but that Saturday turned out to be his "best" day for a few weeks. I left the girls in the hospital coffee shop to check out how he was. If he was violent or aggressive then we had agreed that the girls could then make a call as to whether they wanted to go in or not.
As it turned out, he was awake, making an effort to make himself communicate and seemed (We will never know one way or the other) to recognize everyone. The now accepted view from my family is that he was holding on to make sure that he saw his beloved granddaughters, and I am happy with this interpretation as it gives so much comfort.
I will share one really funny story that will live in my memory for ever. I apologise in advance for the language, but this is exactly how it happened. The words were difficult to understand but I was standing directly in front of him and, understood almost every word.
FIL: (directed at me) Have you got your shotgun?
Me: Shotgun? - I've got some air rifles, but no shotgun. What do you want a shotgun for?
At this point I was fearing the worst....
FIL: I want to shoot the ..... who stuck his finger up my ****...
I burst out laughing and then relayed the conversation to my (bewildered) MIL and daughters and they laughed heartily as well. This comment was completely in keeping with my late FIL's character.
On the Sunday, my Wife actually got him to eat bananas and custard, one of his favourites, and this was the first food that she'd seen him eat for weeks. Even so, hopes were not raised as we all knew that this was nearing the end.
The next few days were fraught and emotional as his body gradually shut down and by Tuesday there was no recognition or response. Thursday afternoon his breath was notably ragged and we were all expecting the worst.
Since a very late night on Thursday, a lot of tears, a lot of guilt, it definitely feels that we are in a different phase, with much to do. There is a palpable sense of relief (with associated guilt), but my MIL is talking about the future.
For any others in my position, please, please talk to your other half, tell your kids and deal with it as a family. Non-communication was threatening to tear my family apart, but now we feel stronger than ever.
With my thanks and appreciation
Son-In-Law
The sad news is that my Father-In-Law passed away late last Thursday evening. He was in no pain and slipped away quietly. Unfortunately (from my Wife and MIL's point of view) he died alone, but we were able to attend the hospital within a couple of hours to pay our respects.
After my previous thread, and armed with ALL of your comments and opinions I actually forced a discussion between myself, my Wife and my two daughters on the Friday before he died.
It got extremely emotional, with many tears, accusations of emotional blackmail, screaming and actual hysteria with broken crockery and some forcible restraint.
Ultimately, though it was extremely cathartic. The very next day my FIL had rallied a little and I accompanied my MIL and took my two girls to see him for (as turned out) the last time.
It is strange the way things turn out, but that Saturday turned out to be his "best" day for a few weeks. I left the girls in the hospital coffee shop to check out how he was. If he was violent or aggressive then we had agreed that the girls could then make a call as to whether they wanted to go in or not.
As it turned out, he was awake, making an effort to make himself communicate and seemed (We will never know one way or the other) to recognize everyone. The now accepted view from my family is that he was holding on to make sure that he saw his beloved granddaughters, and I am happy with this interpretation as it gives so much comfort.
I will share one really funny story that will live in my memory for ever. I apologise in advance for the language, but this is exactly how it happened. The words were difficult to understand but I was standing directly in front of him and, understood almost every word.
FIL: (directed at me) Have you got your shotgun?
Me: Shotgun? - I've got some air rifles, but no shotgun. What do you want a shotgun for?
At this point I was fearing the worst....
FIL: I want to shoot the ..... who stuck his finger up my ****...
I burst out laughing and then relayed the conversation to my (bewildered) MIL and daughters and they laughed heartily as well. This comment was completely in keeping with my late FIL's character.
On the Sunday, my Wife actually got him to eat bananas and custard, one of his favourites, and this was the first food that she'd seen him eat for weeks. Even so, hopes were not raised as we all knew that this was nearing the end.
The next few days were fraught and emotional as his body gradually shut down and by Tuesday there was no recognition or response. Thursday afternoon his breath was notably ragged and we were all expecting the worst.
Since a very late night on Thursday, a lot of tears, a lot of guilt, it definitely feels that we are in a different phase, with much to do. There is a palpable sense of relief (with associated guilt), but my MIL is talking about the future.
For any others in my position, please, please talk to your other half, tell your kids and deal with it as a family. Non-communication was threatening to tear my family apart, but now we feel stronger than ever.
With my thanks and appreciation
Son-In-Law
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