TEARS AND FEARS
A few days ago Elaine caught me crying, it was a total shock to both of us because i really believed she had gone up to the lounge where we live in Sheltered housing. Why was i crying? for many many reasons.
I cried for my family, as i see their eyes, i see their fear,
I cried for my friends, hoping they will never ever suffer the deep rooted worries that we go through each day,
I cried for my past, just wanting to be the person i used to be that worked and provided for my family, oh how i would like to play football again,
I cried as i worried about my future, you see, i have read the book, i have seen what happens, the last page and the last line of the book that is dementia is burned into my soul,
In the depths of my depression I cried out in frustration at not knowing why i am still here, still doing so well, i know this sounds very strange to some, but the GUILT MONSTER that touches loved ones and carers also touches those with dementia, what RIGHT do i have to do so well for so long when other around me are failing fast??
But i also cry for all those who are doing so very well after 10/20 + years of living with this disease but yet are persecuted by some who dont understand
But most of all i cried for all those who are touched by this awful disease, those who are very much worse of than me, later down the line, in such torment and confusion, i cried because i dont want them to become the " Forgotten ones"
I often cry alone, my choice
I cry alone because people like myself who have this terrible disease are so very good at hiding things
This time i cried even more because Elaine had caught me crying and i saw the hurt in her eyes
I HATE THIS DISEASE
Cc Norrms Please feel free to share
A few days ago Elaine caught me crying, it was a total shock to both of us because i really believed she had gone up to the lounge where we live in Sheltered housing. Why was i crying? for many many reasons.
I cried for my family, as i see their eyes, i see their fear,
I cried for my friends, hoping they will never ever suffer the deep rooted worries that we go through each day,
I cried for my past, just wanting to be the person i used to be that worked and provided for my family, oh how i would like to play football again,
I cried as i worried about my future, you see, i have read the book, i have seen what happens, the last page and the last line of the book that is dementia is burned into my soul,
In the depths of my depression I cried out in frustration at not knowing why i am still here, still doing so well, i know this sounds very strange to some, but the GUILT MONSTER that touches loved ones and carers also touches those with dementia, what RIGHT do i have to do so well for so long when other around me are failing fast??
But i also cry for all those who are doing so very well after 10/20 + years of living with this disease but yet are persecuted by some who dont understand
But most of all i cried for all those who are touched by this awful disease, those who are very much worse of than me, later down the line, in such torment and confusion, i cried because i dont want them to become the " Forgotten ones"
I often cry alone, my choice
I cry alone because people like myself who have this terrible disease are so very good at hiding things
This time i cried even more because Elaine had caught me crying and i saw the hurt in her eyes
I HATE THIS DISEASE
Cc Norrms Please feel free to share
