Thanks for your comments ...... Yes G.P and others aware .... I get a carer to help with dressing in a morning, although many times my wife sends them away without getting dressed ..so that pleasure then falls on me, sometimes much much later in the day! I get a weekly sitting service which just gives me time to go shopping or other domestic needs... I am also looking at respite care, although I feel reluctant to go down that road, as I feel my wife has given me a wonderful life and now its my turn to give her the best that is possible !! ... sometimes like today I just don't know how to help .... I sometimes cry with sheer frustration.
Unfortunately its not a UTI or anything similar, if it were treatment would be available ..and I could look forward.... we have been there and done that .. I know the difference, we have also tried anti psychotics ... with no success, so its just half a lorazapam when needed ... thats if I can get her to take it!! When it gets like this all I can do is leave her to her own devices just ensuring she doesn't hurt herself .... it makes me feel useless
Well we have had a relatively event free couple of weeks ... just the normal mood swings and lack of co-operation, the type of behaviour we all get used to with this awful disease... However the last few days the abuse has intensified .... I know she doesn't mean it .. but it hurts so much ... the names she calls me and the things she accuses me of are driving me to depression . She says she hates me, that I am a nasty little old man .. that i am vicious and am nothing, she wants me out of her house and her life!! she accuses me of so many horrible things .... I know its the disease talking but it doesn't make it any easier to take ... I know many of you will be experiencing similar behaviours with your loved ones .. has anyone got a way of coping ?? I am at my wits end!
I know lots of others have already said similar but have you thought about the next stage of care? There comes a point when either internally (in your soul) or externally (someone's behaviour) become too difficult to deal with and we are in grave danger of damaging our own health. Sometimes it is necessary to think of her having care in a different environment where others take responsibility for all the personal care and you do the 'quality' bit - the visiting, the bringing treats, the revisiting old memories - and of course being an advocate and making sure the person is well looked after - that is just as much caring as what you are doing at the moment . I really think you should think about it and talk to others. I go regularly to a carers cafe (lifeline) and one chap there was in a very similar position to you several months ago - I thought he was unnervingly close to a breakdown. His wife is now in a home and he chooses to spend time with her most days and he is a changed man - he is full of life, his eyes are bright, he is sleeping and he is much happier and his wife is very well cared for (he says they are closer now than they have been for a number of years). It's worth thinking about xxxxxx
Thank you... I know you are right ... indeed many people have given me similar advice... and I would also give myself that same advice .... therein lies the problem!! I am good at giving advice ... but rubbish at taking it!! I am thinking about it, I have looked at respite and my wife is due a trial weekend shortly!
Thank you... I know you are right ... indeed many people have given me similar advice... and I would also give myself that same advice .... therein lies the problem!! I am good at giving advice ... but rubbish at taking it!! I am thinking about it, I have looked at respite and my wife is due a trial weekend shortly!
That is a good idea and will give you mini break to - golden rule absolutely no housework is allowed on a respite break - tea with friends, drinks with that friend that you haven't seen for the past x years, perhaps a meal out with someone you know well - all these are allowed but NO WORK lol
You aren't rubbish, you are under HUGE stress and that makes decisions so much harder and anyway for me at least it often takes me months to think something through (in the back of my mind) before I make a decision so we can't both be rubbish lol neither of us are xx
Oh fizzle you are so right! The last time my husband went to respite I steam cleaned everything in sight in his room. This time .. Zilch!! Me time. Special breakfast in PJs, coffee with sister in law and natter, rubbish t.v. and special meals just for me in the evening. The carpets need hoovering, dusting needed doing .. Tough! I'm getting there. Also, I think we know when we have tough decisions to make In the future, like permanent care, and it takes us a while to look at the page and keep putting it away. We know it's there but it's so frightening we soldier on and hope. That's my story anyway.x
That is a good idea and will give you mini break to - golden rule absolutely no housework is allowed on a respite break - tea with friends, drinks with that friend that you haven't seen for the past x years, perhaps a meal out with someone you know well - all these are allowed but NO WORK lol
You aren't rubbish, you are under HUGE stress and that makes decisions so much harder and anyway for me at least it often takes me months to think something through (in the back of my mind) before I make a decision so we can't both be rubbish lol neither of us are xx
I know you are all right ... I know what the experts say, but it means much more hearing it from people in similar situations. 'Thank you ' I'll let you know how it goes!!
I live under this dark cloud we all know too well!!
Thanks for your comments ...... Yes G.P and others aware .... I get a carer to help with dressing in a morning, although many times my wife sends them away without getting dressed ..so that pleasure then falls on me, sometimes much much later in the day! I get a weekly sitting service which just gives me time to go shopping or other domestic needs... I am also looking at respite care, although I feel reluctant to go down that road, as I feel my wife has given me a wonderful life and now its my turn to give her the best that is possible !! ... sometimes like today I just don't know how to help .... I sometimes cry with sheer frustration.
Unfortunately its not a UTI or anything similar, if it were treatment would be available ..and I could look forward.... we have been there and done that .. I know the difference, we have also tried anti psychotics ... with no success, so its just half a lorazapam when needed ... thats if I can get her to take it!! When it gets like this all I can do is leave her to her own devices just ensuring she doesn't hurt herself .... it makes me feel useless