Hi all,
Have had a really tough week. Mum has been in a nursing home for nearly three years now and her physical and mental ability have declined rapidly during this period. I am the only family member she recognises as the rest of the family are just about invisibles (although during the last week they have all come out of the woodwork).
On Monday afternoon last week I received a phone call from her gp stating only the nursing home staff are allowed to give mum food and fluids. As they during the last three years have struggled to maintain her food and fluid levels and when I have visited every day have put food and fluid into her to maintain a life sustaining level.
The gp stated that as mum sleeps most of the time (not when I am there in early evening) then she doesn't have a quality of life. What does it matter if she sleeps most of the day (she is blind and immobile and there is no stimulation during the day from the nursing home). He also told me that mum would have between 2 days to two weeks before she dies.
I have been off work all last week as this has been devastating to me and I have gone into the nursing home to clear her mouth of mucus before feeding (something the nursing home staff do not do) in the hope of her being able to take in food and fluids. I think this was quite cruel of the gp to inform me this way and should have invited me in to the surgery for a chat.
I have found this very hard to take and admittedly mum has been very poorly during the last 4/5 weeks e.g. thrush, urine infections, chest infections, supra pubic infections she is a fighter and I feel that she is not being given a chance to recover.
Her skin is beautiful as I massage her every day and give her a full facial with Clarins. They say she has the best skin in the building (it is better than mine).
They are struggling to get food and fluids into mum and I feel that the longer this goes on then she will forget how to swallow due to the dementia. During the last week they have been less successful in feeding her and giving her fluids (it is as though they are aiding her demise). Whilst when I have fed mum and given her fluids I have cleared the mucus from her throat. The carers don't and when she baulks they abandon the feed/fluid intake (on nursing home instructions).
I had a meeting with the matron who said the gp should not have told me that she would die within two weeks as no one knows but agreed that what is going in e.g food and fluids is not life sustaining.
In my heart I hope mum gives up the fight quickly and goes to dad who died nearly three years ago so save her of any more suffering but she is and has been such a strong woman that I don't think she will.
I have been given open access to mum and can sleep in her room when I want which is comforting.
I have to return to work tomorrow (my employers have been brilliant) and feel this is where the real decline commences as all feeds are done when I am at work and I cannot clear her mouth of mucus before feeds.
One day I may accept that what they have decided is right but at this moment in time am struggling to accept their decision.
Thank you for reading this. I just need to get it off my chest as I feel so alone in this.
I only want the best for mum but feel the way they have gone about this is insensitive.
Have had a really tough week. Mum has been in a nursing home for nearly three years now and her physical and mental ability have declined rapidly during this period. I am the only family member she recognises as the rest of the family are just about invisibles (although during the last week they have all come out of the woodwork).
On Monday afternoon last week I received a phone call from her gp stating only the nursing home staff are allowed to give mum food and fluids. As they during the last three years have struggled to maintain her food and fluid levels and when I have visited every day have put food and fluid into her to maintain a life sustaining level.
The gp stated that as mum sleeps most of the time (not when I am there in early evening) then she doesn't have a quality of life. What does it matter if she sleeps most of the day (she is blind and immobile and there is no stimulation during the day from the nursing home). He also told me that mum would have between 2 days to two weeks before she dies.
I have been off work all last week as this has been devastating to me and I have gone into the nursing home to clear her mouth of mucus before feeding (something the nursing home staff do not do) in the hope of her being able to take in food and fluids. I think this was quite cruel of the gp to inform me this way and should have invited me in to the surgery for a chat.
I have found this very hard to take and admittedly mum has been very poorly during the last 4/5 weeks e.g. thrush, urine infections, chest infections, supra pubic infections she is a fighter and I feel that she is not being given a chance to recover.
Her skin is beautiful as I massage her every day and give her a full facial with Clarins. They say she has the best skin in the building (it is better than mine).
They are struggling to get food and fluids into mum and I feel that the longer this goes on then she will forget how to swallow due to the dementia. During the last week they have been less successful in feeding her and giving her fluids (it is as though they are aiding her demise). Whilst when I have fed mum and given her fluids I have cleared the mucus from her throat. The carers don't and when she baulks they abandon the feed/fluid intake (on nursing home instructions).
I had a meeting with the matron who said the gp should not have told me that she would die within two weeks as no one knows but agreed that what is going in e.g food and fluids is not life sustaining.
In my heart I hope mum gives up the fight quickly and goes to dad who died nearly three years ago so save her of any more suffering but she is and has been such a strong woman that I don't think she will.
I have been given open access to mum and can sleep in her room when I want which is comforting.
I have to return to work tomorrow (my employers have been brilliant) and feel this is where the real decline commences as all feeds are done when I am at work and I cannot clear her mouth of mucus before feeds.
One day I may accept that what they have decided is right but at this moment in time am struggling to accept their decision.
Thank you for reading this. I just need to get it off my chest as I feel so alone in this.
I only want the best for mum but feel the way they have gone about this is insensitive.
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