So bizarre !
- Thread starter Ann Mac
- Start date
Spamar, please have a safe drive home, and don't worry about catching up here until you're home and rested.
Grace, I am sorry to hear you had a bad night. I hope you weren't having too much pain from your knee. I understand (all too well) about not being able to "switch off" and you are likely correct that the visit to MIL was disturbing.
It's clear your in-laws are not kind or caring or considerate people, and that they don't respect you or your limitations or your requests or your boundaries, at all, ever, from what I can tell. You need space and time to make sure you completely recover from your knee op. I suspect that as long as you continue to talk to them, they will continue to treat you poorly.
I know you feel you have an obligation to your MIL, and that you are concerned for her well-being, which speaks well of you as NOT being like your in-laws, but the in-laws are clearly eager to dump all responsibility for MIL on you, without any consideration for you. The one SIL in particular sounds more than a little nuts, or at least is very self-centered and/or has her head stuck well into the sand. I just don't see where you having contact with these people, does you any good whatsoever, and in fact may do you a great deal of harm. Apologies if I upset you or have overstepped the boundaries; I admit it's none of my business but cannot help feeling worried about you. Please, please look after yourself, Grace.
Ann, overall the new job sounds great and I'm so pleased for you. Sorry you are still having issues with the equipment/IT stuff and setting up and hope this gets straightened out sooner rather than later. Of course it's still early days in terms of training and so forth, plus the equipment factor, plus the travel; it all adds up to a lot. I think you sound close to being overwhelmed with the new job, feeling poorly, the school situation, the domestic stuff, and of course MIL. I know some of those things will be less stressful at some point, as you say (let's hope this is a brief and mild cold, for example) but can imagine you feel pulled in many directions at the moment.
I don't have brilliant suggestions about the domestic stuff, other than what your OH said, that you all sit down and work something out. But I can clearly hear in your posts that something is going to give, if your household workload doesn't change, and I don't want the thing that gives, to be you!
Thank you for the kind words and the encouragement to feel free to offload here. I do still feel shy about that at times. I slept better last night and although it's cool again today, the sun is shining and I am going to see what I can accomplish today to make me feel better. First up is writing an email to the care home, so nobody can say I didn't TELL them we cleared out the old room yesterday, and seeing if they can account for any of her missing sheets and towels, and all that stuff. Then I'll see if I can sort out some new towels for her. I have plenty here at the house I could take in, but it's better for my mother if they are all the same color (blue) as she seems to better "recognize" them as "hers" that way. I would like to wonder what on earth happened to all her hand towels and washcloths (flannels? face cloths? can't recall the correct UK term) but that is a waste of energy, I know.
All right, off to write that email so I can stop thinking about it. Thank you all again and sending you all hugs and good wishes.
Grace, I am sorry to hear you had a bad night. I hope you weren't having too much pain from your knee. I understand (all too well) about not being able to "switch off" and you are likely correct that the visit to MIL was disturbing.
It's clear your in-laws are not kind or caring or considerate people, and that they don't respect you or your limitations or your requests or your boundaries, at all, ever, from what I can tell. You need space and time to make sure you completely recover from your knee op. I suspect that as long as you continue to talk to them, they will continue to treat you poorly.
I know you feel you have an obligation to your MIL, and that you are concerned for her well-being, which speaks well of you as NOT being like your in-laws, but the in-laws are clearly eager to dump all responsibility for MIL on you, without any consideration for you. The one SIL in particular sounds more than a little nuts, or at least is very self-centered and/or has her head stuck well into the sand. I just don't see where you having contact with these people, does you any good whatsoever, and in fact may do you a great deal of harm. Apologies if I upset you or have overstepped the boundaries; I admit it's none of my business but cannot help feeling worried about you. Please, please look after yourself, Grace.
Ann, overall the new job sounds great and I'm so pleased for you. Sorry you are still having issues with the equipment/IT stuff and setting up and hope this gets straightened out sooner rather than later. Of course it's still early days in terms of training and so forth, plus the equipment factor, plus the travel; it all adds up to a lot. I think you sound close to being overwhelmed with the new job, feeling poorly, the school situation, the domestic stuff, and of course MIL. I know some of those things will be less stressful at some point, as you say (let's hope this is a brief and mild cold, for example) but can imagine you feel pulled in many directions at the moment.
I don't have brilliant suggestions about the domestic stuff, other than what your OH said, that you all sit down and work something out. But I can clearly hear in your posts that something is going to give, if your household workload doesn't change, and I don't want the thing that gives, to be you!
Thank you for the kind words and the encouragement to feel free to offload here. I do still feel shy about that at times. I slept better last night and although it's cool again today, the sun is shining and I am going to see what I can accomplish today to make me feel better. First up is writing an email to the care home, so nobody can say I didn't TELL them we cleared out the old room yesterday, and seeing if they can account for any of her missing sheets and towels, and all that stuff. Then I'll see if I can sort out some new towels for her. I have plenty here at the house I could take in, but it's better for my mother if they are all the same color (blue) as she seems to better "recognize" them as "hers" that way. I would like to wonder what on earth happened to all her hand towels and washcloths (flannels? face cloths? can't recall the correct UK term) but that is a waste of energy, I know.
All right, off to write that email so I can stop thinking about it. Thank you all again and sending you all hugs and good wishes.
Home in one piece, the car, anyway. My mind is whirling and various joints ache ( except my knee, Grace!). I don't think I'm going to drive down there again, my brain has given up!
Shall spend evening watching tv! Plus throwing things at the laundry basket. Tomorrow, a long shower and hair wash and a quick flip to the shop! Hopefully nothing else!
Shall spend evening watching tv! Plus throwing things at the laundry basket. Tomorrow, a long shower and hair wash and a quick flip to the shop! Hopefully nothing else!
Evening all,
Welcome home Spamar! Glad you got there in one piece and hope you are able to have a few quiet days to get your energy back after the long drive.
(((Amy))) the little demon, that sits on our shoulders and drips poison into our ears, is always more powerful in the wee small hours.
BTW, both 'face cloth' and 'flannel' equate to your 'washcloth'
(((Grace))) your in-laws really do take the biscuit! It does seem that, if you give them an inch, they will take several miles. I hope you are able to continue being strong in resisting their hints and demands.
JM, I do hope you are able to get some professional advice regarding your daughter's training etc.
(((Ann))) that black cloud is always stronger when we are tired. I hope you are able to sort out some long-term help with the household work-load. Short-term, could you pay someone to help with the cleaning etc? Please remember that 1) the dust is not entirely your responsibility and 2) the world won't end if you let things get a bit more dusty/untidy than usual!
Sorry that you and OH both have another bout of the lurgy, I hope it doesn't last long. I guess there is no point in asking you to try and get plenty of rest while you are unwell??
I had a call this afternoon from one of Mum's neighbours. Mum had asked her to ring me and say that she wanted me to go over. On questioning, it transpired that nothing was actually wrong other than Mum feeling a bit lonely. I'm afraid I said that, in that case, I will see her in the morning as planned. I'm going to meet a friend's daughter there tomorrow and she will take over Mum's cleaning for us. I had only recently commented that we hadn't had a call from Mum for ages. I suspect she has forgotten how to use the phone herself - but has clearly found a way round the problem!
So, having refused to go over, I suspect that the GM will be dripping it's poison into my ear tonight!
It's been bright and dry here but decidedly cooler. I hope everyone has been able to enjoy a bit of late sunshine this weekend.
Welcome home Spamar! Glad you got there in one piece and hope you are able to have a few quiet days to get your energy back after the long drive.
(((Amy))) the little demon, that sits on our shoulders and drips poison into our ears, is always more powerful in the wee small hours.
BTW, both 'face cloth' and 'flannel' equate to your 'washcloth'
(((Grace))) your in-laws really do take the biscuit! It does seem that, if you give them an inch, they will take several miles. I hope you are able to continue being strong in resisting their hints and demands.
JM, I do hope you are able to get some professional advice regarding your daughter's training etc.
(((Ann))) that black cloud is always stronger when we are tired. I hope you are able to sort out some long-term help with the household work-load. Short-term, could you pay someone to help with the cleaning etc? Please remember that 1) the dust is not entirely your responsibility and 2) the world won't end if you let things get a bit more dusty/untidy than usual!
Sorry that you and OH both have another bout of the lurgy, I hope it doesn't last long. I guess there is no point in asking you to try and get plenty of rest while you are unwell??
I had a call this afternoon from one of Mum's neighbours. Mum had asked her to ring me and say that she wanted me to go over. On questioning, it transpired that nothing was actually wrong other than Mum feeling a bit lonely. I'm afraid I said that, in that case, I will see her in the morning as planned. I'm going to meet a friend's daughter there tomorrow and she will take over Mum's cleaning for us. I had only recently commented that we hadn't had a call from Mum for ages. I suspect she has forgotten how to use the phone herself - but has clearly found a way round the problem!
So, having refused to go over, I suspect that the GM will be dripping it's poison into my ear tonight!
It's been bright and dry here but decidedly cooler. I hope everyone has been able to enjoy a bit of late sunshine this weekend.
Not fully caught up and need to get to bed.
Forgot mum had a memory clinic appt today, booking 6 months in advance not ideal, rebooked in now (friend at work gave me grief for forgetting a memory clinic appt)
One of mum's carers phoned - they want me to take her to GP re scratches, they were a lot better when I went last week, and guess they are infected now, need to phone her GP but can only really do Thursdays and work is manic now. Just didn't need it.
Dau raced National race yesterday, not good but not bad, she enjoyed it which is really good. Making a big effort to eat lots of food with iron in, haem and non- heam - Figs are being gobbled by both kids, steaks last night black pudding tonight (one of dau's favourites) - we are all meat eaters.
Forgot mum had a memory clinic appt today, booking 6 months in advance not ideal, rebooked in now (friend at work gave me grief for forgetting a memory clinic appt
)One of mum's carers phoned - they want me to take her to GP re scratches, they were a lot better when I went last week, and guess they are infected now, need to phone her GP but can only really do Thursdays and work is manic now. Just didn't need it.
Dau raced National race yesterday, not good but not bad, she enjoyed it which is really good. Making a big effort to eat lots of food with iron in, haem and non- heam - Figs are being gobbled by both kids, steaks last night black pudding tonight (one of dau's favourites) - we are all meat eaters.
Mornin',
I've had another sleepless night, not with pain from my knee, but MiL worries.
Amy thank you for your comments, its fine, no upset caused. I agree.
I am staying strong, keeping to my word, MiL WILL NOT be coming here to live with me.
Nor will she 'when the time comes' be deposited in an EMI near me.
A move is 100% definitely on the cards for me. Its going to be difficult to find something similar.
I was talking to my sister at the weekend, and she said when I move back down South,
'we will have you speaking with a Cornish accent before you know it.
Physio is pleased with me. Not so pleased that I took a 'wee drive' and didn't ring to tell her.
It was only to my little parade of shops down the road, not into town.
You can park in front, not a great deal of 'walking', and I only bought what I could carry in my shoulder bag.
Going into hospital next week to practice steps/ stairs , as living in a flat I don't have any.
Spamar, glad you are home safely. Hope you don't ache too much today from all that driving.
Ann, I've been trying to catch up with your new job. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it continues to go well for you.
I am thinking of the rest of you... but there is sooo much to read and catch up on.
OOO I forgot to say....
As she was leaving SiL 'doubled back' and came to he doorstep, and said .....
'You know when you get back it visiting MiL, it would do you no harm in giving 'us all' a ring after your visits, to let us know how she is. She then stomped off.
I said ... UUUh, what about YOU actually getting of your backside and visiting her yourself !!
She was fuming and didn't reply, but I knew she heard me by the look on her face.
Have a good day xx
I've had another sleepless night, not with pain from my knee, but MiL worries.
Amy thank you for your comments, its fine, no upset caused. I agree.
I am staying strong, keeping to my word, MiL WILL NOT be coming here to live with me.
Nor will she 'when the time comes' be deposited in an EMI near me.
A move is 100% definitely on the cards for me. Its going to be difficult to find something similar.
I was talking to my sister at the weekend, and she said when I move back down South,
'we will have you speaking with a Cornish accent before you know it.
Physio is pleased with me. Not so pleased that I took a 'wee drive' and didn't ring to tell her.
It was only to my little parade of shops down the road, not into town.
You can park in front, not a great deal of 'walking', and I only bought what I could carry in my shoulder bag.
Going into hospital next week to practice steps/ stairs , as living in a flat I don't have any.
Spamar, glad you are home safely. Hope you don't ache too much today from all that driving.
Ann, I've been trying to catch up with your new job. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it continues to go well for you.
I am thinking of the rest of you... but there is sooo much to read and catch up on.
OOO I forgot to say....
As she was leaving SiL 'doubled back' and came to he doorstep, and said .....
'You know when you get back it visiting MiL, it would do you no harm in giving 'us all' a ring after your visits, to let us know how she is. She then stomped off.
I said ... UUUh, what about YOU actually getting of your backside and visiting her yourself !!
She was fuming and didn't reply, but I knew she heard me by the look on her face.
Have a good day xx
Lol Celia - I may give that excuse a try!
To be fair, OH stayed up all Sunday night, in prep for going on shift on Monday night, and he got through most of the washing and ironing, cleaned the kitchen and dining room and brushed, mopped and polished all downstairs - so relieved to see it all done, Monday morning - especially as he still isn't feeling 100%.
Spamar - glad you are home OK, and hope you have recovered from that long drive, hun xxxx
Slugsta, about 12 months before Mil moved in, we went through a phase of her phoning us and claiming to be 'very ill' - we would go flying down there, and she would often be quite open about the fact that she had only said that to get us to visit "being as you haven't been near me for weeks and I could do with some company, you know!" - she would have forgotten that we had visited the day before, or that we had already arranged that we would be taking her shopping the day after. It got to the stage where we would occasionally call her bluff and tell her we couldn't get down - if she then turned nasty and abusive, accusing us of ignoring her, or avoiding her, or abandoning her - we knew it was a ruse, and we wouldn't go. Oddly, if she was guneuinely poorly, she would be upset but not nasty and that would be our cue to get down to her. But, as you say, even when you KNOW that a visit isn't really essential, the old GM still gives you a hard time
I'd love to know where all the missing items manage to vanish too, Amy ! Mil is missing so much stuff - including a lot of bra's, half a dozen pairs of trousers and some brand new nightwear I'm assuming that the missing stuff has gone home with another patient, TBH - based on how often I find other's clothes mixed up with Mil's washing (4 pairs of knickers today, 2 tops last time!) I reckon it could well be the answer
Glad your girl enjoyed her race, JM - hoping that her enjoying it so much means she feels a lot better. I was lucky that Mil loved a lot of iron rich food - liver, red meat, cabbage, sprouts, leeks - it helped reduce the need for the tablets.
I've applied the 'work to rule' to my youngest, in a way notsogooddtr! So sick of her not bringing washing down, that I've said I will go into her room to remove towels - but will leave everything else and she can also do her own ironing. She did an amazing impression of a right 'Kevin' when I told her But, yes - I have enough on my plate at the moment and I am feeling very overwhelmed.
IT stuff going slowly but surely - some hitches and glitches, hoping to have all ironed out by Thursday, when I have the whole day to start on the admin side. I've kept copious notes and tips very carefully, so have fingers crossed that I won't find it too hard to sort everything.
Now the bad news. We have had a massive set back. Wasn't able to speak to anyone who knew anything about the assessment or the home, at the hospital yesterday (Still full of a rotten cold so can't actually go in) so rang this morning. Got given the message that the home have said they won't be coming out at the moment - as they have no beds available I rang the home and the manager said that a 'colleague' had assessed another potential resident before she had had chance to go and see Mil - and given the bed to this other person. She added that there was 'never any guarantee' that the bed would be Mils. I was furious, but stayed reasonably polite and said that obviously both I and my husband had misunderstood - from our conversation with her, we had both thought that subject to assessment, we had said we would definitely take that place for Mil. She apologised (fat lot of good that flipping does!) and told me that she was sorry we had 'thought' that, but that she was afraid that they didn't have a bed at the moment, and basically, as all her residents are currently in good health, she didn't know when she would have a place for Mil.
I was just lost for words. And I haven't really a clue what to do. As promised, i phoned the hospital and I'm afraid I lost it a bit - I said if it wasn't too much trouble (and yes, the sarcasm was obvious) please could someone get a message to whoever Mil's current social worker is and tell him or her that we would actually really like the support that we were told we would get from Social Workers at the discharge meeting? You know - to help us find her a suitable place that preferably didn't mean a 3 hour round trip to just visit her? If it wouldn't be too much trouble for a social worker to actually ring? And advise? Like they are paid to do?
OH doesn't yet know - as I said, he is still feeling rough, and went to bed after finishing a shift, before I rang the hospital and the home. Dreading telling him - he has said that he has felt such relief since we 'got' that bed for her - only now we haven't 'got' anything and are back to square one
Meanwhile, called briefly at the hospital after this mornings meetings, and was given one bulging full bag, and one not quite so full bag of washing - thankfully, wet stuff bagged separately within the main bag - but, as I said, containing undies that don't belong to Mil. It was a real effort not to get on the phone and scream - but if I had, I know it would have been more to do with frustration and anger at the home business, than to do with the laundry - so I've resisited temptation.
Right - lunch break over - back to emails and trying to find my way around the admin side.
Take care everyone x
To be fair, OH stayed up all Sunday night, in prep for going on shift on Monday night, and he got through most of the washing and ironing, cleaned the kitchen and dining room and brushed, mopped and polished all downstairs - so relieved to see it all done, Monday morning - especially as he still isn't feeling 100%.
Spamar - glad you are home OK, and hope you have recovered from that long drive, hun xxxx
Slugsta, about 12 months before Mil moved in, we went through a phase of her phoning us and claiming to be 'very ill' - we would go flying down there, and she would often be quite open about the fact that she had only said that to get us to visit "being as you haven't been near me for weeks and I could do with some company, you know!" - she would have forgotten that we had visited the day before, or that we had already arranged that we would be taking her shopping the day after. It got to the stage where we would occasionally call her bluff and tell her we couldn't get down - if she then turned nasty and abusive, accusing us of ignoring her, or avoiding her, or abandoning her - we knew it was a ruse, and we wouldn't go. Oddly, if she was guneuinely poorly, she would be upset but not nasty and that would be our cue to get down to her. But, as you say, even when you KNOW that a visit isn't really essential, the old GM still gives you a hard time
I'd love to know where all the missing items manage to vanish too, Amy ! Mil is missing so much stuff - including a lot of bra's, half a dozen pairs of trousers and some brand new nightwear
I'm assuming that the missing stuff has gone home with another patient, TBH - based on how often I find other's clothes mixed up with Mil's washing (4 pairs of knickers today, 2 tops last time!) I reckon it could well be the answer Glad your girl enjoyed her race, JM - hoping that her enjoying it so much means she feels a lot better. I was lucky that Mil loved a lot of iron rich food - liver, red meat, cabbage, sprouts, leeks - it helped reduce the need for the tablets.
I've applied the 'work to rule' to my youngest, in a way notsogooddtr! So sick of her not bringing washing down, that I've said I will go into her room to remove towels - but will leave everything else and she can also do her own ironing. She did an amazing impression of a right 'Kevin' when I told her
But, yes - I have enough on my plate at the moment and I am feeling very overwhelmed.IT stuff going slowly but surely - some hitches and glitches, hoping to have all ironed out by Thursday, when I have the whole day to start on the admin side. I've kept copious notes and tips very carefully, so have fingers crossed that I won't find it too hard to sort everything.
Now the bad news. We have had a massive set back. Wasn't able to speak to anyone who knew anything about the assessment or the home, at the hospital yesterday (Still full of a rotten cold so can't actually go in) so rang this morning. Got given the message that the home have said they won't be coming out at the moment - as they have no beds available
I rang the home and the manager said that a 'colleague' had assessed another potential resident before she had had chance to go and see Mil - and given the bed to this other person. She added that there was 'never any guarantee' that the bed would be Mils. I was furious, but stayed reasonably polite and said that obviously both I and my husband had misunderstood - from our conversation with her, we had both thought that subject to assessment, we had said we would definitely take that place for Mil. She apologised (fat lot of good that flipping does!) and told me that she was sorry we had 'thought' that, but that she was afraid that they didn't have a bed at the moment, and basically, as all her residents are currently in good health, she didn't know when she would have a place for Mil. I was just lost for words. And I haven't really a clue what to do. As promised, i phoned the hospital and I'm afraid I lost it a bit - I said if it wasn't too much trouble (and yes, the sarcasm was obvious) please could someone get a message to whoever Mil's current social worker is and tell him or her that we would actually really like the support that we were told we would get from Social Workers at the discharge meeting? You know - to help us find her a suitable place that preferably didn't mean a 3 hour round trip to just visit her? If it wouldn't be too much trouble for a social worker to actually ring? And advise? Like they are paid to do?
OH doesn't yet know - as I said, he is still feeling rough, and went to bed after finishing a shift, before I rang the hospital and the home. Dreading telling him - he has said that he has felt such relief since we 'got' that bed for her - only now we haven't 'got' anything and are back to square one
Meanwhile, called briefly at the hospital after this mornings meetings, and was given one bulging full bag, and one not quite so full bag of washing - thankfully, wet stuff bagged separately within the main bag - but, as I said, containing undies that don't belong to Mil. It was a real effort not to get on the phone and scream - but if I had, I know it would have been more to do with frustration and anger at the home business, than to do with the laundry - so I've resisited temptation.
Right - lunch break over - back to emails and trying to find my way around the admin side.
Take care everyone x
For anyone who needs it
And a safer way to get rid of stress as its virtual
Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
And a safer way to get rid of stress as its virtual
Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
OMG, how can they do such things, and then say they are sorry you misunderstood!! And what can you do about it? Well, take 2jays and nitrams advice!! What a way to run a home, left hand and right hand doesn't come into it!
I am just do sorry for you and Mr Mac, he will be so devastated!
I am just do sorry for you and Mr Mac, he will be so devastated!
Ann - it must feel like the rug has been pulled from under you, given how much you liked the home. To get your hopes up and then dash them seems very poor management. I presume you are keeping MIL on a waiting list at the home, as a place may come up for many reasons.
On the plus side, at least MIL is relatively settled and safe in the hospital for now.
On the plus side, at least MIL is relatively settled and safe in the hospital for now.
Afternoon,
Spamar, hope you are OK and not suffering after your long drive.
(((Grace))) I'm so sorry that MIL issues deprived you of sleep Your SIL really does have a nerve, doesn't she? The sooner you are away from that area, the better!
JM, I'm very glad that your lass enjoyed her race and hope that is a sign that she is generally getting better.
Amy, I hope you are able to get a bit of time to yourself now that your Mum has moved into her new room.
(((Ann))) it's hard to believe that anyone could go through all this and still keep their sanity! That you have retained not only your sanity but also your sense of fairness says much for you. However, we here are very aware that you are not quite Wonder Woman and know how these things drag you down. I'm so sorry that you have had another knock back and that the NH got your hopes up in this way, only to dash them again
Well done Mr Ann for getting to grips with the cleaning! I know that he works long hours and was unwell, so her deserves a gold star for that. I do think you are right in getting your daughter to do her share. I believe your 'job' is to bring her up to stand on her own feet, not to do everything for her.
Hubby went off to France with his friend yesterday evening and will be back on Sunday. It's a regular autumn trip for them and I really enjoy my time Home Alone. Alfie and Sky appreciate the extra room on the bed too I haven't told Mum that he is away - otherwise she would suggest that I should spend more time with her 'so that you don't get lonely'! She has spent some decades living alone and doesn't realise just how much I value time and space to myself.
Sending much love to everyone, including those I didn't mention above. I don't want to risk an exhaustive list for fear of upsetting someone I miss!
Spamar, hope you are OK and not suffering after your long drive.
(((Grace))) I'm so sorry that MIL issues deprived you of sleep
Your SIL really does have a nerve, doesn't she? The sooner you are away from that area, the better!JM, I'm very glad that your lass enjoyed her race and hope that is a sign that she is generally getting better.
Amy, I hope you are able to get a bit of time to yourself now that your Mum has moved into her new room.
(((Ann))) it's hard to believe that anyone could go through all this and still keep their sanity! That you have retained not only your sanity but also your sense of fairness says much for you. However, we here are very aware that you are not quite Wonder Woman and know how these things drag you down. I'm so sorry that you have had another knock back and that the NH got your hopes up in this way, only to dash them again
Well done Mr Ann for getting to grips with the cleaning! I know that he works long hours and was unwell, so her deserves a gold star for that. I do think you are right in getting your daughter to do her share. I believe your 'job' is to bring her up to stand on her own feet, not to do everything for her.
Hubby went off to France with his friend yesterday evening and will be back on Sunday. It's a regular autumn trip for them and I really enjoy my time Home Alone. Alfie and Sky appreciate the extra room on the bed too
I haven't told Mum that he is away - otherwise she would suggest that I should spend more time with her 'so that you don't get lonely'! She has spent some decades living alone and doesn't realise just how much I value time and space to myself.Sending much love to everyone, including those I didn't mention above. I don't want to risk an exhaustive list for fear of upsetting someone I miss!
Regarding the washing, Ann, I'd be tempted to do a LOT of things. Sorry you're still having so much annoyance with that.
I wonder if I can franchise the Winebulance here in the States?
Ann, I'm so sorry about the placement at the home and the idiocy surrounding it all. Even if was just a misunderstanding/miscommunication, in your place, I would feel absolutely gutted. I haven't any brilliant advice (other than what you know, get her on the waiting list pronto, you never know when a bed will come available).
It's fine you called the hospital and chewed them out! They won't change what they do, if nobody ever gives them feedback. They still may not, but at least you tried.
Ann, I know Mister Mac will be upset, but he is unlikely to shoot the messenger. It's not your fault, not that it's comforting to hear that, because none of what any of us are dealing with is our fault, and yet we still have to bear the brunt of it.
Sending you many (((((hugs))))) and all sorts of good wishes. And a visit from the IT fairy! She will beat her microchip-encrusted wings, alight daintily on your monitor, and all will be magically fixed, faster than you can count "1, 2, 3" in binary code! And if she doesn't show up, a visit from the Winebulance. Red, white, or fizzy?
p.s. would it help if we took a survey of when we all started doing our own laundry, to prove to your daughter that she's not the only one on the planet who has to look after her own things? Probably not, since teenagers seem to lack the "perspective" part of their frontal lobe, but I'm sure it's tempting. Do you suppose she'll have an attitude breakthrough the first time something she wants to wear isn't clean because she hasn't done her washing? Or just a fit?
I wonder if I can franchise the Winebulance here in the States?
Ann, I'm so sorry about the placement at the home and the idiocy surrounding it all. Even if was just a misunderstanding/miscommunication, in your place, I would feel absolutely gutted. I haven't any brilliant advice (other than what you know, get her on the waiting list pronto, you never know when a bed will come available).
It's fine you called the hospital and chewed them out! They won't change what they do, if nobody ever gives them feedback. They still may not, but at least you tried.
Ann, I know Mister Mac will be upset, but he is unlikely to shoot the messenger. It's not your fault, not that it's comforting to hear that, because none of what any of us are dealing with is our fault, and yet we still have to bear the brunt of it.
Sending you many (((((hugs))))) and all sorts of good wishes. And a visit from the IT fairy! She will beat her microchip-encrusted wings, alight daintily on your monitor, and all will be magically fixed, faster than you can count "1, 2, 3" in binary code! And if she doesn't show up, a visit from the Winebulance. Red, white, or fizzy?
p.s. would it help if we took a survey of when we all started doing our own laundry, to prove to your daughter that she's not the only one on the planet who has to look after her own things? Probably not, since teenagers seem to lack the "perspective" part of their frontal lobe, but I'm sure it's tempting. Do you suppose she'll have an attitude breakthrough the first time something she wants to wear isn't clean because she hasn't done her washing? Or just a fit?
Amy, I don't know if you are aware that teenagers' frontal lobes are not well developed? It is a genuine reason for some of their behaviour as the frontal lobe is involved with judgement, impulse control, problem solving and much more!
My mum, who specialised in passive aggression and martyrdom, stopped doing my laundry when I was 14. Fair enough, but she didn't tell me. I discovered one day that I had no clean clothes and when I went to look in the laundry basket in the bathroom I found clothes that I had put in there over the past 2 weeks.
I knew washing had been done that week because I was expected to peg it out and take it in, as and when needed. No Kevin behaviour would have been tolerated. If you were told to fetch in the washing, or put it in the airing cupboard, you did it. Or rather I did it. My brothers were not expected to do women's work.
I asked my mum why my washing hadn't been done. "It's high time you did your own, I just wanted to see how long it was before you noticed." See, fires of burning resentment had obviously been smouldering for some while, but wouldn't it have been easier just to discuss it?
I knew washing had been done that week because I was expected to peg it out and take it in, as and when needed. No Kevin behaviour would have been tolerated. If you were told to fetch in the washing, or put it in the airing cupboard, you did it. Or rather I did it. My brothers were not expected to do women's work.
I asked my mum why my washing hadn't been done. "It's high time you did your own, I just wanted to see how long it was before you noticed." See, fires of burning resentment had obviously been smouldering for some while, but wouldn't it have been easier just to discuss it?
