2pm confusion every single day, ideas?

[Bambini]

Hello lovely people. My mum has had AZ about 4 years now, it's been awful but recently I'm just out of ideas. For the past 2 weeks at 2pm she wants to go home. We have a normal (ish) morning, enough to cope with but the afternoons are terrible. She screams at me, shouts even kicks demanding to go home. Says I'm lying, I'm a stranger etc etc. I know it will happen today. I live with my mum, there is only us. No family or friends I can call on. I've written it down, photos, nothing works. I start off calm but by 5pm I'm exhausted and emotional.
Is this what sundowning is? I just don't know what to do, what to say or who to turn to. I do everything for mum, I love her to bits but I just want to run away these days.
Waffling, sorry, any ideas gratefully received xxx




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[Izzy]

I'm sorry you and your mother are experiencing this. It does sound very much like sundowning.

My mother suffered from this too but not as regularly as you describe. It was indeed exhausting and scary. I wondered if you had talked to your mum's GP about this. It might be possible to get a referral to a CPN (Community Psychiatric Nurse) if there's not one involved already.

My mum ended up being prescribed the lowest dose of Respiridone. It did take the edge off it a bit. It may not suit everybody though.

Do you have any support in caring for your mum?

 

[Bambini]

Thanks Izzy. No, we don't have any outside care and the council has just stopped finding Admiral Nurses too. Mum doesn't want anyone in the house apart from me. I also work from home but can't remember last time I made it to my office! I'll go and see GP as you suggest......may get an appointment in a few weeks! I'll google the drug you mention, she is only on Mermantine currently.
Thank you x


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[Izzy]

Good luck Bambini.

 

[LadyA]

Bambini, can I ask, did your mum, even years ago, have any regular habit in the afternoons? Did she go to the shops? Collect children from school? Take a dog for a walk?
It might be worth trying, if she starts getting agitated at around the same time each day, to circumvent it, by getting her ready just before that, and taking her out for a short while. Just to the shops, to a cafe for a cup of tea, or a little walk around a park, and then home again.

 

[Shedrech]

Hi Bambini
I echo what has been said - have a chat with your mum's GP as meds may well help, they help my dad stay more settled so that he doesn't now generally become as anxious as you describe, though still needs lots of reassurance in the evenings

I'm concerned about you too

I love her to bits but I just want to run away these days.

I appreciate that your mum has said she "doesn't want anyone in the house apart from" you, and we all understand anyone's reluctance to have others in our home - YOU clearly need some support; going it completely alone becomes untenable, so maybe introducing some home care now may gradually gain some acceptance and give you a break from some of the tasks you do - it's your home too
maybe have a cleaner so you don't have that chore to worry about - my dad actually enjoyed having someone clean the house as it was a lovely lady to chat to, and I didn't mind that some of her time was taken up with being social with him - you might introduce someone as a friend who needs a bit of pocket money to tide her over and you hate housework so it's good for you too - maybe also a carer in the mornings to get your mum up and ready - I found having that time to just see to myself was a real boon, and again, dad mostly enjoyed the different company (if he wasn't cajoled into having a shower he did at least manage a good wash each day) - same with bedtime, it was useful to have the trigger that it was time for bed, not just me saying it

best wishes

PS I hope you have claimed Attendance Allowance - I guess you don't qualify for Carer's Allowance? and a reduction in Council Tax

 

[Tin]

My mum used to do the same, at 1pm it started and by the end of the afternoon, like you I was exhausted. Like someone has already suggested, change your 'outing' time, I did and although it didn't stop, she was still a little anxious but she managed to control it because we were outside with people and on way home, she would fall asleep in the car. When we got home there was still some anxiety but not as extreme and by 6pm reasonably calm. I spent a year swopping and changing our outing times.

The wanting to go home feeling is still with her in the afternoons, but definitely not as extreme and it is easier for me to ignore and therefore cope with it. We are back to going out in the mornings for a few hours and this suits me because it means I can get on with all work in house for the rest of the day.

 

[Bambini]

Thank you for the ideas and the time you have taken to reply. Mum doesn't walk well at all and struggles to get in and out of my car. The idea of a friend needing to make cash is a good one and I may be able to get that one past her! Bed making, washing, dressing all takes time!
Yes, mum has attendance allowance and a reduction on council tax but I don't get carers allowance. Thank you for the thought. I guess I am determined to "go it alone" as it makes her so angry if I suggest help. One day I'll have to get help.
So the witching hour is nearly upon me, lovely sunny day, going to get her in garden to do something different. Fingers crossed. Thank you everyone. Much appreciated x


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[HillyBilly]

Fingers crossed for you Bambini x

 

[LadyA]

You could adopt a sling for a few days to introduce some help, if necessary! "I need the help mum. Can't manage with my poor arm!" ;-)

 

[Bambini]

Just seen your comment LadyA. Made me laugh, thank you! Fab idea too ;-)


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