Sharing a room in a care home

[Beanz]

Hi,
My mother has dementia, her husband who had been caring for her has decided the time has come for her to go into care. A space became available in our chosen home and she was moved in a couple of weeks ago, after a week they moved her into a shared un-carpeted room because of incontinence over night.
I had my concerns about this, mum had been understandably agitated and disorientated moving in to the home and was spending much of her time just wandering around and expecting to leave when ever anyone visited. my family were unconcerned about the shared room as she didn't spend much time in her room anyway but I wondered whether as she settles in she will value a bit of personal space a bit more.
I put my concerns to the staff at the home who said not to worry as dementia patients start to value the company of others and feel like they have done something wrong if you start to isolate them -I'm wondering if this is true and acceptable or whether it's a convenient argument for them to get an extra bed filled. I would value anyone's experiences on how dementia affects a persons need for personal space.
I did speak to my mother about it but she wasn't really able to communicate her feelings and I suspect she doesn't really understand that this could be a permanent arrangement.

Thanks in advance for any thoughts/experiences.
Beanz

 

[LadyA]

Initially, my husband was in a shared room, as there wasn't a single available. However, his situation was different. As part of his dementia, he suffered paranoia, hallucinations & delusions. Although this was kept very well under control by medication, and he was no longer terrified by it all, he did occasionally still see & hear things. The man sharing his room was terribly quiet. He only left the room for meals. Spent all day lying on his bed watching tv wouldn't join activities, engage in anything, go for exercise other than when he was brought out for physio or staff took him by the hand and more or less made him walk around the home, which they did a few times a day. He never spoke either. I know it was the dementia, but tbh, he wasn't the best companion for my husband. I would see my husband looking at him from the corner of his eye. And I realised that my husband wasn't sure if the man was real or not. He thought he was a hallucination. So, I asked for William to be moved to a single room when one became available, and he was, and was much happier having his own little bolt hole that he could retreat to. If he wanted company, he went to the lounge, or walked around the nursing home chatting to all and sundry.

 

[fizzie]

I haven't heard the line about sharing a room because they need the company of others. This is clearly a cost saving exercise. Most people have dementia and that doesn't change the person that they are - they are unlikely to want company of a stranger in the bedroom, most people value privacy and if they want company there are plenty of places to find company in a care home.

I would absolutely not accept it, I would insist on a single, carpeted room with an en suite which is the expectation these days and I wouldn't listen to the tosh that they are giving you. You can be sure they are charging the LA probably £10 less for a shared room and your lovely relative is putting up with company 24/7 whether she wants it or not. I think they are taking advantage - big time!

 

[Beate]

Every person with dementia is different, and to make sweeping statements about them like they all love company is just lazy imho. Everyone has a different personality, some people are introvert, some are extrovert, then throw dementia into the mix and these character traits might either intensify or go completely the other way, so who is to say whether someone would like to share a room or not? Personally, I think every human being should be allowed their own space to which they can retreat, and I would hate a shared room. Space problems in hospitals don't always allow for that, but in care homes it ought to be possible surely. Of course, someone might like to share for company and because they have fond memories of their time in a boarding school or the army, but you can't generalise that, and if dementia clouds your mind, would you want to wake up at night to the snores of a stranger? You can have plenty of company during the daytime if you want, but even then some people choose to isolate themselves.

 

[Shedrech]

Hi Beanz
a warm welcome to TP, where, as you've discovered you can come with any question and others will offer their ideas and experiences

I too think that these matters are individual and personal - you know your mum best and you know her husband and what he wants for your mum
if you believe your mum is better in a room to herself, let the home know that you will take up the next single room that is available - don't ask for their opinion (with which I disagree; there is no 'most') just make it clear that you are ready to help move your mum's things as soon as a room is available - probably easier to do if your mum is self-funding

my dad is now living in a care home and NEEDS his own room - he was always a private person and now, with the dementia, he does not tolerate noise or disturbances well so spends quite a bit of each day in his own room - he is upset if other residents get too close to him in the shared areas; he would find it intolerable to have someone else in his private room - actually, one way of helping to calm him when he does get agitated is to take him to his room and let him be on his own - he too was happy to be in the shared areas and the garden most of the time when he moved in; things change - dad was even moved to another room away from a resident who was clashing with him and unfortunately had the room next door

as for the carpet; the rooms in dad's home don't have carpet for hygiene reasons, they have lino on the floors and it's pleasant and none slippy underfoot
dad had been sleeping with only a duvet cover until the recent cooling with autumn arriving, as the home and the weather were too hot for a duvet - if your mum feels the cold, though, you are right to ask for the duvet to be in a cover and on the bed for nightime (dad's duvet sometimes disappears in the day for cleaning as he is incontinent)

best wishes

 

[chris53]

Afternoon Beanz,just wanted to welcome you to Talking Point, hope we can be of help now and in the future, you are right to be concerned as there does not seem to be a valid reason for putting your mother in a shared room because of a nighttime "accident" does this other room mate have this issue as well? if so it would be a rather unpleasant environment! and no privacy should you wish to see your mother in this room..the explaination given that anyone with dementia would value the company of others sounds rather like an excuse and just may be more of a money saving strategy which is unacceptable.
Hope you are given a proper and truthful explanation soon.
Take care and do keep posting
Chris

 

[sleepless]

I agree with others, this is not acceptable.
A care home is supposed to be a person's home, and if they didn't share their room with a stranger when living at home, why on earth should they in a care home?
For many people with dementia, with poor short-term memory, they would be waking every morning wondering why there was another person in their bedroom.
Be firm, and ask for a single room would be my advice.

 

[love.dad.but..]

I looked at 16 care homes not one offered shared rooms so it can't be the norm I would say. I would not accept a shared room for the same reasons as Sleepless it wouldn't be fair on my dad or the other person. Privacy ...personal care, using the toilet if has an en suite,visitor/resident privacy, dignity, the room in essence is their individual home and space, transmission of illness or germs, hygiene...pre dementia would that person have chosen shared bedroom with a stranger probably not...having a resident's own possessions helps them orientate to their room in the early care home days how will that happen if shared, dad is a night time pacer, sometimes incontinent but sometimes pees inappropriately how could someone be expected to share with my dad even if I thought it was a good idea which I strongly don't, dad is a solitary pwd he wouldn't be able to communicate his thoughts like your mum but that isn't to say she is accepting the situation just hasn't got the understanding or capacity to say I would not like to share.....the company angle from seeing residents in my dads care home such as dad as the illness progresses shows a lack of understanding in individual needs possibly by staff just that it suits them.....my goodness for me so many reasons for it to be unacceptable.

 

[Saffie]

A lot could depend on who is funding the care home. Around here, if the LA is subsidising the fees, it is difficult to find a nursing home that does not involve room sharing and even that requires a topup.
If your mother is self-funding then I would insist on a single room. I think my husband would have been really frightened if he'd had to share a room.

 

[cragmaid]

All I can add is that Dementia or no Dementia, if my Mum had to share a room she would not have gone into the Care Home. Her privacy was important to her and her paranoia would have exploded if she thought that someone could have been looking at her things. As her dementia increased she valued her privacy and also her dignity as much as her illness allowed. We spent a lot of time in her room and we would have had little time to ourselves if she had shared.. In her last days she knew nothing about dignity but would lie about on her bed with no jamas on!! So No, not suitable for room sharing.

 

[cobden28]

If you go away on holiday you don't expect to pay good money and then to have to share your hotel room with a stranger; certainly if you're paying privately for a relative to be in a care home then you shouldn't expect to have to put up with a shared room either.

 

[disi]

I totally agree with the others, no person going into a CH should be expected to share a room. That is completely out of the question. Everyone needs his/her privacy. Certainly here in Sweden no one is expected to share and everyone has their own en suite as standard practice.

I feel that the CH your mother is in they are just using an excuse to get more money for the extra room.

 

[Saffie]

It happens though and is another reason why it is better to be self-funding.

 

[fizzie]

It makes no difference whether someone is self funding or not - it is illegal to discriminate in that way

 

[Kevinl]

I looked at 8 or 10 homes and none had shared bedrooms (this is EMI nursing care).
My wife has a room of her own, en-suite with a TV provided and it does take people within the LA funded limit bracket, so not top end in terms of price.
I counted 9 staff there today 2 qualified and 7 carers but there may have been more, so nearly 3 residents to 1 staff.
As I say it's EMI nursing and there's no one in there I'd trust to share a room with to be honest or want my wife to more's the point.
I think that carpeted rooms are madness in some situations, when I see what happens to the lino I dread to think what a carpet would be like after just one week, OK in a residential home but the health risk and the increased fall risk on carpets isn't suited to the more advanced people.
K

 

[Kjn]

I know some homes residential I've seen are shared , it suits some , not necessarily with dementia, some offer emi care too.

A lot of homes here are renovated /extended/adapted large old houses in ground. Not many new build .
The home we would like for dad have been replacing carpets for Lino due to the tripped (shuffling residents ) .
As for ensuite , my dad wouldn't have a clue he had one or manage to use one as needs taken to toilet. I think he would more like have accidents in ensuite room, he wanders when wants toilet, the nurses know that now.

Dads room in hospital Is 2 bed room, he struggled with a room mate as couldnt decide if real or not. They've left dad alone in room for now and othe bed tucked away and facing other way rather than facing dad incase someone arrives.

There is a new home to be built replacing 3 closing , to have all ensuite, a restaurant etc.
No use to my dad as far as I can see.

 

[Saffie]

It makes no difference whether someone is self funding or not - it is illegal to discriminate in that way

I doubt it can be illegal and it is not discrimination. Just a case of there being insufficient homes whose costs fall into the remit of the LA funding allowance. I know of some people who actually prefer to share a room.

 

[Chemmy]

I don't see the need for a full en-suite either, as so often carers have to help the person and there isn't room.

Mum had her own loo and washbasin. However, she managed to flood the place three times by putting things down it, and she was always escorted to the main bathroom anyway. It was handy when I visited though

MIL has a washbasin in her room and doesn't seem at all bothered that the other facilities are communal.

My guess is that private facilities are more important to people in a CH who have physical disabilities and are far more aware of their surroundings.

 

[Saffie]

I think my husband's ensuite was very helpful and certainly made things much easier staff, though as he was unable to weight bear on his remaining leg, was hoisted everywhere and was in bed for 20 out of 24 hours, it was of no use to him. I found it useful too!

 

[sleepless]

When as a family we looked into care homes for my mum in 2004, and dad in 2010, none had shared rooms.