OH escaping from Care Home - Help!

[JigJog]

Hi,

I really don't know which way to turn at the moment. Can anyone help please?

OH is 65, diagnosed 3 years ago with probable Alzheimer's, physically very fit and an obsessive walker.

Life has become very challenging for me recently as he likes to walk 6 miles in the morning, 3 in the afternoon and then wants to go out again in the evening!

It was ok when he could pop his tracker round his neck and go off on his own, but when I started to have problems with him weeing and pooing in people's gardens and children's playgrounds, he had to be accompanied.

I couldn't do it, I was exhausted. I have paid agency carers to walk with him but they don't want to be walking 6 miles in all weathers. None of them stick with it.

After much agonising and from the point of view of complete exhaustion, I decided to take up a place for him in a specialist dementia home, where they said they would walk with him. In addition to this, I would go in and walk with him too some days.

He went in yesterday morning. It was on a month's trial. I thought I could at least get a break.By teatime, he had already insisted on being taken out for two walks.

I've just rung and he has climbed the fence and escaped twice today, trying to go for a walk! When they took him out for a walk, he tried to drop his trousers to poo on the pavement.

What do I do?

If I bring him home, I can't keep walking with him. I'm dead on my knees.

If I try to find agency carers, I can't cope with them keep letting me down. They don't like walking such long distances, in the pouring rain at breakneck speed!!

So what should I do?

I don't want him to come home and for this to eventually end up with a crisis, sectioning etc. I'd hoped I could be a bit more proactive and avoid this with forethought.

Any ideas please?

JigJog x

 

[Bunpoots]

Hi JigJog,

I can feel the desperation in your post. I'd be desperate too!

I think if I were in your situation I would leave him in the care home for the months trial. If they can't cope with him how can you on your own? Don't be too hard on yourself. You need this time to think and recuperate. I'm sorry I can't think of any solutions for you. Maybe someone with a wiser head than me will be along soon.

Don't forget that's he has only been there since yesterday. It'll take time for him to settle. They'll probably find a way to keep him occupied better as they get to know him.

I hope it works out for you. Just give it time and look after yourself for now.

 

[pamann]

Hello jig jog, your husband is a mirror to mine, he would be gone for 5 or 6 hours walking, l used to phone the police they always bought him back, one year ago he went in to a CH, the first day he went into the garden and jumped over the fence, the police found him 2 miles away, it took 3hrs to get him back into the CH, he has done it 3 times since. Don't worry about it they will cope with him, he will not be aloud out in the garden, one of the carer's will watch him, your husband will be ok, mine was on a 3 month trial, medication will calm him down, l could not look after my husband anymore, l had carer's breakdown. I did take my husband out for short walks everyday, after a month the meds slowed him down, now he can hardly get out of a chair. He did try to get out his bedroom window a couple of months ago. Don't have him back home l have now got used to being on my own and having my freedom, l do visit everyday to do his personal care, as he won't let the carer's do it. If the home refuses to keep him there the authorities will find a EMI home for him.

 

[JigJog]

Hi JigJog,

I can feel the desperation in your post. I'd be desperate too!

I think if I were in your situation I would leave him in the care home for the months trial. If they can't cope with him how can you on your own? Don't be too hard on yourself. You need this time to think and recuperate. I'm sorry I can't think of any solutions for you. Maybe someone with a wiser head than me will be along soon.

Don't forget that's he has only been there since yesterday. It'll take time for him to settle. They'll probably find a way to keep him occupied better as they get to know him.

I hope it works out for you. Just give it time and look after yourself for now.

Awww thanks Bunpoots. Such kind words.

Ive just spoken to him on the phone; heartbreaking.

 

[JigJog]

Hello jig jog, your husband is a mirror to mine, he would be gone for 5 or 6 hours walking, l used to phone the police they always bought him back, one year ago he went in to a CH, the first day he went into the garden and jumped over the fence, the police found him 2 miles away, it took 3hrs to get him back into the CH, he has done it 3 times since. Don't worry about it they will cope with him, he will not be aloud out in the garden, one of the carer's will watch him, your husband will be ok, mine was on a 3 month trial, medication will calm him down, l could not look after my husband anymore, l had carer's breakdown. I did take my husband out for short walks everyday, after a month the meds slowed him down, now he can hardly get out of a chair. He did try to get out his bedroom window a couple of months ago. Don't have him back home l have now got used to being on my own and having my freedom, l do visit everyday to do his personal care, as he won't let the carer's do it. If the home refuses to keep him there the authorities will find a EMI home for him.

Oh Pam,

I hadn't realised that you'd been through this with your OH. Your words have given me such comfort.

I know that bringing him home isn't the answer. I'm just opening the gate for more problems in the future. I just have to get my head around it all.

Thank you!

 

[HillyBilly]

So sorry for your stress.
Has anyone tried him on a treadmill to walk his miles?
Maybe a non starter...

 

[Aisling]

Hi,

I really don't know which way to turn at the moment. Can anyone help please?

OH is 65, diagnosed 3 years ago with probable Alzheimer's, physically very fit and an obsessive walker.

Life has become very challenging for me recently as he likes to walk 6 miles in the morning, 3 in the afternoon and then wants to go out again in the evening!

It was ok when he could pop his tracker round his neck and go off on his own, but when I started to have problems with him weeing and pooing in people's gardenms and children's playgrounds, he had to be accompanied.

I couldn't do it, I was exhausted. I have paid agency carers to walk with him but they don't want to be walking 6 miles in all weathers. None of them stick with it.

After much agonising and from the point of view of complete exhaustion, I decided to take up a place for him in a specialist dementia home, where they said they would walk with him. In addition to this, I would go in and walk with him too some days.

He went in yesterday morning. It was on a month's trial. I thought I could at least get a break.By teatime, he had already insisted on being taken out for two walks.

I've just rung and he has climbed the fence and escaped twice today, trying to go for a walk! When they took him out for a walk, he tried to drop his trousers to poo on the pavement.

What do I do?

If I bring him home, I can't keep walking with him. I'm dead on my knees.

If I try to find agency carers, I can't cope with them keep letting me down. They don't like walking such long distances, in the pouring rain at breakneck speed!!

So what should I do?

I don't want him to come home and for this to eventually end up with a crisis, sectioning etc. I'd hoped I could be a bit more proactive and avoid this with forethought.

Any ideas please?

JigJog x

Hi jigJog,

You can't care for your husband at home. Please give it time for him to settle into his Nursing Home. It is early days. It is a specialist unit so staff have the skills and knowledge. Of course they will keep you informed but am sure climbing gates, personal hygiene issues etc are not new to them. There's problems are part of this awful disease.

I was in a meltdown last night re my OH.

Sending you support,

Aisling

 

[JigJog]

So sorry for your stress.
Has anyone tried him on a treadmill to walk his miles?
Maybe a non starter...

It's certainly a thought HB. I tend to think he needs to be out in the fresh air but I'm going to give that idea more thought, thank you.

 

[JigJog]

Thanks to Sarahdun and Aisling.

I spoke to him tonight and I think he's bored. Apart from one very short walk today, he has done nothing but sit.

When we arrived yesterday and were waiting for his room to be prepared, OH was talking to another resident about walking and activities. The other man said, 'You need to get used to it. There's just nothing to do but sit and stare into space!' I looked around and there they all were. I was there several hours and no one did anything.

I was told tonight that he'd eaten two cooked breakfasts and three full lunches! He gorges when he's bored. I've asked them to control how much he's eating. I've worked so hard to reverse his type2 diabetes. It's going to all go to pot if we're not careful.

I asked about activities and he was right; no one had done anything with him today.

It's so hard to trust and let go. One day at a time and make the most of the break, just in case!

 

[pamann]

Hello jigjog, when my husband went into CH l did not visit for 2 weeks, l was advised not to so that he could settle. All CH's have special diets for diabetics, so don't worry. I bought a exersize bike for my husband, he would not use it, saying he had no where to go on it. He did join in with most of the activities, they also have lots of entertainment, and singalongs. Maybe not all homes have it. What sort of CH is your husband in, residential, EMI or Nursing home ?

 

[JigJog]

Hello jigjog, when my husband went into CH l did not visit for 2 weeks, l was advised not to so that he could settle. All CH's have special diets for diabetics, so don't worry. I bought a exersize bike for my husband, he would not use it, saying he had no where to go on it. He did join in with most of the activities, they also have lots of entertainment, and singalongs. Maybe not all homes have it. What sort of CH is your husband in, residential, EMI or Nursing home ?

Hi Pam,
He's in a 'dementia care home with nursing.'

They all vary don't they in their approach. I've been encouraged to visit straight away and to speak to him on the phone, when I can't visit.

I haven't seen of any activities so far and when I asked what OH had been doing yesterday, it was just watching TV.

Early days. I'll see.

JigJog x

 

[joggyb]

Hi Pam,
He's in a 'dementia care home with nursing.'

They all vary don't they in their approach. I've been encouraged to visit straight away and to speak to him on the phone, when I can't visit.

I haven't seen of any activities so far and when I asked what OH had been doing yesterday, it was just watching TV.

Early days. I'll see.

JigJog x

Hi JigJog

Your OH sounds similar to my Dad when he first went into care. He, too, was used to walking miles each day, and cycling. And suddenly - nothing.

He escaped twice in the first couple of months, and it was all rather difficult for a while.

But the reality is that - sad to say - he soon got used to the reduced levels of activity and, in any case, he declined so quickly, too, that his drive for exercise and his ability to walk far or fast diminished at a similar rate.

He is still mobile, 2 years on, but lacks the initiative to escape or the physical ability. Like many with Alzheimer's and/or other and mixed dementias, he has become much less coordinated, shuffly, and slow.

I suppose what I'm trying to say is that this is unlikely to be a problem forever. In the meantime, though, I do appreciate that nothing seems to be happening for him as far as activities are concerned. I think this is a common problem, too. My Dad was never interested in just sitting and watching TV, painting, karaoke, bingo, or similar group activities typical of care homes. And he has never made that adjustment, preferring to sit on his own, wander up and down the corridors, and/or engage (as far as he is able) with staff.

But to help cover the times that I can't be there, and in recognition of the fact that care home staff can't give him much 1-2-1 time, I've engaged agency care staff to visit him 4 times a week - just to be with him, chat with him, and look through books with him (something he still likes to do). By all accounts, it's an arrangement that's worked reasonably well, and helps keep him from getting too frustrated or down. Is it something that you could put in place for your OH?

And I do think it's worth considering a treadmill or exercise bike, as someone else has suggested. It might just help, even if it means OH doesn't get the fresh air he'd like. Frankly, anything you think of is worth trying - go with your gut. He's your OH, and you know him best.

Good luck.

 

[JigJog]

Hi JigJog

Your OH sounds similar to my Dad when he first went into care. He, too, was used to walking miles each day, and cycling. And suddenly - nothing.

He escaped twice in the first couple of months, and it was all rather difficult for a while.

But the reality is that - sad to say - he soon got used to the reduced levels of activity and, in any case, he declined so quickly, too, that his drive for exercise and his ability to walk far or fast diminished at a similar rate.

He is still mobile, 2 years on, but lacks the initiative to escape or the physical ability. Like many with Alzheimer's and/or other and mixed dementias, he has become much less coordinated, shuffly, and slow.

I suppose what I'm trying to say is that this is unlikely to be a problem forever. In the meantime, though, I do appreciate that nothing seems to be happening for him as far as activities are concerned. I think this is a common problem, too. My Dad was never interested in just sitting and watching TV, painting, karaoke, bingo, or similar group activities typical of care homes. And he has never made that adjustment, preferring to sit on his own, wander up and down the corridors, and/or engage (as far as he is able) with staff.

But to help cover the times that I can't be there, and in recognition of the fact that care home staff can't give him much 1-2-1 time, I've engaged agency care staff to visit him 4 times a week - just to be with him, chat with him, and look through books with him (something he still likes to do). By all accounts, it's an arrangement that's worked reasonably well, and helps keep him from getting too frustrated or down. Is it something that you could put in place for your OH?

And I do think it's worth considering a treadmill or exercise bike, as someone else has suggested. It might just help, even if it means OH doesn't get the fresh air he'd like. Frankly, anything you think of is worth trying - go with your gut. He's your OH, and you know him best.

Good luck.

Hi Joggyb,

Bringing in agency care staff is an excellent idea! I'd have never thought of that. They could take him out for a walk when I can't.

I like the idea of an exercise bike too.

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply and offer help. There's certainly food for thought there.

Thank you!
JigJogx

 

[Kevinl]

Just my opinion, but treadmills and go nowhere bikes are pretty boring unless you have a TV in front of you or some music playing in your ears, it's a bit like ironing for me, I can do it with the TV on, some music or the radio (I listen to talking books a lot) but doing it without something to occupy the mind is just boring.
K

 

[HillyBilly]

Last week on the radio (here in Ireland) I heard of a Walking Buddy scheme specifically tailored to people with mental health problems. Maybe there's something similar in the UK?

 

[Casbow]

I do feel for all of you that have this walking and escaping problem. Surely these homes should have fencing that can't be climbed.!! My husband went to respite for a week and that home was near to the A12. You could see the cars and lorries if you went to the fence. The fence they had could not be climbed. Just imagine what could happen.Davids dementia was diagnosed 9 years ago and in those years there has been loads of things he has done, that I have thought I can't stand for much longer. And then it all changes. Most things seem to change (with him anyway) after about 6-9 months. Three years ago when we first went to Singing for the brain, He didn,t seem to able to read. He had a book by the bedside that he every night he said he wanted to read. He never got past the first page. Now nearly 3 years later he is sitting next to me engrossed in a magazine. Sometimes he reads things out to me. It is a changeable illness so maybe all of these awful problems will change. I hope so. Please give the home a chance. You cannot manage him with all that walking. Not to mention the toilet accidents!! Wish you well.xx

 

[Kjn]

For walking with OH how about contacting Alzheimer's society regarding their new side by side scheme.

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/sidebyside

 

[pamann]

Re: jumping over fences in the care home, the fence my husband jumped over 3 times is 6ft high, nobody else has done this, as their mobility would not be strong enough to do it. My husband just pulled himself up and climbed over. Hewould not be able to do it now as his legs are swollen, he has difficulty getting out of a chair.

 

[JigJog]

Re: jumping over fences in the care home, the fence my husband jumped over 3 times is 6ft high, nobody else has done this, as their mobility would not be strong enough to do it. My husband just pulled himself up and climbed over. Hewould not be able to do it now as his legs are swollen, he has difficulty getting out of a chair.

Not only is OH jumping over the fences but he's also managed to work out the code for the doors and is now leaving through the front door! They just happened to notice him walking down the street!!

Heaven knows how he's done that. He has no short term memory!

 

[nitram]

"...he's also managed to work out the code for the doors and is now leaving through the front door!"

Any chance he could have tailgated somebody?