Well, it's the voice of experience! William was so happy and secure in the nursing home, there was no aggression or violence, no problem about personal care, and no problem getting him to eat and drink. He was thrilled to see me every day, and sad that I couldn't stay. The only cloud on his horizon was that he wanted "to be where you are ". But while he was at home, having someone who could be aggressive or refusing to eat, drink or take their medication and who wanted to be where you are - all. the. time. That was so different! I once went around two weeks without showering because I couldn't get to the bathroom for long enough.
Becoming my Mum's Carer...
- Thread starter HillyBilly
- Start date
Oh, HillyBilly. I'm behind. I'm so pleased for you, your mum and your OH.
Marks & Spencers (can I say that here?) do printed iron on name labels. Happy ironing!
As Aisling says, it's a new ongoing phase, plenty of time to get your mum's bits and pieces organized to personalize her room.
Hope you sleep tonight. Keep updating ☺.
Marks & Spencers (can I say that here?) do printed iron on name labels. Happy ironing!
As Aisling says, it's a new ongoing phase, plenty of time to get your mum's bits and pieces organized to personalize her room.
Hope you sleep tonight. Keep updating ☺.
Yep, same with dad. If she was going to bathroom she would ask dad if wanted to go, he says no..then as soon as she is in he is trying to get in. Has to be with her all the time, until now. It's settled him down a bit.
Just catching up, really pleased you've got the CH place.
Hope you get it all sorted - just do what you can and catch up later with it all.
Have you got a cover story planned, eg fixing that cold shower which she hates, decorators, just for a short time, or do you think you won't need one?
Hope you get it all sorted - just do what you can and catch up later with it all.
Have you got a cover story planned, eg fixing that cold shower which she hates, decorators, just for a short time, or do you think you won't need one?
Thanks all!
Slept well and Mum in good mood this morning.
As regards a cover story, we'll have to wing that, depending on the direction of the wind tomorrow
Am hoping I can get my friend to sit Mum for a couple of hours later today so that we can shoot off to the CH with stuff. If not, it'll have to be just one of us.
Thanks for the advice re only taking essentials right now. I mean she's not going to need more than the coat she's wearing (in terms of coats) and nor will she need ultra warm jumpers etc. One pair of slippers, one dressing gown, one pair of shoes will do for now I'm thinking...
I have a list on the go...
Bit nervous but know it's for the best x
Slept well and Mum in good mood this morning.
As regards a cover story, we'll have to wing that, depending on the direction of the wind tomorrow
Am hoping I can get my friend to sit Mum for a couple of hours later today so that we can shoot off to the CH with stuff. If not, it'll have to be just one of us.
Thanks for the advice re only taking essentials right now. I mean she's not going to need more than the coat she's wearing (in terms of coats) and nor will she need ultra warm jumpers etc. One pair of slippers, one dressing gown, one pair of shoes will do for now I'm thinking...
I have a list on the go...
Bit nervous but know it's for the best x
Friend not around to sit Mum so OH will have to entertain her for the afternoon while I go to the CH...
Thanks all!
Slept well and Mum in good mood this morning.
As regards a cover story, we'll have to wing that, depending on the direction of the wind tomorrow
...
It depends on how your Mum is likely to react, but my MIL was 100% opposed to going to a care home so she was happy enough to be taken for a trip out in the car, but when she walked into the bedroom and saw all her stuff from home she realised what was happening and completely freaked out. With hindsight, it would have been easier to sell the idea of a short stay if the room had looked more like a hotel room. (Having said that, by the end of the week she had settled and by the end of a fortnight she'd forgotten her old house and the care home was 'home'.) It's going to be a bit different for your Mum because she's had several major changes already so maybe she won't be so surprised - fingers crossed for all of you that it all goes calmly.
Thanks.
We're planning on getting her there in time for lunch and then...we're going to leave without seeing her. She often thinks that day care is a sort of CH where she is going to stay.
This morning Mum was in the toilet for ages.
You OK Mum?
Yes.
Bit later.
OK Mum?
No, not really.
In I go.
What, she shouted, do they put in the food in this place?
Said she'd had diarrhoea. But I looked at what was there and I'd call it loose poo, not diarrhoea.
Wish I knew what was going on with her bowels.
Well no, actually I have no desire to know what's going on with her bowels, that's what the medical profession is for
Eventually out of the toilet and back in her armchair by the fire.
OH came in and asked if she was OK.
No, she said. I was never ill at the CH. I want to go back there. I'm not enjoying life here.
OK, we think. Time to mention new CH? Is she ACTUALLY trying to communicate to us that she would feel better looked after or safer in a CH?
I made out I was off to make some calls.
Came back in a couple of minutes later.
Hey Mum, guess what? There's a lovely CH down the road that you can go to tomorrow. They will make you feel well again.
Scowl. Well do what you want. I have no say in the matter do I.
Sigh.
Anyway, I've taken her stuff to the CH. Was a bit annoyed that I couldn't actually put it in her room as they have a respite resident in there until tomorrow lunchtime. Talk about hot-bedding! So her room won't be available to her until 3pm...do I trust them to put her clothes etc in there...they said they would...the plan is to leave her there at lunchtime...
You OK Mum?
Yes.
Bit later.
OK Mum?
No, not really.
In I go.
What, she shouted, do they put in the food in this place?
Said she'd had diarrhoea. But I looked at what was there and I'd call it loose poo, not diarrhoea.
Wish I knew what was going on with her bowels.
Well no, actually I have no desire to know what's going on with her bowels, that's what the medical profession is for
Eventually out of the toilet and back in her armchair by the fire.
OH came in and asked if she was OK.
No, she said. I was never ill at the CH. I want to go back there. I'm not enjoying life here.
OK, we think. Time to mention new CH? Is she ACTUALLY trying to communicate to us that she would feel better looked after or safer in a CH?
I made out I was off to make some calls.
Came back in a couple of minutes later.
Hey Mum, guess what? There's a lovely CH down the road that you can go to tomorrow. They will make you feel well again.
Scowl. Well do what you want. I have no say in the matter do I.
Sigh.
Anyway, I've taken her stuff to the CH. Was a bit annoyed that I couldn't actually put it in her room as they have a respite resident in there until tomorrow lunchtime. Talk about hot-bedding! So her room won't be available to her until 3pm...do I trust them to put her clothes etc in there...they said they would...the plan is to leave her there at lunchtime...
Oh god, today has not started well.
Mum's in bed refusing to get up, kicking off about her missing tooth
We had a very nice afternoon and evening with her yesterday, she was in fine form and went to bed happy.
Me, I had lots of "wobbles" every time I did something for her. Stupid things like drawing her curtains and thinking this is the last time I'll be doing this. On the other hand, a friend popped round with his young lad, just to pick something up, and I was on tenterhooks the whole time they were here, thinking is Mum going to "behave" (she did). At times like that I KNOW I can't go on.
After I put her to bed I fled to the bathroom and bawled my eyes out. I drank a lot of wine.
I don't know WHAT'S going to happen today...this is ****
Mum's in bed refusing to get up, kicking off about her missing tooth
We had a very nice afternoon and evening with her yesterday, she was in fine form and went to bed happy.
Me, I had lots of "wobbles" every time I did something for her. Stupid things like drawing her curtains and thinking this is the last time I'll be doing this. On the other hand, a friend popped round with his young lad, just to pick something up, and I was on tenterhooks the whole time they were here, thinking is Mum going to "behave" (she did). At times like that I KNOW I can't go on.
After I put her to bed I fled to the bathroom and bawled my eyes out. I drank a lot of wine.
I don't know WHAT'S going to happen today...this is ****
Oh god, today has not started well.
Mum's in bed refusing to get up, kicking off about her missing tooth
We had a very nice afternoon and evening with her yesterday, she was in fine form and went to bed happy.
Me, I had lots of "wobbles" every time I did something for her. Stupid things like drawing her curtains and thinking this is the last time I'll be doing this. On the other hand, a friend popped round with his young lad, just to pick something up, and I was on tenterhooks the whole time they were here, thinking is Mum going to "behave" (she did). At times like that I KNOW I can't go on.
After I put her to bed I fled to the bathroom and bawled my eyes out. I drank a lot of wine.
I don't know WHAT'S going to happen today...this is ****
Yes, it is. And don't worry about today if your mum doesn't get up today, you can phone the nursing home, and say "Bit of a problem, mum won't get up today. I'll bring her in either later than we planned, or tomorrow." The room is her's. However, I do hope she gets up and the day goes off peacefully. xx
Thanks LadyA as ever x
Mum's emerged from her room twice, both times stropping about the tooth/lack of denture. She's refusing tea/toast/meds. Now I can hear her in there swearing and banging about. I am literally shaking and have a pounding heart every time I hear her. I have Lyric FM on on the kitchen in the hope it might calm her (and me) down and am talking loudly to the dog. I NOW HATE LYRIC FM!!!! All I can hope for is that she falls asleep and wakes up in a better mood. I shall have to call the NH soon...
OK - Mum's emerged from her latest bathroom visit in a better mood - confused but calm. Drinking tea. Just need to get her dressed and gather last few bits and pieces and in the car...
She's dressed. Wants to stay in her room...OH has put the last bits in the car and has the engine running with the heater on...spoken to the NH - they're cool and will rustle food up for Mum whenever...am still a nervous wreck.
I will try and keep you updated but the next time I log on I may likely be very drunk x
I will try and keep you updated but the next time I log on I may likely be very drunk x
