Hi everyone I was just wondering as Mum seems to not recognise me more and more and often asks me where I am will she just not remember who I am one day and that will be it.I find it quite upsetting when she looks at me not knowing who I am and although in the past I have usually either been her Mum,sister and even sometimes my Dad (all passed away)I felt ok as Mum was ok with that and still felt safe but lately she has looked at me and just said who are you and what's your name. Such a cruel disease for everyone.
How long before Mum no longer recognises me
- Thread starter rosy18
- Start date
Mom has not been recognizing me or my siblings for quite a while....probably 6 months? Sometimes she does suprise me and says when I walk in her room..."oh there's my lovely daughter" but it is short lived...she is asking me 2 minutes later who I am and how old I am. When I tell her I'm 62 she says...you can't be my daughter...your too old.
Mom thinks my dad, who has been visiting her practically every day for hours on end since she went in a little over 2 years ago, is just a nice man who comes to see her. Sometimes she calls him her husband when she gets jealous if the other residents chat with him.
I'm sorry that you are so upset about your mom....i know how you feel...it is a monster of a disease. Take care
Carole xo
Mom thinks my dad, who has been visiting her practically every day for hours on end since she went in a little over 2 years ago, is just a nice man who comes to see her. Sometimes she calls him her husband when she gets jealous if the other residents chat with him.
I'm sorry that you are so upset about your mom....i know how you feel...it is a monster of a disease. Take care
Carole xo
Do the visits from a distance, never let the staff shove her in your face is my advice.
When I visit the best bit is when my wife recognises me, her short distance vision has gone but she still knows me from anything from 10 feet away to 50 feet away.
Don't rush up spend a few minutes in her vision and give her a chance to find you, it's so much more rewarding when they do.
K
When I visit the best bit is when my wife recognises me, her short distance vision has gone but she still knows me from anything from 10 feet away to 50 feet away.
Don't rush up spend a few minutes in her vision and give her a chance to find you, it's so much more rewarding when they do.
K
It is so sad, but there comes a time when your loved one just stares right through you with no glimmer of familiarity. It has now happened to us, but as one of the nurses said , " your being here makes her feel calmer, you can see it on her face; she may not know who you are anymore, but she knows inside that you make her happy. "
Try and think about it like that, it makes all the difference for me.
Oh Rosy it must be hard. My mum mixes me up with her mum, her sister, the woman (fictional woman we live with) and myself. I frequently get I know you are A, but where is A. I suspect she's looking for A younger version of me with less grey hair.
I think what Toddleo said is lovely, that she might not know who you are, but that you give her peace. Such a nice thought.
I know you mentioned her intense sundowning from the other night on Jorgie's thread. Maybe tiredness is playing it's part too. Hope it's a better day today. I'll be around and about if you need a chat just pm me. x
I think what Toddleo said is lovely, that she might not know who you are, but that you give her peace. Such a nice thought.
I know you mentioned her intense sundowning from the other night on Jorgie's thread. Maybe tiredness is playing it's part too. Hope it's a better day today. I'll be around and about if you need a chat just pm me. x
Yes, it's hard and very upsetting. I think Kevin's idea sounds good as it can take time for things to register. My mother lives with me and is also increasingly not recognising me as her daughter and asks me 'where is Sue'? It was hard but I know it's the effect of her illness and the way it is gradually eating away at her brain. And I try to hear the wise words of my long term partner (I think she heard them from a work colleague many years ago) 'the only person's behaviour you can alter is your own'. I can't do anything about my mother but I can alter how I respond and think: I know she's my mother, she brought me up and now it's my turn to care and my role is to make sure she is as content as she can be, well looked after and safe. That is even when I'm not doing the caring. All the best though - it is tough. Sue
When I visit mum I usually say when I first see her "hi, mum! Its me - your daughter [canary]". It feels odd, but does help jog her memory. Even so, she regularly looks at me with no recognision now and I will not forget the first time she asked (after my little intro) "Do I have a daughter?" I replied brightly "Yes mum, you do - and its me!", but it is hard. I think she sort of knows that Im someone important to her - she just cant place me anymore and I will have to accept that.
My mam hasn't known me for a while, now, but there are still glimmers, occasionally.
Sometimes she'll still call me 'pet', which is lovely.
Yesterday as she was pacing and just not seeing me at all, I reached out my hand to her and spoke, and she took hold of my hand and looked at me. Her face lit up, and she said 'oh!' and gave me a lovely smile.
A few weeks ago she actually said my name for the first time in ages.
Little things like this reassure me that even if she doesn't recognise me, at least she feels comfortable with me, and not distressed. Perhaps, deep down, she does still know, but just can't express it. I like to think so.
I hope this helps, even in a small way, with a situation which is heartbreaking to encounter.
xx
Sometimes she'll still call me 'pet', which is lovely.
Yesterday as she was pacing and just not seeing me at all, I reached out my hand to her and spoke, and she took hold of my hand and looked at me. Her face lit up, and she said 'oh!' and gave me a lovely smile.
A few weeks ago she actually said my name for the first time in ages.
Little things like this reassure me that even if she doesn't recognise me, at least she feels comfortable with me, and not distressed. Perhaps, deep down, she does still know, but just can't express it. I like to think so.
I hope this helps, even in a small way, with a situation which is heartbreaking to encounter.
xx
In my mother's case it happened quite suddenly. One week her eyes would light up when she saw me coming - the next, there was nothing. I won't deny that it was a shock, and very hard.
Before that she had often thought I was her sister, but at least she still knew she knew me.
Afterwards, I was very often just 'a nice lady' who brought her chocolate and made her cups of tea. Though even well after this stage started, I was amazed and so happy when she somehow appeared to recognise my younger sister, who lives in the US and could only visit once a year, if that. She didn't say her name, or anything about 'my daughter' but it was clear that somewhere in her poor old brain she knew she knew her, and was pleased to see her.
That visit was the best by far in a long time.
Before that she had often thought I was her sister, but at least she still knew she knew me.
Afterwards, I was very often just 'a nice lady' who brought her chocolate and made her cups of tea. Though even well after this stage started, I was amazed and so happy when she somehow appeared to recognise my younger sister, who lives in the US and could only visit once a year, if that. She didn't say her name, or anything about 'my daughter' but it was clear that somewhere in her poor old brain she knew she knew her, and was pleased to see her.
That visit was the best by far in a long time.
Once when my mum asked me who I was, and I told her, she said, "Oh yes - I knew it was a close relationship", so yes, I think that sometimes that knowledge of closeness persists a lot longer that the fine detail of exactly who we are.
My mum had a phase of thinking I was her granddaughter, even though she had no grandchildren. I'm sure that was because she was confused by someone who looked (to her) far too old to be her daughter.
I think Kevin's distance tip is brilliant. I shall remember that one, in case I eventually need it with my father.
My mum had a phase of thinking I was her granddaughter, even though she had no grandchildren. I'm sure that was because she was confused by someone who looked (to her) far too old to be her daughter.
I think Kevin's distance tip is brilliant. I shall remember that one, in case I eventually need it with my father.
Kevini's suggestion is really good.
Rosy's mum lives with her so I guess it's a bit tricky to find that space when they are together 24/7.
Rosy's mum lives with her so I guess it's a bit tricky to find that space when they are together 24/7.
Thank you for your reply and good advise,Mum does live with me and yes as long as I can keep her safe and contented that is the most important thing I agree
Thanks Kevinl Mum still lives with me but I will still put your advice into practice at home when possible giving her time to focus on me, like your wife Mums short vision isn't as good as it should be so I was intrigued by your advice so much to think about and consider whilst caring for our loved ones.
