Not wanting to shower or change clothes

[sleepless]

my husband has been a very fit and healthy man all his life until AD came along, to see him like he is now is heartbreaking.

I understand this completely, as my husband was always healthy, active, liked to be outdoors. I have to stop myself from wondering how long he could have had a good life if he hadn't developed AD. I always imagined he would have had a long active life somehow.
I do manage to take him outdoors most days, to either sit in the garden or we go out in the car which is wheelchair adapted.

He has had two spells of being unwell with infections which have seemed to cause downturns, and then a hip fracture led to immobility. It is difficult to know with any certainty that taking meds / stopping meds can cause improvement / decline, as there is no way to run a control with the same person at the same time. It could be that your husband's decline would have happened anyway, but it is another burden of worry that these diseases heap onto the shoulders of the carer, sadly.

 

[pamann]

I do agree with your comments, as my husband was deteriorating 3 months before they stopped the meds, the reason why they have been stopped. I used to take him out for short walks, but his legs are all wobberly now. Its so horrible to see our loved ones like this, it could have been us, l don't think my husband would have coped very well. We are doing our best for them.

 

[DixonC]

Changing g clothes

I never realised this was such a common problem, my husband has always had longish hair and it has been a standing joke over the years that he spent more time on his hair than I did. However he now will not wash it or have it cut, he has let me wash it twice but cringed throughout and said it was painful, I think his scalp must be sensitive to touch and often says the slightest touch hurts, how awful for him. Like said previously, he often says he has had a shower but I am sure he has not actually been under the water, I also have to prompt the changing of clothes he often brings the clean ones back out of the bathroom but says he has changed. Struggles with shaving, doesn't remember to use shaving foam but has been known to use toothpaste instead!
This is such a cruel illness and likewise I am struggling to cope with it, I try my best to deal with things with patience but don't always succeed.

 

[JigJog]

I think his scalp must be sensitive to touch and often says the slightest touch hurts, how awful for him.

This is exactly how my OH was. A podiatrist referred him to the GP as touching his feet was so painful for him. The GP has put him on Amitriptyline and this has really helped.

 

[pamann]

Hello Dixon, l have cut my husbands hair for 50yrs, 2yrs ago he refused to have it cut, he started to cut it himself, it was awful, long bits and short bits. He would not shower or change clothes. Now he is so advanced with AD l am able to cut it as he doesn't know l am doing it. Still won't shower, l give him a strip wash. It is so sad to see our loved ones with this awful disease.

 

[DixonC]

Thank you all, it is so good to be able to share our experiences. My husband tries to cut his hair with knives, forks, spoons or even keys but won't let me do it and gets annoyed when I suggest scissors may be a better option.

 

[SoAlone]

My OH is I think in fairly early stages of dementia, I don't know what type because he is so difficult at GP's I have not yet found out. But like so many on here he was always fussy about his appearance, once when he left a job, he was described by his former employer as scruffy and arrogant. He didn't object to being called arrogant but was horrified to be called scruffy. He is still quite mobile in the house and changes his clothes every day and washes himself to some degree but no longer shaves regularly, about every 2/3 weeks. As I work I cannot be sure he doesn't shower but when I broach the subject, something like do you want to use the shower after me?, he tells me he has had one whilst I am at work. This has gone on for a few months now, but it seems clean clothes and the washes he has do the trick as he doesn't smell. Another thing is that he has no sense of smell, so wouldn't know if he did.

 

[lford1953]

Bathroom breaks

Has anyone had this type of activity, and how did you conquer it?
My wife has mid stage (i think) Vascular Dementia.
Every night 11:30, 1:30, 3:30. one or all of these times My Wife wakes up and pees the bed. Here is how it works.
For example;
Last night I awoke about 11:30 hard telling how long she was there. She just sits & refuses to get up, even if you can get her up she
flops back down. Won't talk just looks around and waits till she has soaked herself. I know it's the dementia, but why, and is there any thing I can do? There must be something I can do. It is now 12:30 and still just looking around and will not get up. Eventually she will, probably. Sometimes (not always) a couple of hours later we repeat this all over again. Any ideas or what did you do?
Thnx

 

[rubie]

What would I do...?

Working in the helthcare sector, I have learnt a lot about respecting the wishes from patients that come into my care.
From previous experience, if someone refused to shower or change into a fresh set of clothes, I would document this to clarify to the rest of my team that I have personally asked them if they'd like to shower or change. I wuld also add that I will come back and see that patient later on in the day and ask the question again. Alongside doing this, I would instead ask them if they require anything else such as a cup of tea or someone to talk to.
I personally belive that no one should be made to do something they feel they don't want to do, even if that is with or little compacity. If it acted in the best interests of that patient at that particular time of need and they had to have a shower or change their clothes; sitting with them and reasuring them with reasons for doing this paricular activitiy and how this would benifit them, might enable them to change their minds at that particular moment. If they are still adiment that this is not what they want to do, still document it and try again soon.

 

[Katrine]

Has anyone had this type of activity, and how did you conquer it?
My wife has mid stage (i think) Vascular Dementia.
Every night 11:30, 1:30, 3:30. one or all of these times My Wife wakes up and pees the bed. Here is how it works.
For example;
Last night I awoke about 11:30 hard telling how long she was there. She just sits & refuses to get up, even if you can get her up she
flops back down. Won't talk just looks around and waits till she has soaked herself. I know it's the dementia, but why, and is there any thing I can do? There must be something I can do. It is now 12:30 and still just looking around and will not get up. Eventually she will, probably. Sometimes (not always) a couple of hours later we repeat this all over again. Any ideas or what did you do?
Thnx

It sounds as if she's not really awake. I think you need to get her into disposable pull-up pants for night time, if she can't cooperate with getting up to be toileted. Contact the Continence Nurse via your local GP practice or district nurses. You may be able to get pads or pull-ups on NHS prescription. Sadly the problem isn't going to get better, and you both need your sleep.

This company can send you sample products to try: http://www.incontinencechoice.co.uk/samples.html/
You may also get samples via the Continence Nurse. However, since their budgets are limited, they tend to offer nettie pants with pads, and these are often inadequate for night time urine output. Pull-ups or All-in-ones (more like an adult nappy) have the highest absorbency.

 

[Tiller Girl]

My husband us exactly the same when it comes to showering and clothes. He will change pants and socks but he likes his old jogging bottoms and fleeces. I have to prise those off him !

I found having simple things in the bathroom helps. Only one sponge, only one all-in-one soap/shampoo. Have everything to hand ..towel, clean clothes etc. I then set the temperature and run the shower, he just steps in and showers.

I really don't insist on him having a shower daily . I keep his hair and beard trimmed so he always looks ok. I've found that buying some deodorant in a white can and placing it near the bathroom sink, he uses it every morning. Showering is always a BIG job though and he does get very anxious about it.

I think we get too hung up about showering everyday. I take the easy route now !

 

[mrs-o]

Unfortunately, it's par for the course. I find that I confine showers to once weekly and then 'make it happen', whatever the protestations. With all the protests and verbal abuse, he can't remember anything by the time he's showered and dressed in fresh clothes, so all is then back to normal. I do have to take a deep breath before embarking on the weekly shower.

I can get hubby to wipe his face occasionally but mainly, I do have to try and wash him, under protest. As far as cleaning teeth is concerned, I'm failing badly, so any ideas appreciated.

 

[pamann]

Hello mrs-o welcome to talking point, you have come the the right place for help and advice, my husband is in a CH, l do all his personal care, as l am the only person able to do it. It is very difficult with cleaning teeth, l show my husband how l clean my teeth, as he has no idea now how to clean his teeth, l put the tooth brush into his mouth, if he will open his mouth and start to brush his teeth, he doesn't like it, l cannot get him to rinse his mouth out, so just wipe his mouth. I only use a very small amount of tooth paste. Give it a try good luck ☺

 

[mrs-o]

Hello Jig Jog, Dr. Stopped my husbands Mematine and Donepenzil 3 weeks ago, he is now doubly incontinent, he was only water works, he is not alert sleeping alot, having difficulty getting out of the chair, l have seen a rapid decline in him.

Why was the medication stopped? So sorry that this a painful question but we fought so hard to get the Donepezil and it's seems like a life-changer, with the 'stability'.

 

[pamann]

Hello mrs-o, Dr stopped Donepenizl and memantine, because my husband is too far advanced with Alzneimers, it is not working anymore. He has been on them for 4yrs, don't worry all the while they are helping your husband he will continue to take them.

 

[mrs-o]

Hello mrs-o welcome to talking point, you have come the the right place for help and advice, my husband is in a CH, l do all his personal care, as l am the only person able to do it. It is very difficult with cleaning teeth, l show my husband how l clean my teeth, as he has no idea now how to clean his teeth, l put the tooth brush into his mouth, if he will open his mouth and start to brush his teeth, he doesn't like it, l cannot get him to rinse his mouth out, so just wipe his mouth. I only use a very small amount of tooth paste. Give it a try good luck ☺

Thank you. I'll give it a go but not sure how he will react. I'm trying to keep a washing regime going, albeit, occasionally but sometimes it just falls into the 'too difficult basket'. Unfortunately, the rest of my family, brothers and sisters, seem to think that as I don't do a 'paid' job, I do nothing. So, as well as not getting any sort of family assistance with my husband's Alzheimer's problems, they think that I can look after our elderley mother as well.
I just feel very fortunate that hubby has fallen asleep in the chair so that I can make this post. Also, feeling very guilty about it as I should have helped him to bed by now.